Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Really confused about this situation with interfering people?

Gossip and backbiting

Gossip and backbiting


i have been seeing a boy for a year now. We recently got engaged a few months ago. his family love me and mine love him. Everything was well subhanaAllah. However, in recent events people outside the relationship interfered.

This included in some of his old friends telling him lies about me to him and vice versa to me about him. We ignored it although he at first wouldn't believe me until he calmed down and apologised and said he should have. i recently made a new friend from anther friend. Her name is Hina* he did not mind her at first but later he told me not to associate with her as she is bad company. Since I became good friends and she didnt seem to me all so bad I didn't know how to go about it. I listened to him and cut down on contact or seeing her. I didn't want to tell her the truth and hurt her feelings. An event happened where she used my name in something and it caused problems between her best friend Sarah* and her husband Ali*. Ali is best friends with my fiancé. My fiancé came back to me and told me this is the kind of person Hina is. So I immediately stopped any contact with her and listened to him and left it.

2 weeks later, I needed to be somewhere my fiancé gave me a lift, however his friend His best friend Ali was in the car. I stayed quiet while they kept telling me about Hina and how she is a bad influence. I said nothing to worry about I have got rid of her. The next day, Hina's 'boyfriend' texts me. I told my fiancé straightaway and wondered where he got my number?! He told me ignore him. So I did. He kept texting my essays of how Hina is bad and the things she's been saying. I replied saying please don't text me again talk to my fiancé if there is a problem thank you. The next day he text again totally ignoring what I said telling me to forgive Hina. I ignored iT. Hina text me 5 minutes later swearing at me with abuse. I told my fiance and said this is childish I do not want to know. He told me to ignore her so I did. She kept texting and got me really angry so I replied. She then twisted my words and told Ali's wife I said things when I didnt. This caused an argument between Ali and his wife, which therefore caused an argument between Ali and my fiancé. My fiancé got really angry at me and broke off the whole relationship. Said he could not marry me because he thinks I would cause a problem in his home with his family since I would be living there

he was angry because he said if I ignored her none of this would have happened. I regret my mistaken in not listening to him but I honestly would not do that. This whole situation is pathetic and because of interfering people. He is still talking to me but I don't know if things will go back to the way it was. There has been times where we have argued and stopped being together but he has always come around. and it is the same thing happening now we are talking but not properly. He acts like he doesn't care yet he rings me here and there To see how I am doing.

I wish I had listened but my anger got the best of me. I have learnt for my lesson. I always listened to him I just made one mistake but according to him I've done  it 4 times which he could not explain either. he was exaggerating out of anger. I don't know whether to keep wishing and regretting what happened and hoping things will go back to normal or if this really is the end of it. I have prayed and hoped things will turn around. But I don't know what to do. Our families were really happy for us to get married. We were good being engaged and were really strong as a couple. He has said himself yesterday that it is rare to find a girl with qualities like mine to marry these days and he admires that I always ask and listen to him. his sisters and family have said themselves they don't think I would cause or be a problem in their family.

I know he might be angry because things are not the same between him and his best friend and is scared I won't listen when were married but I have learnt my mistake. I don't know which direction to take now. I cannot see myself with another man to be my husband except him and he has said the same about me because we were a good team. I think this was a test of our relationship I  am not sure. would it be advisable to do isthikara or salat al hajah? I know Allah knows best and things happen for a reason but I am not sure on what to do right now. I feel deep down owe will overcome this and get married but I am not sure of that's just what I want and thinking it is what's going to happeN.

Fatima Ali.

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5 Responses »

  1. salam alaikum sister,
    I will advice you to pray Isthikhara, only Allah can guide us through the right path. What we think is the best for us might not be, Allah knows best and making Him your decision maker will grant you an everlasting happiness. Your fiance might be the one and at d same time he might not be. pray hard, be patience and leave the rest for Allah.
    your sister Shaima

  2. Are u married to him?? If not then u are in a haraam relationship. You should be asking Allah for forgiveness and cut all ties with him. U cant ask Allah for guidance on something that is a sin and haraam in islam. Study islam sister and repent.

  3. Salams. He was my fiancé not boyfriend. And I'm asking for advice not a lecture on what has happened thank you

  4. Asalamu alikum ,

    Hello my dear sister. I kind of understand what is going on, but i dont in a way.

    But all i can say is, stay clear of people who cause you complications and talk about other people. Keep your life simple. Stay away from the girl and anyone who causes too much drama.

    As for the fiance, this is a good test for you guys. This situation is quite petty, this he said/ she said stuff. Life will give you challenges 1000 times that. If he doesnt want to marry you for this silly situation, then you know he is not the guy for you.

    You apologize and do your part, and then leave the rest to him.

    Have patience and trust that Allah has a plan and if you guys are meant to be, then you will make up in no time.

    Wish you all the best sister, and try your best to avoid drama makers.

  5. Asalamoalaikum sister,

    I was just reading your post while getting ready and I’m just about to head the door but I want to quickly reply to you first. Please ignore any typos since I am in a bit of a jiffy.

    To me this whole issue boils down to two things: (1) the lack of credibility of Hina and (2) trust. I think it would be safe to say that everyone knows Hina is not trustworthy and she likes creating drama. As a result, Ali should have not taken her words seriously nor should his wife, especially since he himself was suggesting you take caution from her. Anything that comes out of her mouth cannot be trusted on blindly. Hence, to me this all seems so childish. If she did say anything to his wife, you should have spoken to his wife as well and informed her of what actually happened. If she’s mature and has learnt from her previous experience (where Hina caused a fight between her husband and herself) she would likely trust you.

    Secondly, your fiancé breaking up with you over something like this is extremely childish and petty. If he was engaged to you and was intending to marry you then he should trust you. If his best friend told him what happened, all four of you (Ali and his wife, you and your fiancé) should have sat down and discussed the issue. I understand that your fiancé expected you to ignore her but I think it wasn’t right for him to keep telling you to ignore her regardless of her using profanity. I would expect my fiancé/husband to stand up for me there and tell the person off and then I’d change my phone number. He should also take accountability for his own actions.

    In all this, what is most alarming to me is the lack of trust your fiancé has for you. People will always try to interfere and create problems but if a couple’s foundation of trust is not sturdy enough, their relationship will never last. You need to sit down and speak with your fiancé regarding the more central issue here. He should know you enough by now to know that you’re not a drama queen and if he doesn’t then maybe you need re-evaluate if you are making the right decision by choosing him.

    -Helping Sister

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