Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Raped before puberty

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Rape is a crime. It is never the fault of the victim.

Aoa.Im a 16 yo girl. I was raped by a servant when I was 5 years old,but no one in my family knows that and I realized that when I grew up (about what had happened to me). Now my question is that firstly,would i still be considered virgin as I was very young and had not reachrd puberty? And if im not,will anyone marry me when I grow up? Or will i be considered impure,and my future has gone down the drain?


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11 Responses »

  1. Aslamulaikum Sister,

    It will not effect your future, but do not do it again or let this happen again, then it might effect you and your future, just pray 5 times a day and spend more of your time in ibadat make prayer to ALLAH and believe in ALLAH.

    it won't drain your future, you can marry any one. May ALLAH bless you.


    • Maharban, what do you mean "do not do it again"? She did not DO anything! She was raped when she was 5. It was not a choice she made! Do not blame girls and women for rape!!! You must correct this backward, inverted way of thinking.

      To the sister, you are completely blameless. So yes, would be considered a virgin. There is no need to tell anyone about it except for a therapist or counselor who you can talk to privately and confidentially. However, if you know the person who did it and he is still in your community, then in my opinion you have an obligation to inform people so that he can be stopped. If he did it to you, he has no doubt done it to others.

      Wael Editor

      • Hi weal,

        My purpose is not to blame her and I read that she didn't do it. But that was an advise to not to get involved any such activity becuase I have seen and studied many such cases where such person get involved ( not talking specifically to u sis ) in this by thinking they have already lost virginity and with this disappointment the had relation with other..
        Hope u understand why I wrote it..

        And sis if it cause u hurting I apologize. Purpose was to just to educate u not to blame....

    • [offensive comments removed by editor]

      • Assalaamualaikum

        I tried to edit the offensive language, but actually that was almost the entirety of your comment. Debate and discussion are welcome here, but there is no need to swear.

        Midnightmoon editor

  2. Dear Lost-Muslimah,

    You are totally pure and untouched. What has happened has happened. You can't change, I can't change, no one can change it. You are not to blame whatsoever. Foul people are around. They should be in jail. In shaa Allah if not in this life then in the Hereafter there will justice for you and for everyone else too! Forget the past, live the present and make good plans for your future in shaa Allah.

    Focus on your academic studies (GCSEs, A'levels, degree, career, masters) and learn as many skills as possible, such as sewing, baking, driving, cooking, pottery, candel making, photography and many more. Also here and there do some voluntary work for your school, college, community... Basically use your time wisely. And most importantly learn more Islam. Day by day practice Islam with best of your ability. Be humble <3 and learn and know more about Allah swt as much as possible, in shaa Allah.

    Spend time with your family. Be involved with them. Be part of your family matters. Find solutions to your respected family's problems. And every other year go on holiday with family but if not financially able then have long weekend away from your city or if not do picnics with family and friends. During winter invite family friends round to yours or attend community events...

    And once you are ready get married to a very nice, hard working practising brother and raise a beautiful Muslim family, In shaa Allah :))

    In sha Allah always be proactive in life.

    Love and hugs from your sister,
    Xxx 🙂

  3. Asalaamu Alaikum dear sister,

    No matter if this incident happened before or after puberty, rape is NEVER EVER the victims fault. Please don't listen to certain users who are implying that.

    You were only five, and unaware of what had been happening of course. You should definitely inform a trusted adult about the person who did this to you if he is still in the community, or if you know exactly where he lives.

    Yes, of course you are considered a virgin -- again, what happened to you was not your fault and the ruling on virginity only applies to zina. So no, you are not "impure" like you asked.
    You should really start seeing a therapist if this incident is still troubling you, and tell your parents.

  4. Assalaamualaikam

    As has already been said, there is no fault or blame on your part - what happened was not your fault and your purity remains.

    Childhood sexual abuse is tragically quite widespread, and often the people committing these atrocious acts escape justice by ensuring the people they target are too young and vulnerable to fight back or report what has happened. But you are not too young now. You are a strong Muslimah and can stand up to say that this will not define you. If you feel able to, and if it is safe to do so, I would recommend reporting this... person (I can't bring myself to refer to him as a man, as no real man would act in such a way) to the authorities so that they can pursue justice and inshaAllah protect potential victims.

    You may find it helpful to speak with a therapist or counsellor about what happened, to help prevent these events from continuing to affect how you feel about yourself.

    Midnightmoon editor

  5. Never think like that...Allah is aware of all and all is recorded. ...Never look in the past just go forward....We all have a story because we are not perfect.....prophet Muhammad PBUH was perfect.....Remember SHAITAN will use these and other tactics to weaken your mind and heart....And idle man's mind is a devils workshop.......My advice surround yourself with pious practising people..attend lectures charity fundraisers. This will give you great blessings and satisfaction. who helps Allah's Deen Allah will help you.But you must be observant of Salah 5 times a day....Reading quran and do zikr. .there should be a daily schedule because if these are left out...then no doubt you will live a stressful worry life and this is fact....Allah has mentioned it in the holy ask forgiveness become best and not worry what has passed.....Look for a man who has iman and has a career...this is were you will be successfull. .but the person must have taqwa fear of Allah but kind and soft in words is the signs....he is never aggressive or harsh....he mstly silent because of the ilm he has!!!

  6. You were 5 ... you were RAPED. It was NOT your fault. You are as pure and as perfect as the day you were born ALHAMDOLILLAH and YES you are a virgin ALHAMDOLILLAH.
    May Allah keep you blessed and safe always. Don't think there is anything wrong with you.

  7. You are the purest soul in the world. How did you even get this idea that the rapist has changed you in any way. Boys also get raped by men, and grow up to live the full life. If you can, report this guy to police and live life of peace and blessing

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