Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Recently got engaged

Engagement ring on finger

Assalamualaikum brothers and sisters,

I'm 27 years old woman, I've recently gotten engaged and its an arrange marriage. I'll be married soon InshaAllah this year.

I've never been in any relation before in my entire life, this is my first and probably last as I'm about to marry him. We've started communicating through phone and he's a good Muslim man, i really do like him. Just in few months I've grown to get annoyed by talking to him, I absolutely have no idea why. He's a good man, whose religious,who cares alot, and treats me right, is really polite, just what anyone would ever want but why do I feel this way? Is it normal ? I am really tensed, is it because I'm scared my life would change? Can anyone please tell me is this normal ? Should I stop worrying ? How do I stop getting annoyed? He's such a good man and I don't want to lose him. But I've started to act out, and he has noticed how drastically I changed. I used to get all excited while talking but now I don't!!

Not sure what I should do?


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16 Responses »

  1. Walikum salaaam
    Sister it is alright to feel that way, as we are human and making a big decision can be scary. Its a lifetime commentment. I advice you to do isthikara and let Allah guide you. If he is right for you surely Allah will gave you feeling or sign to help to proceed clearly. Even if he is a good man you cannot be sure if he is right for you. So plz do isthikara. Do the whole 7 days isthikara its better respond.

    Hope this helps

    • I did istikhara everyday when i got the proposal and since then everything went smoothly and i got engaged and my marriage date got fixed.
      I think i'm just scared, thanks for the advice though 🙂

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  3. I fee like the shaitan is getting into your halal relationship, idk if your read quran and namaz, if not, try doing that. Also evrrytime you get mad or annoyed read bismillah or remember Allah in any shape or form and shaitan will leave you alone inshAllah

    • Allah does not take shape or any form...this is major shirk....We must be aware that he is watching me at all times...No humanbeing can phanthom or comprehend the image of Allah..We know this from the story of Moses and our prophet Muhammad who went to visit Allah and between them was a veil of light, even the angel good not come there because his wings would burn up

    • Alhumdulilah i pray 5 times a day, and ive also done istikhara.
      And i think you are right, InshaAllah it will be halaal relationship in few months and shaitan is surely trying to break us. I limited our talks cause still its just an engagement not nikkah, i feel better 🙂

  4. I don't know why people give advice when they don't know the facts. It is not Halal to speak to a fiance without a mahram present. Until you are officially married you should not be speaking to each without a mahram. Now to those of us who have experienced marriage and the troubles people have in life, we know that the reason for this is because stuff could be said/exchanged that is only suitable for a husband and wife and then later you end up breaking off the engagement.

    Simple way to handle this and for anyone who is engaged or will be engaged. Do not communicate with your fiance before the wedding unless your mum/dad/elder brother/sister is present. Of course the conversation then will be respectable and not anything like what a husband and wife may speak about.

    If then you are still unhappy, then you know he is not a suitable partner for you. But I'm almost certain if you cut out the communication without mahrams present, you will soon change your tune and your marriage will prosper.

  5. Salam sister if you don't know your purpose in this world we have to learn the basics...ALLAH WANTS YOU TO BE BETTER AS MUSLIM ..THAT MEANS PRAYING 5 TIMES A DAY AND LOVING A BLESSED LIFE NOT A CURSED LIFE..

  6. Sister May Allah bless you

    First of all I was really happy hearing you never been to any haram relationship before marriage. Masha Allah. But you won't believe in the name of marriage shaytan put you into a haram relationship sister. Instead of saying it is haram to talk to your would be before Nikah is haram, let me out it in this way..
    Prophet (s.a) says "Real contentment is the contentment of the heart, If one is content in heart no calamities can make him depress.." hence no place or no celebrity or no strange man or no haram relationship can give the contentment of the heart. You're content in your heart since you never indulged in haram relationship but when u started taking to him which is haram, Allah removed that happiness from your heart. You feeling unhappy not bcs you have problem with him but you have problem with what you are doing. It's sign if the believer that he get disturbed whenever he indulge in haram.

    Hence sister, if you are happy with the guy just tell that I never spoke to any strange guy in my life and speaking to you before is somehow making me upset inside my heart but I love you and I want our conversation to be halal so let's do the nikah quickly. (You can express it in better way)

    Remember sister Son of Abdullah ibn Umar said DEPRESSION AND MISERY IN SYNONYMOUS TO THE SIINER

    Finally, don't go for the isthikhara bcs you already given your concent to the marriage. Allah is with you. After all isthikhara comes only before you take any decision. Insha Allah do the above and do five times of namaz and never forget to repent fir the sin, you will find that happiness back.

    This won't happen with normal people, bcs only fir pious people, when they commit sin their soul and body becomes depressed hence a women who is not pious will never understand or find this answer logical. Pray for me sister please.

    • brother, you are absolutely right. I agree with everything you have said.
      I have already done istikhara and everything went smoothly because of that. And you are right its because i never really talked to someone and i do feel guilty when i do, cause we havent done nikkah yet so we have limited our talks alot.

      • Sister I suggest strongly to read married life of Allahs nabi (s.a). Barakallahu Lakuma Va Baraka alakaikuma jama allahu bainakuma fi Kulli khairin va luthufin va aafiyath ba'da nikahahuma.

  7. salam,
    sorry ive been on this website for the past 2 days and i really dont know how to use this
    I've got a quick question, im stuck in a situations, this person wants to marry me, he asked for my hand a year ago exactly the hallal way but my family didnt accept him, so he waited a year for me to grow older, somehow we got in contact and the shaytan played with our minds and spoke for a few month behind my families back, i got caught and now my family is against it because of what we did and how the persons has a bad past and how he is. both of us love each other and want each other. but we dont know how to convince my parents to accept, well mostly its my older brother that doesn't accept because he knows everything about the persons past, but the persons repented a really long time ago and asked for forgiveness, alhamdillah i can see it in him that he really did change. i accept him his past and it doesnt bother me as long as he doesn't do it again and he repented Alhamdillah. please any comment will be really help full . im stuck and not knowing what to do and how to convince my brother to accept him, i really want to stop talking to the person and do the talking hallal between me and him.

  8. Sister go through this same post up in the order, you will find how write a new post and doing so you will get more guidelines that putting it on reply field. Refer the above query in the same from Aisha and response from the support team.

    However since I saw the post, if everyone would finally falls into the trap after 2-3 successful defence, then fir whom is the Jannah? Prophet said, for the one who lowers his gaze, Allah blesses him with the feeling of sweetness of imaan, for those who protect from zina for them is the shelter during the day of judgement. In every other occasion we want best among the slots but when it comes to Allah we are settling to the least. Son of Abdullah Ibn Umar said DEPRESSION AND MISERY IS SYNONYMOUS To The SINNER.

    Hence first stop the sin, repent for the sin. Be sincere in your repentance. Then perform the salah isthikhara after which talk to your brother, if he accepts thank Allah otherwise thats not meant for you. Remember that there will be no good or bad dream after isthikhara. Allah will give you the better through your brother. Don't think beyond if brother says no after your isthikhara bcs that means you're not happy with decision of Allah and you can't find happiness going against Allahs decree bcs Allah knows the better than you and your brother.

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