Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Question on Nikah

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A Muslim man having a loving family with wife and two kids , has got a chance to guide a non practicing divorced Muslim girl, in his work place.  As a result, (Alhamdulillah) she started practicing Islam.  She is  also having a kid. As Islamic background from her family is weak, this man helped her to understand better and encouraged to practice Islam and now also continuing his efforts.
During this phase they developed a relation in their hearts and they wanted to marry each other for just to be in a halal relation as they fear Allah.  Man told this story to his wife in vague and she is not interested at all.
Although plural marriage is allowed in islam, in present scenario,it is considered as a shameful act and not acceptable to his wife and her wali, they were forced to marry secretly (with good intention and for the sake of Allah), without the consent of his wife, his family and her family, to make their relation halal.  The nikkah was done in the presence of two muslims and he gave mahr to her and pronounced their nikah. This matter is not known by anybody else, and they want to keep it as secret as far as possible to avoid issues in their personal and social life.  They are very much understanding and ready to sacrifice anything for the sake of Allah.
Is it islamically right to object a marriage since it is a plural marriage and if in such a situation they pronounced their marriage without the knowledge of both the families, is it a valid one? If not, what should be done to make it valid.   Please advise.
jamiyusuf
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7 Responses »

  1. ASK MUFTI MENK OR ASK IMAM.COM BECAUSE THIS IS FOR THE SCHOLARS OF DEEN.THE PEOPLE WHO STUDY LAW AND OTHER RULES N REGULATIONS.

  2. You set out to help her on the deen, however ended up falling in love with her. Even while giving dawah free mixing isn't allowed to avoid such situations. I cannot comment on the validity of your marriage, as I'm not a scholar. However your marriage is based on secrets and deception, when a nikkah should be announced and made known to the people, as it is something halal, and there is no need to be secretive. The fact both you and your second wife are keeping your marriage hidden shows you feel guilt. Plural marriages at the time of the prophet (saw) were practiced to help widows and divorced women who were struggling. And correct me if I'm wrong, but all of the wives of the prophet (saw) knew of each other, there was no secrecy. Allah says in the Quran if you cannot do justice then marry only one. What justice is it on your first wife to lie and go behind her back and marry? Also what justice is it to your second wife to keep her a secret from the world? And the injustice will only increase, from a practical side, if your second wife is unknown to your first wife, how will you share your time between your wives fairly?
    So the best thing you can do is firstly contact an islamic scholar to find out the validity of your marriage and then tell your first wife the truth and for your second wife to tell her family. This will be difficult, but is necessary if you are to have an honest relationship with your first wife. Dawah/setting an example begins at home, how you behave towards and treat your wife and children is something that needs to be constantly maintained and upheld.

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    Dear Brother,

    Muslims do not keep their Nikah a secret. The whole point of a Nikah is to make the relationship publicly known. As you were giving dawah, you would know that, correct? As Sr. Aneesa mentioned, none of the marriages of Prophet Muhammad, peach be upon him, were kept secret--so while you may have twisted your thinking and say that plural marriages are allowed, you decided to add your own rules about keeping it secret to suit yourself.

    Brother, I think you know what the right thing to do is. We often give advice and guidance, but we also need it ourselves. In your case, you must know that what you are doing is wrong. Stop hurting your family. When your children grow up, do you want them to have secret marriages? Would you be happy if your daughter was in a secret marriage? Would you want your son to take on a secret wife? If you don't like the sound of these results, then do the right thing now and I think further questions should be directed to a scholar as this is a very serious matter.

    May Allah swt help you through this time, Ameen.

  4. As Salam O Alaikum

    I agree completely with Sister Aneesa. Well done and double well reply.

    Wa Salam

  5. I agree with the other comments. Doing the Nikkah in secret to one's own wife is a problem. Do the nikkah publically and let the first wife know that it's happening.

    There is nothing preventing the first wife from seeking a divorce knowing that the husband is marrying another woman. There is nothing preventing her from being against the second marriage.

    From a man's perspective he's helping out another sister in trouble and giving her what she wasn't getting and maybe could not get. But really what he's doing is he's taking the time and money he was giving to one family and splitting it across two families. So the real Islamic sacrifice of giving something out of what one loves is done by the first wife. She's gaining the majority benefit as she loses half her husbands time and money and usually his undivided love and attention. The husband has some sacrifice since he has new responsibilities but if he's happy in this situation he's not sacrificing much at all.

    If the guy wants to marry a second wife, I recommend making sure that one is ready to have that second wife as the only wife. Also there's nothing shameful about having two wives. The issue is usually finding a good wife, and then lucking out and finding two of them that are ok with each other. If you could find two women open to it you could partially help them both out but let them know from the beginning that this is how it's going to be.

    To make the marriage valid now, one could just do an official nikkah which will probably lead to the first wife filling for divorce.

  6. Two things for a nikah to be valid are
    1) Two witnesses
    2) A guardian of the women
    This nikah is also secretive. A nkah should'nt be secretive according to the teachings of Prophet (P.B.U.H)
    And Allah Knows best

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