Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Questions about going on Umrah and violence between parents

Makkah

(Editor's note: I have combined both of your posts into one for the sake of convenience.)

Assalamualaikum.

Question 1:

My parents have decided to go for Omra this Ramadan. Even I want to go, but the problem is I have exams at my university during that period. Now I am confused. Please suggest me what to do. Thank you.

Question 2:

I am in a dilemma now. My father and mother had a big fight. My father has hit my mother hard without any reason. Now my parents want to separate. I understand my mother's pain, but my father has always treated me like a princess. He loves me alot, and so do I. I don't know what to do. Who should I stay with? I am really helpless. Please guide me. Thank You.

-Adiba

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    As we have now completed this year's Ramadan, I'm sorry that we were unable to answer your query regarding Umrah before. I hope that you were able to make a decision that you felt comfortable with, and that your university exams went well if you sat them.

    If you are thinking of planning to go on Umrah, it might help to sit down with the people you want to go with and arrange a time that allows you all to go without having to worry about day-to-day matters. Unfortunately, many countries' education systems aren't very flexible with regards spiritual obligations, so it may not be possible to reschedule exams - it might therefore be easier for you to arrange Umrah for a time when you don't have any exams coming up.

    I'm sorry to hear about your parents wanting to separate. Marital breakdown can be hard for everyone involved, and children can often feel their loyalties are torn, no matter how old we are (young or old, our parents are our parents, and no one can replace them in our affections). You don't have to choose a side, as you can love both your parents and support them both through this time. Maybe you and your mum could attend a study class or volunteering project together, to help her regain her confidence and build up her independence? Your father might benefit from some anger management counselling, or to speak with someone to explore why he acted in that way and how he can ensure he never does it again - encourage him to repent for his actions, as domestic violence is not acceptable - even if this was a "one off" in his mind, it is a very serious thing, and a symptom that he needs to address deeper issues.

    Living arrangements in such situations can be awkward to sort out, to say the least. Guidance is given in the Quran about custody arrangements for children, but now that you are of adult age yourself it might be worth discussing with your parents or even with an imam if you can't come to a resolution within the family, to decide what would be Islamically appropriate. Whichever parent you stay with, or even if you move into a place of your own, try to maintain good relationships with both and to support them both through this time.

    Make sure you look after yourself as well and get as much support as you need. Many universities have student support services or pastoral care tutors who you can contact if you need someone to talk to, and they may also be able to give you some flexibility with deadlines for coursework (on compassionate grounds).

    May Allah give you and your family comfort and strength during these trials, and to move forward with forgiveness and hope.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  2. Choose both dnt take sides u may be able to re-kindle thyre feelings..
    Ur young thy bth ur parents mamah and papah be open and honest n stay strong

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