Questions about relationships and crushes
Assalam o alekum!
While searching on net to solve my own problem I saw this website and it clicked my mind. I think this is where I can get answer to my query. I am 19 years old ..
Anyone either girl or boy can answer my questions. I've three questions to ask and I hope that you people will give me a satisfying answer (the answer which has proper reference from ahadith or Quran).
Sometimes, when I went to bed for sleeping the fantasy of marrying a person who is really caring just pop into my mind out of nowhere. The train of my thoughts lead me to think the love and care he'll give me and sometimes how we'll make sex. Whenever this sex thing come into my mind I never felt awake it's like something is happening in my subconscious mind. But after waking up when I think about this it really puts me off. I don't want to think or imagine anything like this. I become sad and recite astagfar. Please tell me how I can get rid of this dirt. I even don't have any sort of interest or crush on boys. Like I study in co-ed, but I never even feel attracted by any guy so I just don't get it that how the hell this dirt pops into my mind even when I don't want this to happen or have any sort of interest in boys. They are like any other person for me. Please help me to get rid of this.
Secondly, this is a question which we were discussing in our group but we didn't have a proper answer for this. Kindly guide me in the light of Quran or ahadith so that I can tell my friends too. Question is "is having a crush on someone (either boy or girl) is halal or haram?"..... P.S. crush means just crush not any type of relationship.
Thirdly I was just going through the previous questions and answers and there I found an answer in which he/she said that one should not disclose his/her bad deeds but on a website like this isn't it good to share your problem openly so that you can follow the right path?
haya
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Wa alaikum salaam sister,
First of all, i can give you all the references of Quran and Hadith, but you and i will have no possible true way of understanding it, we are not scholars so dealing with ahaadith is like trying to deal with a prescription a doctor has given you, this is because you need to study Quran and Hadith in arabic, understand arabic and definitions, translations fall way way waay too short.
You need to then compile all supporting and contradictory quotations from Quran and Hadith, analyse them, their strengths, weaknesses, chains and contexts, time periods, which is developed further by the requirement for an indepth understanding of the arabic language and Islam in itself.
Then you need to deal with the commentaries, tafseers and opinions of ijma, the pious scholars and Sahaabah.
Therefore me just listing Quran and Hadith to you will not benefit in any way, unless i do a full thorough research document on it to justify the conclusion i have reached, that being said, with the fulfillment of the base criteria mentioned.
Anyway, il give you what i think and know:
1) Having sexual desire and attraction is natural, its whether we act in accordance to Allahs Shariah through which it can become a sin. If you want to deal with these thoughts, which shaytaan most likely will be prompting, do a lot of dhikr, istighfar, alhamdulillah, subhanAllah etc. this will purify both your tongue and mind.
When you have these thoughts, occupy yourself, get up do something, or read something, or think of something else.
Finally, we as human beings will always have these thoughts for one reason or another, treat them like cars at traffic lights, just let it flow, let it come into your mind and go straight out your mind, it only becomes a problem once you start dwelling on it, however, if you let the thought pass through without stopping it insha Allah itll cause you less headache.
2) Ask a scholar about halal or haram, dealing with halal or haram is very delicate and dangerous to a persons imaan, and its important you ask these questions to someone who knows exactly what they are saying.
3) There should be moderation in sharing your problems, and your intention should be looking for a solution, not just the thrill or time-wasting. Similarly you dont go and tell everybody whats wrong with you, you talk to and address those who can and will help you, whether thats because they are wise, or are knowledgeable, or have the right skills in a specific field. The believers are here to remind eachother and themselves of good.
wa alaikum as salam.......
By the way it would be great if anyone could help out and give a much better clear explanation with the second answer here......
Secondly, this is a question which we were discussing in our group but we didn't have a proper answer for this. Kindly guide me in the light of Quran or ahadith so that I can tell my friends too. Question is "is having a crush on someone (either boy or girl) is halal or haram?"..... P.S. crush means just crush not any type of relationship.