Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Questions about sexting and masturbation in Islam

blind love

Abuse can distort a person's understanding of love and healthy relationships.

Hello,

I don't like to reveal any personal information or I don't want you to consider this like confession but I'm a 20 year old Muslim girl who needs your support and advice. I've been thinking about posting this for a long time now and trying to put the whole thing into words. It might look long and boring to you but it would mean so much to me if you try to read and give your advice. And I am open to any of your questions.

I don't know where to start since there's so many things bottled up. I have a horrible addiction (I wouldn't use this word but anyway) and all I want is to get rid of it. I've been doing this for so many years, I met this horrible act when I was around 13.

You may wonder how a Muslim daughter of a very religious and conservative family started doing such a sinful thing at such young age but there is a horrible story behind it too. It started when I was like maybe 3,4 or 5.

Starting at that young age for a very long time I was molested, sexually harassed and abused or whatever you want to call it. By my cousin, by some girls from the neighborhood, by a drug addict pervert boy and some other people too.

I've never told any of these to anyone in my life. Only to an internet friend who I've never met in real life and I'll talk about it later too.

So, I met this drug addict boy on a school trip when I was probably 13 and I didn't know anything about his problems then. We only saw each other for 3 or 4 days then he went back to his hometown and I came back to mine. Long story short we were only texting and one time when he was high he revealed all his addictions and told me about masturbation. I didn't even know what it meant and I still don't know how exactly I started doing that. But it happened after him and I immediately stopped talking to him. At first I was doing it without even knowing what I was doing and it quickly became an addiction. I couldn't stop but did it for many times a day. I still feel ashamed writing these sentences. But after I figured what was going on, I tried to stop. And I actually did for a long period of time but it started again. But never happened that much, only once in a week or so.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't go in details.

But the thing is I still can't stop myself and I don't know how to. In the last few weeks it has gotten a little out of control again and I found myself looking at some inappropriate pictures and texts. I need some help to stop this but I don't want to tell these to anyone else. I already barely took my courage to post this.

Another thing I want to share and ask is about my internet friend that I talked about this issues. He lives in another continent and we never met in real life but we did some bad stuff. He is not Muslim so I am responsible for my own actions but I don't know what to do.

We sexted 3 times. I didn't think it would come to that point in the first place but everything happened quickly and I didn't care about it to be honest. But he said he did it I mean ejaculated while we were sexting and I didn't know what to do after that. I tried to stop talking to him but he was so convincing I couldn't block him. We pretended like nothing happened but one time he started writing some sexual things again and this time I got into it and did it. After that we still didn't stop talking, he didn't care but I knew how wrong that was and I've always been regretting every second of it.

He was already trying to make me question my religion and he said it openly. Anyway, text sex happened a third time and he did it again. Then he said he was in love with me. It was enough so now I stopped talking to him and I don't ever want to again.

Honestly I feel like the biggest reason behind these sexual acts and my high sex drive is what I went through when I was young, I mean all the sexual harassments and molesting. But another reason is that I've always felt so lonely and never been in love with anyone.

I know you will say dating is haram in Islam anyway but I want to have a boyfriend and, after I graduate, get married to him inshallah.

I am going to university right now and I don't have any friends. This has made me an introvert person and I have social anxiety now. That's why I tried to find some friends online. I don't know what to do, I feel so lonely and I want to get rid of these sexual thoughts and acts.

Now please tell me is this a sin? You might find it a dumb question but I think I  just need to hear it.

Is masturbation haraam? Or is sexting a big sin like zina?

I am actually a very religious person, I am covered and do my prayers five times a day. I already said I always regret all of these things I did and I always repent. But they've always happened again so I just feel hopeless and ashamed. I want to get rid of this compeletely so that I can ask Allah for forgiveness without feeling so ashamed and be forgiven inshallah.

If you've read this so far thank you and I need your support, your opinions and advice brothers and sisters. Please.

shay

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

28 Responses »

  1. Asalamu alaikum Sis

    I'm 19 male We have quite similiar issues and till now I'm struggling with it but let me tell you one thing, that did help me alot more than anything is getting close to Allah by listening to lectures about hereafter and they punishment of Allah so it can build some hope/ fear of Allah and by doin so your iman(faith) will increase dramatically trust me I have done this it's going to solve it

    PS: try listening to quran translation

  2. get married asap to a good boy, that is the only solution

    • But what if someone doesn't have the means to get married? Quite easy for a girl but not for a boy who has to provide....

  3. OP: I am going to university right now and I don't have any friends. This has made me an introvert person and I have social anxiety now. That's why I tried to find some friends online. I don't know what to do, I feel so lonely and I want to get rid of these sexual thoughts and acts.

    Your social anxiety and being introvert will help you to stay virgin before marriage. You can't change your past. Your abuse as a child probably made you have stronger sex drive and even caused you to masturbate.

    In my opinion most people get sexually abused/touched when they are young, some forget and move on, others suffer emotionally for a long time. Masturbation is very common. Most young single people who go to chat rooms will do cybersex/phone sex if they get a chance to do it. Some times married people do these things too.

    Move on, focus on finding a good husband.

  4. Asalam o alaikum. Sister! Reading your problem made me so much humble and it pushed me to reply immediately. I have just offered a fajar prayer and decided to reply you. I am 26 and about to get married. I had done masters in Islamic studies and when I read your post I felt like I was looking in a mirror, I swear!
    My dear dear one, Allah is all merciful and He gives His men test and punishments. Now to differinciate between a test and a punishment is in a trial you get closer to God and in a punishment you drift far away. You are leaning towards Allah. Be strong my sis.
    Shaitan is everywhere and his mission is to lure us into sins. Sexting is absolutely haram. For if you see someone with a lustful eye, your eyes did zina, if you touch someone like that your hand did zina and if you hear, so on and forth. You get pleasure and it is addictive I get it no need to explain. That non muslim guy only says he loves you coz he was afraid that his entertainment would go away (been there done that). They have no rules boundaries or morals+ molesting a well covered and religious girls (even in fantasy) is the fetish among the non muslims nowadays. So I made that clear. Stop addressing any males, if possible leave the social sites ( I have), if not than clear your circles of any non mehrams. That will help alot.
    Listen to me when I say this. Your heart! Soul! Purity! Chastity is your pridest and the most precious possession. Do not! Do not give it to some monster who just wants pleasure for some time...
    Go to university and be good, study, play games, make friends with good girls. Try to read the problems of other girls who cant get married to the one they love just because their parents dont approve of it. My sweet sister I beg you!! Dont make a boyfriend coz it never ends well and it always hurts. The main reason is that Allah is angry on you. Make Allah your friend, ask Him for help, talk to Him when you are lonely, not to those hell hounds out there who just want to eat your heart and purity.
    Masturbation is a shameful act believe me and it is prohibited in islam BUT I did a research on it too and it turns out that there is a small opening. I read that if you get so aroused that you get afraid you will get into zina or it interferes with your daily life and doesnt let you pray even then you can do it just to keep away from major sins. I believe that and follow accordingly. I do other things to curb my drive. I exersize, I can walk a mile without getting tiered ( I walk in my house’s garden. It is small), I dont eat oily food and skip the dinner, so that I dont have extra pent up energy. I teach childern and play with my siblings ( they are all near my age), I cant leave my phone so I play green farm and it keeps me busy, I have gathered many duas over the internet to ask Allah for peace, and I couldnt stay away from social media so I joined this site and now I help my sisters too.
    There is hope because Allah is all mercifull and forever Living and He loves us 60 times more than a mother. Return to whome created you my beautiful, innocent and pure sister. Take a day, think about what you did wrong, clean your phone so that even if your father picks it up, you wouldnt be afraid, take a walk or sit in a quite place, think of what you did and how wrong was it, take a ghusal bath and imagine all the past and impurities are washing away from you. Go to a private room or place, offer two rakka namaz and then break before you Creator! Ask the One who has the right to be asked for! Repent my dear one, get your noor back. You are clean, you are pure. Allah says " oh son of adam, if you sin so much that your bad deeds reach the clouds and ask for my forgiveness, I will forgive it all".
    Your introvercy isnt because your thoughts, its because of lot of masturbation. I know all the hormonal and medical aspects aswell but thats a long story, you should try to google it. Its bad.
    You say you want to marry your boyfriend! Lets make it other way around shall we... why cant you make your husband your boyfriendヅ I am about to get married inshAllah and I have planned everything I want to do with my future husband/boyfriend :D. Prophet (pbuh) said" you will never witness a love such as between two people who are bound in the bond of nikah". So you decide! Do you want a love that brings pain, sin and uncertainty or do you want a love that will last forever(coz you will be a couple in heaven too), gives you unmatchable pleasure and is rewarded. Prophet (pbuh) said that if a man has sex with his wife, he gets sawaab. Sahaba asked ya Rasoul Allah (pbuh) how come a man fulfills his lust and is rewarded, Prophet(pbuh) replied "if someone does zina isnt he given gunah than why not given sawab if he does it the way Allah has orderd".
    My sister try! Repent! clean yourself, you are a mominah! You are pure! Your purity and innocence is priceless. Get out of the dark and follow the light! Read Quran(download the app), keep yourself busy, be happy, exersize, play, make friends, study, love Allah!, you are complete, you dont need a b.f to complete you. Ask Allah for a loyal and good muslim husband(never tell him about your past, thats between you and Allah). Make your husband you b.f. keep yourself clean and pure for you mystery guy ♥(your husband). Get close to Allah. InshAllah you will get peace...
    You are not alone... inshAllah.
    Wasalam may Allah give you peace and keep the darkend world of sin away from you and give you a handsome husband inside and out. Ameen

    • Your comment nearly brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for caring, for your honesty and understanding. After I've read similar stories on this site and your comment, now I feel better. I see that I'm not the only one going through this and I feel like I can handle it well. I know I'm strong and I'm not touching myself again. But I'm not ever going to let anyone touch me either. I completely understand what you've said but I feel like it will be better for me if I just get to know the person that I'm going to marry before marriage. As I said I'm an introvert person dealing with social anxiety so it makes it hard for me to be myself with someone I just met. And I believe it takes time to truly know someone. If I just end up in an arranged marriage I'm afraid I won't ever be happy. I don't wanna be married to someone I can't be comfortable with and that's what will happen if we don't spend some time before marriage. I don't want to be have to stay married someone I don't love just for the sake of parents or other people or maybe our children. Marriage is hard work and it's forever so I want everything to be right about it. I believe as long as you don't exceed the limits dating can be okay. I mean I'm not going to let anyone touch me or kiss me or anything. If he's the right person he'll understand and respect me anyway. But anyway, time will show. I am happy that you've found your significant other though and I hope, inshallah, you will have a peaceful, happy marriage. Thank you for your support and kind words.

      • You are welcome sister...
        May Allah keep you on the right path. Ameen

      • Dear brothers and sisters in Islam let me share a panacea for your to get rid of even the devilish thoughts which are basically from devil. Just close your eyes and listen to Surah Rehman in voice of Qari Syed Sadaqat Ali without translation 3 times a day for 14 days. Keep a covered glass of water in front of you when your are listening to it. When you are done with listening Surah Rehman which 21 minutes long journey just take the water in glass after recting Allah for three times. Drink water in three sips. Insha Allah I can challenge you that afterwards your thoughts will be purified provided you abstain from all sorts of licentious material for specified 14 days. Just do remember me in your prayers if anyone of you get out of his/her darkness.

    • May Allah Aaza wa jall bless you sister that was the most beautiful encouraging advice i ever read about masturbation .. Please pray for all the girls and boys who suffer from this issue and are stuck in it trying to get out .. Ohh it kinda brought tears to my eyes aswell .. Assalamu alaykomm sister jazaki allahu khayrann

    • Arwa: They have no rules boundaries or morals+ molesting a well covered and religious girls (even in fantasy) is the fetish among the non muslims nowadays. So I made that clear. Stop addressing any males, if possible leave the social sites ( I have), if not than clear your circles of any non mehrams. .........Your introvercy isnt because your thoughts, its because of lot of masturbation.

      non-Muslims molesting well covered religious girls is scary. how do you know this? did some religious girls or non-Muslims guys tell you that?

      How masturbation makes one introvert?

    • I am crying after reading your reply, may Allah grant you Firdaws Al Aala for being so understanding and passionate about helping someone in need

    • Assalamulaikum,
      I know this is a very old post but Alhumdullilah it has reached me and hundreds of other people.I cannot thank you enough for clearing my mind.I dont masturbate but i sext alot but after reading this I am In Sha Allah never even go near it.It has been a wonderful advice.If it is permissable can i share this peice of advice with others?
      Jazakkallah sister

    • Thank You so much :'(
      I will definitely do what u said. I am also the victim of all the things she said. Khudara Allah mjje

    • Thank you, thank you, thank you for saying this.. I cried.. and I hadn't cried in a long time. I've been through the same things, and you have no idea how much your words comforted me. May Allah give you a happy life. Ameen.

  5. Dear shay,

    I would like to tell you that you shouldn't talk to this guy point blank.

    you probably already guessed that I am a guy. so I can tell the only way you can stop mascurbating.

    firstly do you pray 5 times a day regularly?
    everytime you are about to mascurbate make wudhu and pray sunnah Salah and sincerely ask Allah to protect you from this evil.

    Read Quran 1 Juz daily/ DEFINITELY GET GOOD MUSLIM FRIENDs a they will influence you to do good and you may FEEL LIKE A HYPOCRIte which is normal and will FORCE YOU TO STOP doing IT.

    Secondly, the Rasool (SAW) encouraged muslims & muslimahs to get married at a young age to avoid temptation.

    when is it OBLIGATORY for a Muslim to get married?

    First criteria :pubic hair, boobs
    second criteria: when they masturbate or watch porn/ highly sexualised

    Shay arranged marriages are NOT the same as FORCED marriages you can choose whether you like the person & you want to marry them.

    When young Muslims GO TO UNIVERSITY the freedoms and sexual temptations will be to much to cope with and I have heard of many cases where Muslims break their virginity .

    DO NOT FORGET ALLAH describes marriage in Quran as impenetrable fortress that protect both spouse form Shaytan

    wa alaykum wassallam

  6. believe me..makes yourself busy...i had experienced all the things u mention..alhamdulillah i can got rid all those problems..i remembered in one of habib ali al jufri lecture he said..even though you make a sin but you have the feeling of regret deep in your heart even only the small one..be happy..that is a sign that allah still remember you..dont let that light gone..find a way..that is jihaad..may allah guide you..ameen

  7. Is that a typo and suppose to be texting? Why is texting haram? Or is sexting different then texting?
    Im asking here because I don't know if it would be wise to google that word.

  8. Why is sex so exciting, and why is it so private? sometimes even talking about it or even just thinking ('coz its related to mind, that's true), or just a touch, makes andorphins flowing in the body. why is it kinda dirty, taboo, and yet so lusting? Its present in all ages, just meanings and requirements change.

    Men are more perverted, dirty and make females do it too to indulge into the dirty acts. If it was supposed to produce children, could have been other ways, like the pleasure part, atleast there wouldn't have been rapes, or other crimes due to it(masturbation, adultry, zina, homo or bi-sexuality), or atleast men would have been men and not going dogs, 'coz everywhere men and mostly from the low backgrounds, comment so vulgar about girls.

    What else to say, i'm a man myself, i know what's going on in a man's head most of the time. One can only divert his mind/thoughts, but can't have control over his mind/thoughts, if anyones says so that he can control his mind, then he's just not man, but superman.

    I've really started hating the fact i'm too part of the same male race, i've started hating sex, can't even think about being with girls in that way. I think its injustice to give men such a drive. And that there is no existance of love, but lust(sex) which disguises behind the love. One just awaits for his/her marriage, then why is it always there?

    btw when I saw AntiChrist and it gave me a different feeling, to look from a woman's perspective too. Its a feeling of togetherness, of being touched & loved, its a need, its a disease and also a therapy. ITS A ADDICTION,

    We are just bound by the goods and bads(power of thinking), otherwise we are all animals.

    Well maybe only God has the best answer to all, maybe this is how he wanted us to be... We should just focus on our deeds.

    (convince heart with those last lines, still the truth is what it is)

    • "Myself", you are confused. Sex is like anything in life: it can be done in a good and halal way, or in a dirty and haram way. There is nothing inherently taboo or dirty about it. Between a husband and wife, lovemaking is a healthy and enjoyable activity that creates closeness. Also, it's a myth that women do not have sexual desire. They do.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Salaam!
    I won't say I have done it but yeah, I have confronted an issue like this. I also met one friend online and started to losing on him. The only fact I was so attracted towards him is because of his dedication towards Islam plus good looks are just a bonus. once while we talking he asked me for my hand or foot picture... earlier I thought every person ha sits own way to know other... first I ignored but after him asking for almost 8-10 times.. i clicked a simple picture of my foot and shared with him. Then only the things started to happen.. he asked me do some fetish things but seriously, because I love him for his death dictation towards Islam...All these fetish things was a major turn off to me and at that point I almost thought of get rid of him. But, then he realised the things and started texting normally... see, it can happen because we all are humans and you should have a control over all such things. I advice you to make Islamic your priority like over people you love. Doing so will ultimately makes you turn off of him if he asks for any such wrong things .... like it happens to me.
    hope, it will help you. (:

  10. It's probably too late to reply i sincerely hope and pray to Allah that you are going great by now and by the grace of Allah you are saved from shaytans path.
    I'm a male just turned 22 it's the same thing with me no matter how much i try i alway end up doing it on chat only good part about myself is deep down in my heart i know i want to leave it and i will leave it.
    In Sha Allah i will be going really really far away from these devlish acts.
    Trust me the root of such evil act starts from talking to guy or in my case talking to a girl.
    For me the best way is to stop talking to the opposite gender and start talking to your parents and make then your friends as i do.
    May Allah help us in each and every way possible and guide us to the right path and may Allah help all of our Muslim sisters the most because you females are most vulernable.
    Take care and May Allah give you, me and every Muslim the best of this world and the afterlife.

  11. Salam oukhti , I know what it seems after reading it 2 years after being posted but I'm livibg the same thing. The only difference is that I had sexted with a Muslim (and still doing it) . I can't stop it actually and it resulted into social anxiety and introversion.
    I was sexually harrassed and raped in my young years (i'm 20 years old) and I feel what you have gone through.
    May Allah forgive us.

  12. Salam sister,
    I stumbled across this and saw ur post. I'm so sorry what happened to you. I cannot imagine your pain but i do know what it's like to be abused. Im prayin for you inshallah. ive have a rough past and want some love In my life. i know it's haram but i really want a bf too.
    While i was going through tpugh time quraan an salah helped. Pray to allah from ur soul. Be true and he will help you. hope it was useful . x

  13. Aslam alaikom sister,
    I know what you going through and I am going through similar situation. But I've been getting better and better.
    As to what stopped me from doing it was a Sahih Hadith. The hadith goes, that on that day (judgment day), there will be people who have done good deeds the size mountains and Allah ج will get rid of them like husks in wind. And Allah ج will tell the person that you hid your sin from my creation because you were afraid of them. But you carried on with your sin in solitude while fully knowing that I was watching you.
    Essentially carrying with any sin especially in solitude will render all your good deeds worthless. So be afraid of that day when Allah ج will tell you, 'be part of the people of the hell because you did not choose me'.
    Thanks you
    Hope this helped.

Leave a Response