Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Ready for marriage but still single


Salaam everyone

I have something on my mind lately, I was wondering if someone could advise and guide me with some wisdom.

I am a 23 year old mature woman, I have completed all aspects of my education and have a career Alhamdulilah. I feel I am now ready for marriage, I joined a marriage matrimonial website since 21 ready in advance to search for my future spouse. I have never had a relationship in the past and always wanted to save myself for marriage.
During the last two years I have been meeting up with people who I have been getting to know with the intention of 'halal' dating.
With no physical relationship or contact, in public over a coffee date or something. The problem is since contemplating I have met up with several potentials - am I doing right or wrong?
If I don't feel compatibility I admit it and move on to the next... Is it wrong that I am exposing myself to these people? Even if it's over a coffee?
My parents are not searching for a potential proposal as they're too busy with my elder sister. When I did have a rishta they didn't think too much of it and gave it no notice so that didn't go very well.
I just want to settle down and have my own family, I feel my life is at stand still I feel very alone and lost. I'v always wanted to be married by 24, however I just can't find the right person. Do you have any suggestions? Any wazifas for marriage?
Please advise
JzkaAllah Khair

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    I get the sense that you are looking at marriage as something on a "to do" list. Getting married by a certain age isn't sensible. Nothing happens at one year of age that doesn't happen at the one before or two years after it.

    When people want to marry, it's because they've found someone they truly care about or are struggling with the fitna of being single. You mention being lonely, but overall it doesn't sound like it's causing a lot of distress. It sounds like you are managing your social and professional life just fine, and somehow feel "it's time" to do marriage. But what if you didn't? What would be so terrible about just staying focused on the things you have in your life, and seeing what Allah brings to you on His own?

    Personally, I don't think it's a good idea that you are doing this "halal" dating outside of your parents knowing. It's one thing if they are aware of it and said it's ok because trying to find proposals for both you and your sister is too much. But I think it's something they would rather be involved in and would feel offended that you are leaving them out of. Not only that, but maybe they might actually succeed in finding you someone that you feel that spark with? The fact that you've had to reject everyone you've met with so far tells me that this method isn't amounting to much for you.

    So I suggest at least waiting until your parents get your sister settled. Enjoy your career and time with friends. Invest in your hobbies and whatever else interests you. When your sister is married off, then you can ask your parents to help you find someone for yourself...then see what comes along.

    -Amy Editor

  2. You can make duaa that Allah bless you with a good spouse, but that's about it. You'll meet the right person when the right time comes and Allah decrees it for you, not before then. As sister Amy said above, you shouldn't have yourself on a timeline or you may find yourself rushing into something you're not ready for and don't really want. You're really young anyway, and still have several more years before you might start to worry about marriage (and even then, you shouldn't worry because Allah is the planner and your fate is written for you already). Pray for a good husband and inshallah Allah will hear your prayer and grant your wish in the right time.

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