Recovered from drugs, but in-laws still treat me the same
In a tunnel.
Slm brothers and sisters
how are you women and men doing on this lovey day?
My name is Iqtidaar I am 19 years old I honest need some guidence please can some one inshallah help me
I am four months clean I was a drug addict but I found Allah again he came into my life an did save me from that dark rode I was living on.
I am married masha Allah, geting a baby boy soon my parents inlaw don't wanna forgive me beacause I am a drug addict but they nt even tryn to see that I am tryn my best to recover I know if my Allah is with me I will recover my father and mother in law never like me from the start now I just gave them reason not to like me I am a gud guy with a really good heart that's why my wife love me.
I won't lie it was wrong of me to do drugs but I came out of it and not one of them did even tryn to help me all they wanna do is just break mine and my wife's marriage up I mean I am human if all cud forgive me and bring me back onto his rode then why are they going on like that. Every time I try to phone them just to say maaf.
Atleast I am making an effort to better my life but they don't see their kids wrong I dont have a dad I have to pull myself thru all my hard times and it hnstly hurts me to know what they tryn to do.
I beg if there is some 1 out there that feels my pain, can you plz help me and give me advice?
Please!!!
Jazakallah for every thing. Armeen salam
- Iqtidaar
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Salaams,
Alhamdullilah that you are working to overcome your addiction. I know this is a very difficult thing to do, and it's fantastic that you've maintained sobriety for four months. Keep up your focus and insha'Allah your time of being sober will turn into years, and eventually a lifetime.
The truth is, drug addiction is a tremendously hard thing to overcome. Unfortunately, many who struggle with addiction relapse at various points in time, even if they have been sober for a while. I think it's reasonable for your in-laws to be wary before they embrace your progress at this stage. Considering that you are just starting your new journey as a sober man, they are probably feeling scared that something might come along and cause you to relapse, which would hurt their daugther and new grandbaby. Sometimes when we make poor decisions, and earn a certain type of reputation for ourselves, it takes some extensive time of showing consistently changed behaviors to earn the trust of those around us back.
There's not going to be a magic wand to make them understand your intentions and your true goals right away, but don't let that discourage you from sticking to your aspirations and maintaining your sobriety day by day. Do the best you can to be a responsible husband, a devoted father, and a sincere Muslim. Eventually insha'Allah, they will see the real you, and begin to let their reservations blossom into acceptance. You can't reach decades of sobriety except by making the right decisions one day at a time, and that's also the way to mend any broken relationships with your family.
Since you are trying to deal with all of this on your own and without much family support, I strongly suggest you find a sponsor who can encourage you and mentor you as you continue your journey. It would be preferable to find someone who has many years of sobriety under their belt, who is also a little older than you and can serve as a "father figure" of sorts. He may also have some good advice and tips on how you can rebuild your connection to your loved ones, because families losing trust in the one who had the addiction, and distancing themselves from that person, is actually very common.
Be patient, brother. With continued steps of obedience and investing in your new family, you will see things change in your life for the better insha'Allah.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Brother Iqtidaar, As-salamu alaykum,
I have a few thoughts in my mind, so let me number them so I can express myself clearly.
1. Congratulations on getting off of drugs! That's wonderful, ma-sha-Allah. As sister Amy said, join an AA or NA group and get a sponsor who can mentor you and help you stay clean.
2. Give your in-laws time. Maybe they are suspicious and fear that you might relapse, maybe they don't believe you... Insha'Allah as the years go by and they see that you are reformed, their attitudes will change. It won't happen overnight.
3. You are very young to be married and have a child. Did you marry your wife with her parents' permission? Was everything done in a halal and above-board way? I'm not asking you to tell me your sins (if any), I'm just saying that if your marriage did not start out completely halal and approved, then maybe that's the cause of your in-laws resentment and disapproval.
4. Let's take the worst-case scenario. Let's say your in-laws never trust you or approve of you. What then? You will still have to live your life, be a good husband, a good father, a good Muslim, and find value in yourself. Don't let your sense of self-worth be held hostage by someone else. Find your value with Allah, as a Muslim and Mu'min, and as a hard working family man. Let your in-laws be who they are, and you be who you are. Know that Allah sees and appreciates your struggles, even if your in-laws do not.
Wael
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Salaam, you Must know that in Islam All sins ARE forgiven as long as we return to Allah while living as after death there is not turning back and Qur'an and Sahih Ahadith [Bukhari, Muslim] you'll find that answer
and about age for marriage, sorry but I disagree with brother above as in Islam, soon as one reaches puberty, they're considered adult as they'll face their reward or punishment aftermath of end of life...