Do we really need Bidai for our nikah to count?
My Name is Afreen. My age is 17 years and I live in Saudi Arabia. My parents found a life partner for me and planned to do Nikah in Madina Shareef. We did nikah in Madina shareef recently, 7 months before. My parents are strict about Bidai (grand ceremony) and my husband doesn't believe in such things and they are delaying bidaai for 3 to 4 years.
We are not living together, like we aren't married. He is like a ghair mahram to me, as my parents instructed. And my parents also said without bidaai after nikah in Islam we are not allowed (Haram) to stay together. Is it really true???
I want to know is bidaai the most important part of Islam?? Is it necessary to do a grand celebration (bidaai) after nikah and then only we can stay together?? Or after nikah we are officially married and should we believe in Bidaai??? After nikah without any celebration can we stay together?? Please help me, I am totally confused.
-Afreen
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As-salamu alaykum sister Afreen,
If your Nikah was a proper Islamic nikah, with at least two witnesses; you and the groom both giving consent (or your wali consenting on your behalf); and payment of the mahr or agreement upon the amount and time of payment; then you are married.
The man is your husband. Islamically you have the right to spend time with him, live with him, and have sexual relations with him.
I've never heard the term Bidaai before. I'm guessing this is the Waleemah? Basically a big party to celebrate the wedding?
The waleemah is a strong sunnah. It is highly recommended to have one. However, it does not have to be expensive or fancy, and there is no minumum number of guests. It can be a small affair at home, with only family and close friends, or it can be big, it's up to you. But the Sunnah is to be moderate and not wasteful. As Allah said in the Quran, "“And [they are] those who, when they spend, do so not excessively or sparingly but are ever, between that, [justly] moderate.” [Quran 25: 67]
The waleemah can take place anytime after the wedding contract (the nikah). It can be done before consummation of the marriage or after, though the Sunnah is to do it after.
The Sunnah is for the husband to give the waleemah, as it was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5155) and Muslim (1427) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf: “May Allah bless you. Give a waleemah even if it is with just one sheep.”
But the scholars have said that the expenses may be shared by the wife's family as well.
In short, the man is your husband, and if you wish to consummate the marriage first then have a modest waleemah, that is perfectly acceptable.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
HUNDRED % TRUE AGREED WITH BROTHER WALE,WHAT IS BIDAAL THIS TERM NOT SEEN BEFORE
IF THIS IS WALEMAH THEN THIS SHOULD BE DONE AFTER SHE SPEND FIRST NIGHT , I DONT UNDER STAND THE PARENTS ASKING BIDALL BEFORE SPENDING NIGHT WITH YOUR HUSBEND OR AFTER ?
Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh
Also, in Shariah, as per the hadith of the Prophet sallahualayhiwasalam, the rights of the husband over the wife are greater than the rights of the parents.
So if he wants to engage in sexual relations(which would be 100% halal in your case), he has the right to do so and you have no right to refuse.
Your husband is right not to believe that something that is sunnah only and not mandatory has to be done.
However, he absolutely should do it-tell him to hurry it up. It shouldn't be extravagent, but it should be done because it is sunnah and therefore there is a lot of good in it.
And your parents would be happy which is the best thing.
Assalaamualaikam
Your comment "and you have no right to refuse" concerned me - so far as I am aware, consent is needed for intercourse to be halal, and a woman (or man) always has the right to say no and have that respected.
Midnightmoon
IslamicAnswers.com editor
true
I have a question..!!! Is it compulsory to give valeema consummation... What if the bridegroom is still a student and wants to give waleema when he gets settled?? Is it acceptable?
It's not required to consummate the marriage right away. However, both spouses should be in agreement about this before the nikah.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
assalamalaikum LET US 1ST UNDERSTAND WHAT IS BIDAAI AND WHOSE TRADITION IT IS THEN COME TO CONCLUSION.....SEE THE ORIGINAL BIDAAI IN THIS VIDEO https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81UhsJ8DUIU
Cultural India : Weddings : Wedding Rituals : Vidai Ceremony
After the dream realizes,FOR MARRIAGE it's time for the bride to leave her house. This emerges out as the most painful moment of all.This is what the Indian wedding Vidai ceremony is all about.
In India,VIDAAI IS A POST WEDDING CEREMONY, which takes place after the wedding rituals are completed......
And then comes the 'Bidaai', the time for the bride to officially leave her place of birth, her home, her loved ones and go to a new home & life that awaits her. In a traditional Bidaai ceremony, the bride is taken to her home after the pheras & kanyadaan where she is accompanied by her close family and friends.
HINDU TRADITIONL MARRIAGE INCLUDES Wedding Traditions,Kanyadaan,Mangalsutra,Seven Vows,Solah Shringar,FINALLI VIDAIOR BIDAAI[HAND OVER TO THE GROOMS Wedding Barat.......
NOW LET US SEE WHAT OUR MALIK ALLAH THE GREATES HAS PROGRAMMED FOR US TO DO IF WE AND AND OUR PARENTS CLAIM TO BE MUSLIMS-Consummating the Marriage
To fulfill (a sexual desire or attraction) especially by intercourse.
To complete (a marriage) with the first act of sexual intercourse....
The bride's people incurring unnecessary expenses by holding a feast which has no basis in Shariáh. We should remember that Walimah is the feast arranged by the bridegroom after the marriage is consummated.
While 'consummate' can sometimes mean 'completion' (as in a business transaction), the Arabic word 'dakhala' carries no such meaning or connotation.
Furthermore, a fluent English speaker will never take 'consummate the marriage' to mean 'complete the marriage' or 'enter the marriage', but will always understand it to mean 'sexual intercourse.' It is the only possible way to understand this euphemism.
Dakhala-
Next, according to the narration in question, the relevant word used is not 'nikah', but 'udkhilath'.
The root of the verb "udkhilath" is "dakhala" - which means to "enter". This is the most common Arabic meaning, although there are other definitions - none of which can be used in this case, given the context of this hadith.
It is clear that the only meaning of dakhala applicable to the context of the hadith is 'sexual intercourse.'
The full definition of دخل (dakhala) :
insert, enter, thrust, admit, drive in, let in, show in, make or let enter...
Dictionary entries on Dakhala
An English definition for dakhala, which is commonly found on the Internet is as follows:
to enter, to pierce, to penetrate, to consummate the marriage, cohabit, sleep with a woman.
A HINDUS BIDAAI CEREMONY IS BASED ON TUMMY FULL OF THE GIRLS SIDE FOOD WHICH IS NOT THERE IN ISLAM-'A believer eats in one intestine (is satisfied with a little food), and a kafir (disbeliever) eats in seven intestines (eats much food)." [Sahih Bukhari]
NOW WE COME TO....The Wedding of Fatima (r)
When Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Ánha) reached the age of fifteen, proposals for her marriage began to come from high and responsible families. But the Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) remained irresponsive.
Ali (Radhiallaahu Ánhu), who was 21 at the time, says: It occurred to me that I should go and make a formal proposal, but then I thought, 'How could this be accomplished, for I possess nothing.' At last, encouraged by the Prophet's kindness, I went to him and expressed my intention to marry Faatima (Radhiyallaahu Anha). The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) was extremely pleased and asked, 'Áli! Do you possess anything to give her in Mahr?' I replied, 'Apart from a horse and an armour I possess nothing.'
The Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) said, 'A soldier must, of course, have his horse. Go and sell away your armour.'
So, Áli (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) went and sold his armour to Uthmaan (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) for 480 Dirham and presented it to Rasulullah (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam). Bilaal (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) was ordered by the Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) to bring some perfume and a few other things and Anas (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) was sent to call Abu Bakr, Uthmaan, Talhah, Zubayr with some companions from the Ansaar (Radhiallaahu Ánhum).
When these men arrived and had taken their seats, the Prophet (Sallallaahu Álayhi Wasallam) recited the Khutbah (sermon) of Nikaah and gave Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Ánha) in marriage to Áli (Radhiallaahu Ánhu). He announced, 'Bear you all witness that I have given my daughter Faatimah in marriage to Áli for 400 Mithqaal of silver and Áli has accepted.' He then raised his head and made Duá saying, 'O Allah, create love and harmony between these two. Bless them and bestow upon them good children.' after the Nikaah, dates were distributed.
When the time came for Faatimah (Radhiallaahu Ánha) to go to Áli's (Radhiallaahu Ánhu) house, she was sent without any clamour, hue and cry accompanied Umm Ayman (Radhiallaahu Ánhu).
HOPE YOU WILL SHOW THIS COPY TO YR PARENTS AND ASK THEM TO SAVE FROM THIS-INSTEAD OF BLESSING THERE IS CURSE IN THE BIDAAI OR VIDAAI-Observing the Customs of Non-Muslims (I)
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Are you observing a pagan custom! I was thinking of invoking such a curse upon you that your appearances might be deformed.” [Ibn Majah]
REGARDS
Bidai is a Hindi/Urdu word for seeing off. In other words, consummation of marriage.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor