Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Rape and sexual molestation, verbal abuse and depression

Button against rape

Rape is a crime. It is never the fault of the victim.

Asalamaualaykum brothers and sisters

i have a very painful story to tell.

i met a boy 2 and half years ago we started liking each other he was so good in the beginning of the relationship that fell in love with him and decided to marry him he was always there to help me in all sort of issues. he met my parents they liked him too and was planning for marriage.

very unfortunate with the sudden death of my father had changed every thing in my life and with the relationship at first he started shouting on me without any reason and forced me to leave the job of teaching and stay at home knowing the fact that my father had expired and there is no source of income. then he started abusing me started calling me with names and always showed that its my fault for his name calling.

he started beating me one day he had beaten me so badly that my neck ligaments got broken and the reason for beating me was sex he wanted to have sex and begin a Muslim girl i know its a sin and i never wanted to commit sin so i lied and tried to ran away from him but he caught me and beaten me.i stopped talking to him but he kept on calling me. After a month he lied that he is not well and will die if i wouldn't meet him as a human i went to see him and he raped me used his power and showing blade he said he will kill me with the blade if i will not give him sex he had a brutal sex with me. i got injured and went to the doctor for a treatment.

from that day on wards he always says he wants to marry me but i don't want to marry him. he again started calling me with names i was so scared of him i am forced to talk to him otherwise he comes to home and creates drama. i live alone with my mother after my father's death.

after 5 months of the rape incident he again made an excuse that now he is improvement he feels bad for what he had done to me so he just wanted to say sorry to me and i am such a fool i believed him again and went to meet him again  he again raped me showing blade to me that he will cut me with the blade will kill me with the blade if i will not have sex with him he forced me to have oral contraceptive so that he should be satisfied. i felt so helpless feared this time i got more injury than previous one.

now he says he wants to have sex when he desire of and i have to come and had to give him what he wants oral anal virginal sex every thing otherwise he will kill me and will my mother i have not met him after that. i don't want to go police because its like talking about rape is a double degree torture to me

please suggest what to do DOES not want to commit sin like zina

please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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19 Responses »

  1. Sister if out of fear and pressure you have done what you did with him. I don't want to mention then know that it's not the action but intention that will be judged by Allah. So if you felt helpless and couldn't do anything while he raped you you are not at fault. He has committed a big crime which can lead him to prison. For your safety it would be best you tell everything that happened to the police. It's a serious offence. And seek help from your good friends and close family members that you have good relationship with.

    Otherwise it will get worse over time and he will get more aggressive. Your life is at stake here take this opportunity and tell the police. He can land at least 25 years behind bars for what he's done to you.

  2. My dear sister,

    This is a RAPE case, why the [expletive deleted by Editor] would you not go to the police.
    Look i am a muslim so the sex before marriage i can understand.
    I cant say that i feel your pain but you need to stand up dor your self.

    Look i have dealt with this kind of problem before...i cant physically be there to sort this scum out but my email is [contact details removed by Editor]

    But for godsake dont be scared to ask for help. There are different departments for this kind of problem. Go to the police and tell them everything.

    I will wait for your reply

  3. You must like the abuse? Sister your educated leave him.you can give him khula. You will do so much better....most of all please build your IMAN and learn SALAH properly and love the quran. .Get involved with the women's chapter at lcoal Sunni mosque.please sister I care
    .
    And when you do leave charge him so that will teach him a lesson.
    .It seems that the Devil got the best of him.

    • Brother do you even read what the poster writes about? She lives in constant fear and you are asking her to get involved with the mosque? She is not even married and you are asking her to take Khula. She
      lost her father suddenly and you are asking her if she likes abuse? Do you even know what it means to live without a
      guardian in certain parts of the world?
      Brother enrol yourself in the same program that your wife has done in the males section and do not respond here till you complete that course and pass their exam.

  4. Dear sister,

    I am so sorry to hear all this. I do not know why certain ppl are so inhumane and hurt others this way, I cant imagine how they sleep at night.

    You are not at fault in anyway my dear, whatever has happened was unfortunate and I know you must be going through lots of pain and I will pray Allah lessens that for you.

    Please take stand. You need to go some sort of police authority, or law enforcement since this person is still on the loose. He should be taken into custody before he does this to someone else.

    I am glad you at least came to this site for advice and support. You are not alone sister, you have all of us and most of all Allah (SWT) and this man will have to pay the price.

    May Allah heal all your pain and help you. Please write back, will be waiting to hear from you.

  5. Dear sister in need of help,

    Please seek help from your authority. Please don't let him hurt, use and rape you.

    https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/crime-info/types-crime/rape-sexual-assault-and-sexual-harassment

    Please sister get up and help yourself. If you don't speak up things will go brutally worse for you ...

    There are many organisations out there to help women like you. Please don't let this coward get away with all this heinous act of his.

    I pray that Allah swt gives you strength to stand up for justice, ameen

    Love,
    Sister Me

  6. Dear sister,
    Really sorry to hear all this. May Allah help you and keep you safe and give you all the strength you need to fight that beast. I will suggest you to imnediately contact police and file a report against him. If you do not make a report he will torture you as long as he desires and he could be more dangerous in future. Do not trust him and do not give him a chance to exploit you again. Do not even talk to him on telephone. Kindly keep it a secret just go to the police without ibforming him.
    Get help fast do not waste time please.
    May Allah bless you.amin

  7. Dear sister,
    I think he is mentally sick person, I second Abu n Sohaib , call 911 and tell them everything otherwise he might create a bigger problem for you one day. Try to move to some other state if u can. I can see you n ur mother in trouble. You must be having some relatives in any other state , talk to them if u think it's possible. Take help of police my sister ASAP. may Allah help you.

  8. Don't go to the police just for rape if you don't have any valid proof. Because that will just get you in more investigations which will be trouble for you.
    But you SHOULD go to police for the death threats if you think they are serious. Though, I don't think he will kill you.
    Does he take drugs, alcohol etc?? Does he have a bad character apart from this one thing?
    You need to think and ask yourself if you still want him or want to marry him. Because if he just wants you then you should marry and give him what he wants. He would be frustrated too for some of your faults.
    You also need to think what faults you made that led him to this behavior from being a good guy. Asking online would not help much since we don't know the other part of the story and the missing details. Maybe you made some mistakes too. For example you said that he apologized but when you went to him he raped again. We don't know what happened in between. He could be good inside. He still could be the good person you once knew.
    So the best thing is to ask yourself if you want him. Then talk to him peacefully and ask about his wishes. If you both still want each other then just MARRY him.
    Forget the past, make him forget too and just think peacefully what you want. Then talk with his and your parents and get married. That way both of you will get satisfied.

    On the other hand if you decide you just want to leave him then make it a firm decision, tell him once and for all and don't talk to him again. If he tries still then you can tell his parents first and then report to police for harassment.

    But choose one path first. Either marrying him or leaving him. If the decision is to leave then please don't talk and go to him when he apologizes like he did after 5 months.

    • Mr/Ms "Help"

      Did you even read what the sister said? Clearly you did not. She has already said that she does not want to marry this individual and it is clear from what she has written that she is living in fear. Whether you believe the man will act on his death threats or not is irrelevant because for this sister, it is a legitimate fear and a reality.

      You're telling this sister to marry him if she still has feelings for him. If this was your daughter, would you telling your daughter to marry her rapist if "she still liked him"??

      And honestly, stop it with the victim blaming. You are minimizing the sisters experience and trauma by blaming her for the actions. "He would be frustrated too for some of your faults.
      You also need to think what faults you made that led him to this behavior from being a good guy." So this man got frustrated with her faults, that gives him the right to rape her and do whatever he wants? it was the sisters faults that made him do it?? This man made the conscious decision to do everything he did. He made that choice. And he is to blame for it, no one else.

      You also clearly know nothing of abuse in its various forms. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, psychological abuse. All of these things this person did to this sister and you're actually suggesting that she marry him? "Because if he just wants you then you should marry and give him what he wants?" Women are not cattle that cannot be taken (or married) and used for whatever purpose. What about what she wants? Why does she have to give him what he wants? Why shouldn't he give her what she wants? Clearly you need to read up on the rights and responsibilities of a husband to his wife.

      I sincerely hope this sister did not follow your misogynistic advice and I sincerely hope you would not treat the women in your family in the way you have spoken to this sister.

    • Mate are you feeling ok???? That's a rape case, RAPE do you know what that is. I feel sad that I can only give an advice. True muslims will understand her, this sister is not wrong at all. She should go to the police and then I hope the police will SWAT on that scums ass.

  9. Just can't understand the logic behind marrying the same person again.... Afterall, a girl commits a mistake only once... If she went to him for the second time, I seriously don't know what this girl is upto after having a nightmare once.... How could one still love n think of a person who did this..... Beaten, assaults etc...... She is a naive like the girls we see from all the other posts.. She shouldn't have went towards him... It paved the way for all the bed... Just can't understand what she meant by the word " meet "..

  10. I agree with unknown as I cant understand also as how you want to see that man again when he had beaten you to the extent that your neck bones very damaged and then he raped you. Now my question is why would you even pick up his call. wasn't his raping you draw the line.

    Now if he comes home and creates drama, then create drama also by shouting and gathering people it is not at all bad then being forced to do something haram. Do anything to save yourself. Tell your mother everything. Ask your school principal for help if you must. Do anything he is nothing to you. He is not your husband. So he has no right lawfully.

  11. Where do you live and does the police on your country take rape seriously enough to pursue such cases without victim blaming? Is there a rape crisis centre in your area? If yes then I advise you to contact them. Unfortunately 6 months have passed so there is no dna or evidence left.

    To strengthen your case seeing as you are in touch with him still, get him to talk on the phone and record him. Dont meet him unless its in public and then record him.

    He violates you and then threatens you. What are you waiting for?

  12. I am very sad to hear that..

    Please don't fear of him he can not do anything.He is scaring you complain him to the police station and if your father is died then you should take help of your relatives and your Muslim Neighbors. ALLAH will help you and protect you Ameen

  13. assalam alaikum
    sister first you should pray for yourself that allah protects you from him and shaitaan got full control of him
    and you should pray that may allah gave him hadayat.......you should no do any thing he says and any threats he makes that he will kill you and your mother.the best thing is that you should make dua for your self and also make dua for him that may allah gave him hadayat.remove all contacts from him and should involve the most honest trust worthy elders they should help you get rid of him and as i said before asks allah for help
    allah will help you no matters what happens.

  14. one thing more sister make dua with a believe that allah will solve your problem and inshallah it will be solved
    mostly people make dua and they wanted to have their dua to be granted as they desired and when it not granted as they desire they fall into despair that why allah not grants their dua's remember that our dua will be granted if not at that as we desire then there should be a reason which only allah knows so please dont fall into despair if your dua will not be granted as you desire and inshallah i will make dua for you too.

  15. marry somebody else fast that is the only solution i see clearly.

  16. if somebody rapes you , you can even kill to safegaurd yourself and it is not punishable in islam, but do it away from people as people nowadays are small brained. they dont understand all.

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