I am a revert facing hatred from my parents; I also discovered recently that I was raped by my father in my childhood
Salam brothers and sisters,
I found out a couple of months ago, that my biological father raped me when I was a child.
I am a recent convert to Islam, but I always believed in waiting for marriage before having 'sex', and I was hurt to find out that this happened when I was younger, because I felt like I was living a lie.
My mother doesn't know that I have found out what happened, because I read it in a case file for a lawsuit against my biological father. I don't know what to do.
To top it off, my parents hate my conversion and make my life miserable everyday, I feel deeply unwanted.
I don't want to share this with the possible 'husband', or his family because I feel embarrassed and ashamed of my past. Am I allowed to hide this from my future spouse? I don't want to be the person that everyone feels bad for, but I don't know whether or not I should disclose this. ...
- BlueBerry
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Assalaamu Aleikum sister, May Peace and Blessings of allah be upon you..
Welcome to Islam My Dear sister and Congrats for choosing the only Religion accepted by Allah s.w.t.
Your father's situation, it depends on your level stress is puts you in,,,, If you think you can live knowing your father raped you and might hunt you when you grow older and might effect your future life, then seek help, see counselors / psychiatrist while the wound is new,,,
I personally don't think you should tell anyone about it,, like i said it might get to a point where you can't keep it as a sectret anymore and that will depend on your lever of worrisom that it might be better for you to share....
Do you still live with your parents?
Reverts are mostly if not always tested by their families,... be patient my dear sister and stay firm Insha'allah Allah will open the doors of His mercy for you...
But do not disobey your parents unless they are telling you to leave your religion which is the difference between you and them now....
Sister BlueBerry
What your father did was inexcusable. But it was not due to any fault, failure, or weakness in you, dear sister.
I suggest that you keep this to yourself. It takes a special husband to accept such a thing, and I think most Muslim men would not fault you or be bothered by this. They might want to hunt down your father and seek retribution, and this could lead to a difficult situation. I know if I knew of a woman who was raped by her father, I would have trouble being near the father without confronting him about it. So it is best to keep this to yourself. Allah will be the ultimate judge of your father's actions, and will treat your father as he deserves to be treated.
Do not let this past event shape your future. I know that is easy to say, but if you seek Allah's will, he will guide you on the proper path, one that he has chosen for you.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalam oalykum wr wb. all the praises to allah swt that he guide you with truth. Well if you hid this it wont be appropriate inaccordance with folds of islam . Tell me When you came to knew this how much you are hurt indeed what if your husband will come to know about it? FOr sure he will indeed one day be omniscient so when you feel that you have a right husband say this to him . ANd you have all the right to live away with your family .you shouldnt live anymore with your father .
Note: THis is a note to all of our Muslims that we should wear modest indeed also in front of mahram or even infront of womens that is why islam asks to dress modestly . BEcause now adays its so common to dress modern and dont think of consequence .
Sister Bella.
I disagree with your opinion vehemently. After the day of judgement, if Allah grants us jannah, we shall all have perfect knowledge. However you are acting as judge here and now, placing your views above the judgement of Allah. If I were you I would rethink my position.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
I just want to clarify my comments.
You appear to be acting as judge here. I may be missing something.
However, after reaching Jannah, after the day of judgement, I think that the mercy shown by Allah to all of us who reach Jannah will be so great, so compassionate, so wise, that a sister not voluntarily disclosing that she was raped will certainly not upset her husband in any fashion.
If, when seeking a husband, she is asked directly, then I would recommend she deflect the question without answering directly, without deception, and without shame, and seek another candidate who does not ask such questions.
I know that a pious Muslim man, granted Jannah by Allah, shown such infinite mercy, will clearly not be upset in the least her keeping this information to herself.
I know that Allah will see into your heart, sister Bella, and judge you fairly. he will also judge sister Blueberry fairly.
May Allah grant you His best.
AmericanMuslim
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Bella,
What has your comment about 'modesty and clothing' got to do with the author's situation? Clearly, nothing. Please stick to the point.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalamu alikum,
what you went through, you do not have to share with anyone. If you trust the person, and feel that you would like to share that part of yourself and expect the person to handle it with maturity, then do so. It should be something earned, but its not a must.
You do not have to share as this was not your fault, I know its shocking to find something like that out, but dont let it define you. It was something in the past, and Allah alone can deal with your father and give you justice for what he has done. You have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all! This was beyond your control, and things you cant control dont stress about it- because you cant change what has happened.
Also, you are still a virgin, dont think you are not. You are a virgin if you did not have consensual sex, with a loving partner- not a rape. Rape does not count.
As for the conversion, as long as you are home with them, try your best to keep peace, and practice if you can. If you cant be open about being a muslim and say praying- then pray secretly-so you dont get punished as you still depend on your family. Allah knows whats inside your heart, if you have faith then Allah is always there for you.
Give your family sometime to absorb that you are changing. Its hard for them, they had a vision of what they want their daughter to be, and most parent dream about their children practicing the same faith as them. So its hard for them to watch you, as they view it that you are deviating from their way of life. The change is scaring them, and they are fighting back because they want to keep you as you were when you were younger. You just have to keep firm in your faith and let them know that you are still the same person and still love them no matter what miserable conditions they put upon you. This is your challenge, but in time they will come to terms with this.
Think about it this way, for every challenge in life, if you are patient and strong and turn to Allah you get good deed automatically. if you ever get frustrated, just think that Allah is the creator and he will take care of you and always will.
Also read the other conversion questions in this website- i know alot of them are going through similar situation. It might be helpful to know what others have done to deal with their situations.
Hope you are doing well sister. Stay strong, and this too shall pass.
Samira
Marsallah I felt so bad reading your post I'm so sorry that your father has done such a terrible think, but please you have to move on and pray to Allah everyday and night to help you get threw this pain.
Assalam am really sorry about wat u r going thru u dont need to tell anyone but u can discuss this with ur mother if. You think it Will make you feel much better
Dear sister,
There are thre reasons why people (as your parents) feels hatred against Islam
1. Due to media
2. Due to ignorance of Islam
3. Due to uncomfort against a strict religion guiding men and women from everything how to greet people, to trade, pay taxes and have sex with eachothers.
Islam sends shiver down the spine of these people, because our condemns hidious acts, and praises beautiful acts and gestures.
Peace be upon you and your belowed and all muslims
Your Turkish brother
salam alikum
i'm also sorry to hear about what happened in your past but what you do have to consider is that whoever you marry needs to know before hand you don't want him running away from you after marriage just make it clear to him if he loves you he'll accept it if not he won't and it'll clearly show you which way to go when getting married to a guy and you'll realize if he's the right guy for you or not, but may Allah shower his blessing on you and your future inshAllah.
As Salaam Wa Alaikum sister, and welcome to Islam
My suggestion would be don't speak to anyone except your mother or councillors-as someone suggested earlier Allah SWT punishment is more than enough for your father (such a despicable person). The reason I say this is there is no reason for anybody else to know. Our religion says you are still a virgin and if you didn't stumble upon the papers sister maybe you would still not have known.
Leave the past where it is sister and move on with your life-seek professional help if you feel you need to talk
Be strong sister-may Allah guide you through your troubles and help you to remain steadfast-Ameen
I feel so sad you went through this, but you dont need to tell your husband, this wasn't your fault remember that sister. May you get through this difficult time inshallah.
Why my comments are deleted because i speak truth and against your opinions?!! I am a student of uloom ul shariah
For anyone's comments to be deleted, there must be something questionable with the manner or content of their speech.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Asalamualaikum sister
Please please please don't ever have the urge to tell ur future husband or anyone except your mother jus to have someone to talk to to clear urge mind.marriage is sometimes really difficult and you don't want your husband to bring this up ever and sHaitan is powerful.you are in our prayers and ask Allah swt to help you heal from this.don't mention it to anyone. Love you fisabillilah
Shaitan is not powerful. He looks out for weaknesses and plays on those.
Allah is All Powerful.
SisterZ
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Good point, thank you. Actually Shaytan has no power at all except to whisper and suggest.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Yes, Allah says the same thing in the Quran. In surah an Nisa, Aayah 76:
"...Ever feeble indeed is the plot of Shaitan (Satan)."
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Keep it a secret and ask for Allah`s help to get u over this terrible pain,pray day and night and inshallah everything for u will get back to normal.