Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Reasons for divorce which aren’t sinful.

Red button with divorce written on top.

Salam Aleykoum,

I was asking myself about a question that I had this morning about divorces. When the male or female want to divorce to her husband/wife, do they need "right" reasons to divorce?

Peer example: The husband( or wife)  is engaged with his/her partners for five years but he/she doesn't feel happy with her/him anymore ( it is a sentimental reason ) and wants to divorce. Can he/she do it without commit a sin? (I'm talking about sins, is that reason to divorce considered as a sin?)

If it is: What kind of reasons are correct to divorce?

Thanks and Salam,

Silver99

 

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24 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    IT IS NOT CLEAR FROM YR QUESTIONi-engaged OR MARRIED-THESE ARE 2 DIFFERENT THINGS-
    WHETHER YOU ARE PLANNING TO SIN OR PLANNING TO DO SOME SIN SUITABLE TO DIVORCE-

    The husband( or wife) is engaged with his/her partners for five years but he/she doesn't feel happy with her/him anymore THIS ALSO DOES NOT CLARIFY YR STAND OR WHAT IS GOING ON YR MIND-

    Silver99-
    THIS DOES NOT SAY YOU ARE A MALE OF FEMALE BECAUSE THESE THINGS COUNT TO PUT OUR HEAD TO YOUR QUESTION THEN THE RIGHT ANSWERS WILL COME FROM ALLAH-WITH HIS GUIDANCE YOU WILL BE GUIDED RIGHT-
    SO REPLY TO

    • Dear Ali Yusuf ,

      Can you please write in small letters ? Cap letter paragraphs are not so user friendly .

      Thanks,

    • Salam Ali,

      Sorry about that my post is not clear. I'm not native english speaker so i did some mistakes inside the text.

      I'm talking about someone who is married. ( since to be "engaged" is not married so sins are there" )..

      What i'm talking about is: What "reason" can people "use" to divorce (in both sides).
      In life, it happen that love or even affection desapear between wife and husband. It is from my point of view a good reason to divorce to our partners. There are no reason that husband or wife spend his/her life being sad in the relationship since divorce is authorized.

      The real question is: In the case that (per example) wife have still affection upon to the husband, but not him, can he divorce her because of "having no affection to her" or "no attraction" ( i'm not talking about sexual intercourse but simply about feelings even if anything special happened) .

      Salam,
      Silver99

      • Wa Alaikum Salaam Brother Silver99,

        When a wife loves her husband, and the husband does not love her, then it means there is a problem, and the right answer will depend on the cause of the problem.

        There are situations that could allow you to divorce your wife, but without much details, we cannot know what situation to talk about, because each situation might have its own possible advice and suggestions.

        For example:
        1- Why are you not loving your wife anymore?
        2- How did you get married?
        3- Why did you marry her if you knew you will not love her?
        4- Were you forced to marry her (like an arranged marriage)?
        5- Is she doing something wrong?

        Also, would you prefer a divorce rather than a peaceful reconciliation? I mean do you need help to love your wife again?

        • Salam Issah,

          I will try to answer to your answer ( my post is not real, i'm just taking informations about some questions i have in head and it was one of them. )

          1 - Sometime love and even affection desapear, it how going life.
          2 - In a normal way (licite), everything happened in the islamic way.
          3 - The man (or woman) didn't know that she/her will not love him/her anymore. They just got married because it is better to be married than single, specially nowadays, right?
          4 - There weren't forced to marry her/him.
          5 - Nothing special. She/ his doing everything correct but you just realized that she/his is not the person you want to be with until you die.

          "Reconciliation" is a wrong word in this context because everything is good inside the marriage, except that love and affection is gone. It can happen and i wanted to know if it was correct to divorce because of that (and my opinion was yes that it is correct) .

          Thanks for you answers,
          Salam
          Silver99

          • Wa Alaikum Salaam Brother Silver99,

            JazakAllahu Khair for answering all the questions I asked you.

            Honestly, I am very curious about why a man who hasn't tasted love yet, would be thinking of whether he would ever love a religious wife that loves him, and who hasn't done anything wrong to him nor to Allah!!! In fact, any man (who knows what it means for such a woman to love a man) will sacrifices all he has to hide such a woman deep inside his heart, and do everything he can to make her happy, so that she doesn't get upset or offended in some way, and then stop loving him.

            So what a man should be thinking is how he is going to do well in pleasing his future wife for Allah’s sake. He should be learning about true love in the light of Islam, and know how to keep his precious wife in the future, inshaAllah. This can be done by learning to build his level of taqwa and love for Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. Doing so will gain him real compassion in his heart, which will lead him to love everything (including his future wife) for the sake of Almighty Allah…

            Also, such a man should be learning much about how the Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam taught us to take care of women, and how he warned us about women (even in his last sermon when he stood on the day of ‘arafah).

            According to many references in the sunnah (hadiths), being nice and good to your wife is a condition for a complete iman. Divorcing an innocent wife who loves you, and who hasn’t done anything wrong to you nor to Allah, means that you lack the complete iman, and therefore Allah will also deprive you from the mercy that He Has prepared for complete believers...For example, the Prophet sallallahu ‘alaihi wasallam said the followings:

            "The most complete believer in faith is the best in morals, and the best among you (those who are best in morals) is the best to their women." [An authentic hadith, reported by Imam At-Tirmithi]

            “(O' Men) Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah…” (Muslim) “…Whoever breaks his pledge breaks it to his own loss. And whoever fulfills his covenant with Allah, He will grant him a great reward.” (Quran 48: 10)

            If there is no love and attraction (and the woman hasn't done anything wrong to you, plus she loves you) then, you need to at least have some compassion for her for Allah's sake, this could also build uo your love for her gradually, and you find yourself deeply in love with her, InshaAllah. Allah subhanahu wa ta'alah mentioned "love and "compassion' altogether at the same time, which means that there may be sometimes that the aspect of love could reduce and then you rebuild it up with the aspect of compassion.

            Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, "And of His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquility in them; and He planted love and compassion between you. In this are signs for people who reflect."(Quran 30: 21)

            Hope this helps inshaAllah, and Allah knows best.

  2. MR COOL
    i HAVE VISIBILITY PROBLEM SO I HAVE TAKEN PERMISSION FROM FORUM PEOPLE
    JUST BEAR OK
    OTHERWISE TO TYPE A LINE IT WILL TAKE 10 MINUTES WITH CORRECTING MISTAKES PARTICULARLY QURN AND HADEES I CANT TAKE THE RISK
    OK
    REGARDS

  3. ASSALAMALAIKUM]ITS GOOD U WANT TO KNOW BUT MY SINCERE ADVICE IS DONT LISTEN OR FOLLOW THE SECTARIAN REFERED ADVICE IN ANY MATTER OF DEEN-EXCEPT QURAN AND HADEES...
    http://islamqa.info/en/1859
    Khula’ means the separation of the wife in return for a payment; the husband takes the payment and lets his wife go, whether this payment is the mahr which he gave to her, or more or less than that.
    Praise be to Allaah.

    I put this question to our Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen, and he answered as follows:

    If a woman dislikes her husband’s treatment of her – for example, he is over-strict, hot-tempered or easily-provoked, or gets angry a lot, or criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming, then she has the right of khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

    If she dislikes his physical appearance because of some deformity or ugliness, or because one of his faculties is missing, she has the right of khula’.If he is lacking in religious commitment – for example, he doesn’t pray, or neglects to pray in jamaa’ah, or does not fast in Ramadaan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties where haraam things are done, such as fornication, drinking alcohol and listening to singing and musical instruments, etc. – she has the right of khula’.

    If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.

    If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’.

    And Allaah knows best.
    Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen
    POSITION OF KHULLAH IN ISLAM.......
    WHAT IS KHULA?

    IF A WOMAN DOES NOT LIKE HER HUSBAND OR THINK THEY CANNOT LIVE IN HARMONY,SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO GET SEPERATED[KHULLAH]BY PAYING BACK HER MEHER & GIFTS GIVEN TO HER AND GET HERSELF FREE FROM THE BOND OF MARRIAGE IT IS BETTER THAT WHATEVER THE HUSBAND HAS GIVEN TO HER HE SHOULD NOT TAKE BACK MORE THAN THAT ALLAH HAS SAID THAT IF YOU CANNOT LIVE IN HARMONY,BETTER YOU SHOULD GET SEPARATED BY TAKING BACK THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO YOUR WIFE[AL-BAQARA-229]

    WIFE OF SABIT BIN KHAIS CAME TO THE PROPHET[PBUH]AND SAID YA RASOOL ALLAH I FIND NO FAULT IN CHARACTER AND BEHAVIOUR OF MY HUSBAND,BUT I DONT LIKE HIM THEN THE PROPHET[PBUH]ASKED HER THAT WHAT SABITH HAS GIVEN TO YOU?
    SHE SAID A GARDEN THEN THE PROPHET ASKED ARE YOU WILLING TO RETURN THE GARDEN SHE SAID "YES

    A WIFE SHOULD NOT TAKE DECISION ALONE AND ASK HER HUSBAND FOR TALAQ SUCH AN ACT IS HARAM.EVEN THOUGH HER HUSBAND HAS GIVEN HER ALL THE FECILITIES AND DID NOT HARRAS HER THEN THE QUESTION OF SEPERATION SHOULD NOT ARISE [SUNNAH ABU DAWOOD 2226]

    IN SUCH CASES THE WIFE DEMANDS TALAQ FROM HER HUSBAND THOUGH HUSBAND HAS NOT HARASSED HER,IN THAT CASE THE PERFUME OF HEAVEN IS HARAM FOR THE WIFE....

    SO THINK TWICE AND ALSO CHANGE YR LIFE STYLE AS PER ISLAMIC LINE OF CONTROL MAKE EACH OTHER FOND AND COMPASSIONATE FOR THE SAKE OF ALLAH AS SATAN WANTS YOU TO DIVIDE AND ALLAH WANST YOU TO UNITE WHICH WAY WILL U CHOOSE AND WHAT IS THE LEFT OVER LIFE PERIOD-
    DONT GIVE TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE TO THIS.....

    HOPE YOU WILL TRY TO TAKE THE WAY OF ALLAH THAT IS AVOID BREAKING UP-
    REGARDS

  4. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    REASONS OF KHULLAH AS PER ISLAM WHICH ARE VALID-
    http://islamqa.info/en/1859
    Examples of acceptable reasons for asking one’s husband for khula’
    Is it possible for the wife to get a khula even if the husband will not agree to it?
    Can you mention some reasons ?.

    Praise be to Allaah.
    I put this question to our Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen, and he answered as follows:

    If a woman dislikes her husband’s treatment of her – for example, he is over-strict, hot-tempered or easily-provoked, or gets angry a lot, or criticizes her and rebukes her for the slightest mistake or shortcoming, then she has the right of khula’ [female-instigated divorce].

    If she dislikes his physical appearance because of some deformity or ugliness, or because one of his faculties is missing, she has the right of khula’.

    If he is lacking in religious commitment – for example, he doesn’t pray, or neglects to pray in jamaa’ah, or does not fast in Ramadaan without a proper excuse, or he goes to parties where haraam things are done, such as fornication, drinking alcohol and listening to singing and musical instruments, etc. – she has the right of khula’.

    If he deprives of her of her rights of spending on her maintenance, clothing and other essential needs, when he is able to provide these things, then she has the right to ask for khula’.

    If he does not give her her conjugal rights and thus keep her chaste because he is impotent (i.e. unable to have intercourse), or because he does not like her, or he prefers someone else, or he is unfair in the division of his time [i.e., among co-wives], then she has the right to ask for khula’.
    And Allaah knows best.
    Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Jibreen

    • Salam brother Ali,

      What about the reasons required for a husband to divorce his wife???

      • ASSALAMALAIKUM
        PLS CHECK IN THIS WEBSITE-
        REASONS OF KHULLAH AS PER ISLAM WHICH ARE VALID-
        http://islamqa.info/en/1859
        THIS ALSO-
        IF A WOMAN DOES NOT LIKE HER HUSBAND OR THINK THEY CANNOT LIVE IN HARMONY,SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO GET SEPERATED[KHULLAH]BY PAYING BACK HER MEHER & GIFTS GIVEN TO HER AND GET HERSELF FREE FROM THE BOND OF MARRIAGE IT IS BETTER THAT WHATEVER THE HUSBAND HAS GIVEN TO HER HE SHOULD NOT TAKE BACK MORE THAN THAT ALLAH HAS SAID THAT IF YOU CANNOT LIVE IN HARMONY,BETTER YOU SHOULD GET SEPARATED BY TAKING BACK THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO YOUR WIFE[AL-BAQARA-229]

        WIFE OF SABIT BIN KHAIS CAME TO THE PROPHET[PBUH]AND SAID YA RASOOL ALLAH I FIND NO FAULT IN CHARACTER AND BEHAVIOUR OF MY HUSBAND,BUT I DONT LIKE HIM THEN THE PROPHET[PBUH]ASKED HER THAT WHAT SABITH HAS GIVEN TO YOU?
        SHE SAID A GARDEN THEN THE PROPHET ASKED ARE YOU WILLING TO RETURN THE GARDEN SHE SAID "YES
        REGARDS-

      • Salaams,

        I could be wrong, but I always understood that since men have the right of talaq that he could divorce his wife for any reason. I know that sounds bad on the surface, but the idea is that a man with taqwa isn't going to divorce his wife frivolously. Women, on the other hand, don't have that same right and can only ransom themselves through khula. Because of that, the requirements are a little more specific and limited.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Salaam Amy,

          i heard the same years ago but i suppose that for "any reasons" is maybe too large to divorce a wife. I mean, i'm sure that there are some "conditions" to do it.
          Fake example: I'm married with my wife for 30 years and i just decide to divorce her, just to change. I mean this wife have got 30 years inside the relationship and have now 50 years old. I'm sure that It will be easier for the man to find someone else than the woman. There are probably "conditions" to do it in some context.

          Salam
          Silver99

          • Fake example:

            I'm married with my wife for 30 years and i just decide to divorce her, just to change. I mean this wife have got 30 years inside the relationship and have now 50 years old.

            If a man is thinking of divorcing a woman due to her age, then he married her for something else not for true love (Ages do not have any existence in the planet of true love).

            So the man really needs to think very carefully before going into marriage (he needs to learn about the purpose of marriage in Islam, by visiting an Islamic scholar for some counseling before he goes into marriage).

            Also he needs to think of the matter in different aspects. For example, how would he feel if another man came and married his own sister or daughter or his own mother and then after 30 years, he divorced her (because she turned 50 years old) and then went and marry someone else??? For me, I think I could chop off his head. What about you, brother?

        • Salam,

          Surely it can't be that the husband can just divorce his wife for no reason at all! It doesn't make sense and sounds very cruel. How can a man just wake up one morning and just decide to divorce his wife because he feels like it. How devastating this would be to the women and children involved. Then on the other hand women have to have major reasons for divorce. They can't just ask for khula for small reasons such as no attraction or compassion or love in the marriage. They just have to bear the brunt of an unhappy marriage.

          How can it be night and day difference between divorce with men and women. I have not seen anywhere in the quran which says that men can divorce women for no reason. But I have heard of many men who have married women and divorced them a couple of months later for no reason at all just because they felt like it. Men are surely abusing their right of divorce. And the poor women's lives are devastated in these cases! They are no longer virgin or marriageable through no fault of their own.

          But I have heard many times that divorce is the most hateful to Allah and shaytan tries to break up a marriage. So from that I gather that couples must work on their marriage and avoid divorce. They must try to reconcile and divorce must be the last resort.

          It is also a sin to cause harm and grief to someone. A husband divorcing his wife for no reason will cause her so much grief emotionally. So surely they must be held accountable for hurting someone.

          I am not sure I am assuming. We marry for Allah so how can a man just marry a women pay mahar and then play around with her, then divorce her? That's not a marriage that's a transaction. When you marry someone you marry to live with them untill you die.

    • Salam Ali,

      Thanks for you answer it was really instructive.

      Good luck
      Salam,
      Silver99

  5. Asa
    Please bear with me here I am at a verge of leaving Islam.
    I married with very honest intentions and true feelings and got divorced by my husband for saying he didn't like me and was not ready to marry although we remained in nikkah for 1 year before ruksati n he was good to me but divorced me in less than 3 months.
    I can't explain in words hw much I cried n pleaded him to give one reason that is Islamic for divorcing me I cried in front of his parents and in end his mother told me that long time ago my father rejected Her proposal.
    Now rejecting a proposal and divorcing is a big big difference.and my husband brought some Islamic material saying that a man can divorce wife if he no longer likes her.

    Now I tried to remarry but why Muslim man say they feel disgusting in marrying a divorce woman.
    What should this woman do? She is already hurt, socially isolated ppl saying bad things ant her what shd this woman do?

    Why has Islam made divorce and remarry so easy for man? Isn't this is injustice or Islam being manipulated hw can Allah do injustice or Islam is no longer in right form?

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. I realize this is a very difficult time for you, but you should not feel like your life is over. There are many men who will gladly marry a divorced woman if her faith and character are strong. You should consider it a blessing that at least you do not have children yet, as that would make the divorce an even greater burden.

      Islam allows divorce because there are times when couples are not compatible, or they grow in different directions, or something happens to disrupt the marriage irrevocably. You may feel that divorce is an injustice, and no doubt it is sometimes; but it would be a greater injustice if Allah had forbidden divorce. If divorce was forbidden, couples would have to stay together no matter what, even if they do not love each other, or if one is abusive, or if one commits adultery. There is wisdom behind everything that Allah Most High allows or prohibits, even if we do not always see it.

      If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post, thank you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. I also want divorce from my husband bcoz I don't like him.it was a forced marriage from my family & the dreams which my family showed me are nowhere.
    I always loved someone else from my childhood for 15 years now but he was out of caste
    We still love each other
    I have no courage to ask for divorce bcz my family will never support me like they did emotionaly blackmailed me then
    Its been 9months of my marraige & my husband lives in uk
    I detest him
    I overthink all day along & I hate him
    What should I do now???
    I want to marry with whom I always dreamt to marry but I don't know is it possible?
    I know there is nobody to support me
    My family might kill me
    Please someone help me

  7. Asa
    I loved a man years bk... he wanted to marry me and was very sincere... but due to family compulsions i could not marry him.... i left him and married a man of my family's choice.... i was in the marriage with all my heart but my husband left me n my baby for petty reasons... i tried hard to reconcile but he drove me away..... we separated... then the man who wantd to marry me came to me and said that he could not forget me all these years.... he is married but doesnt love his wife n never did n is not happy.... he wants to leave his wife and marry me..... i dont understand what to do.... i dont want to b a reason for his divorce.

    • Asiya, in my opinion it's a bad idea to marry this man. If he truly did not love his wife and was not happy, he would have divorced her already. He is only offering it now because he desires you. If he divorces his wife and marries you, and things turn sour, he will blame you by saying, "I left my wife for you."

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Assalamu alaikum
    many peoples are getting divorce but there were no possible reasons for divorce after marriage every husband and wife wants to understand each others and have to share every thing even a small thing then only they can live happily

  9. Assalamualaikum ..
    I am a married man with 3 kids. InshaAllah i have been providing all the basic with some secondary and tertiary needs for my wife and my kids. I have to admit that my wife is a good woman, in terms of committment to marriage, raising kids and taking care of our house and possesions. I love her physical appearance, until today. I like her simple attitude but there is something really hurts me.
    The biggest problem that we have is, eversince i married her, my silaturahim/relationship with my parents (different religion) have been very very limited. I had never return to my hometown, never for 15 (fifteen) years.. Going back and relocate to my hometown isnot an option, i have to make a living to fulfill my family needs. I used to only meet my parents when they had the chance to travel to attend family gathering (every other year) in different city in my country. And as a consequences, almost all my family hate my wife.. and i have to stand before her.
    I could not imagine how my father and mother feelings to have a son like me. And the day has come when my dad got cancer and finally he left us and returned to the Almighty. I felt so angry and sad upon his death (and sometimes still feel it), i just thought thas i should have divorced my wife long time ago, so i can be a good and responsible son towards my parents. Although i know, it is not only my wife to blame upon this disfunctional relationship. I understand that husband should be the person who can stood in the middle and brave enough to reconcile the issue, but believe me it has been very difficult due our different religion issue I do not want to teach my kids to have no feelings towards my family, .. they didnt cry or felt sad when my father passed away.
    When i said i want to divorce her, she asked for apology and promise me to be better. Not that i do not want to give her the chance to reconcile, but i can feel that she is not that sincere.. Why? Because probably she does not want to loose everything that we have (status, wealth, things), and she is clever enough to know that she does not have to do anything (or very minimum effort) for my mother. Why i said that? .. because we live far away from my mother. The maximum would be visit once a year, thats it. I think.. thats not right.. after what has been happening throughout this years.I need to see more efforts from my wife but she hide behind the location where we live and that we have to take care of our kids.
    I am really confused now .. if i divorce my wife, my kids would get hurt..but if not, i do not want to live in a family where the husband can only due very minimum to his mother. My wife only care about thismarriage and kids, thats it. To be honest, i have been very close to her family, and i had been hoping that she could learn from it, but now i lost hope. I dont want to hurt my wife and my kids .. but i dont want to be oppressed by knowing that i could not do so much for my mother.
    Please help me.. i do not see a valid reason to divorce my wife, but i could not stand to live like this.

    Pardon my english

  10. Whatever, whether a man or a woman, please realized that we are all human, human that only have ONE life.

    Love is Not and Never about right and wrong, justice or injustice. First, be justice and kind to yourself first. If you have to stuck with someone u don't love anymore for entire life, just because u too afraid of social judgement and being tagged as a bad person, then you are being completely injustice to your own life. Say sorry to yourself. And say sorry to them too, because you are afraid of telling them you stopped loving them and stucked in a relationship that has lost love, and stopped them from having a chance to found real love, wasting their entire life with u pretending and trying to care of Justice more than the real human feelings.

    They might be heart broken for little while when divorce first taken place. But cutting down the problem is the way to heal and move for the better. Not hiding and pretending that there isn't any issue. Example, you don't pretend like you are healthy if you found out of cancer growing in you. Just because you are afraid the surgery could hurt, u keep it in so that there wouldn't be any cuts that hurt u temporarily. Hence, consequences, u died coz u afraid of temporarily pain.

    Whatever, most stupid people ever on earth to act accordingly to social judgement than cross over and look at it in longer term in human life. We all been taught too much of being right or wrong in every thing we do ever since kids. But, dealing with human, in human relationship, as long as it isn't about harming someone physically but taking an issue with calm and peace talk, nothing is wrong or right.

    We human just need to sometimes think about ourselves than the society judgement. Are u truly happy? Else? End it, simple as it is. Appreciate your life, give yourself a chance to truly live and give the other person a chance to live too. Live happily and satisfaction life.

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