Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Recovering from porn addiction

Man staring at computer

Salaam,
I am a brother in need of advice. I am thinking about starting to look for marriage prospects, but I am worried about myself. I have been through a lot.

I practice Islam, but sadly, I have had times of depression, suicidal thoughts, self-hatred, and academic failures. All of it was because of pornography addiction. No one knew about my nightmare and it lasted years.

I struggled for years, sometimes stopping the sins for a few weeks, but always relapsing. A few months ago, Allah helped me and things started changing. I made some drastic changes and have managed to stop the addiction for about 5 months. I owe Allah everything for saving my life.

Everyone talks about marriage being the solution to this addiction. I would like to get married, but I really am worried about whether I am ready to get married. I hate the sins so much, but I am worried since stress can trigger addictions again. Living in Europe there's still temptation and marriage has a lot of stress and responsibility. I really, really, really do not want to hurt another person with my addiction, or myself all over again. Honestly, it scares me and hurts me to even think about it.

How does someone know if they are ready to get married after recovering from an addiction? How long should I wait? I know confidence is important, but how can someone be confident after an addiction? How much do I tell the other person my mental health? I pray Allah helps me stay strong and guides me to the right decision.

-hopingforforgiveness


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9 Responses »

  1. Assalamualikum
    I am salman frm india (bangalore)
    Islam has solution to all human problems
    First and formost
    We as a believer ,should always ask Allah to save ourself frm the evil hands of shaitan(eblis)
    Wenever we humans r in evil behaviour the root cause is eblis (as we all knoe that eblis has taken time till judgement day frm Allah to distruct humans always to the wrong path )
    So the first step is that u always pray to Allah to seek refuge frm shaitan and his works
    Secondly make your will power strOng (off course with the help of Allah )
    Third step but not the last is to make your mind busy with other works rather than making it destract u to fall again i .e wheneve u feel depressed listen or read surah ad dua ( this was the surah revealed to prophet mohammed {swt}wen he was depressed)
    Rather than taking your tab or mobile to search the evil illusionary world which may make u feel satisfied but in reality u r stepping yourself closer to hell
    And finally your friend circle should be good if it isn't then tell them good bye because in most of the cases these friend circle is a path of following foothstep of shaitan
    Do remember your best friend is always Allah
    Who has bestowed u with consciousness
    And moreover untill and unless u yourself dont search for porn in your phone or wat ever device
    Nobody can force u soo make your self strong and keep trust in Allah and have fear and remember that today or tommorrow u and all r going to face Allah

    ALLAH knows the best Alhamdulillah

    May Allah guide me and all to the right path

    Allah Hafiz

  2. I will share my story here.

    By Allah, I cannot think of any sin that is more destructive to the spirituality than pornography. It simply takes out from our humanity.

    Marriage can be a solution to this problem. If someone remains single, can he actually overcome it? I do not say I am addicted, but I fall for it from time to time. Allah is my witness. He knows how much I have cried for committing this horrible sin. I have memorized many juz of Quran. I have made lots of dua. I have prayed the night prayers. I have fasted. Still sometimes, I fall into this filth.

    The trigger point for me is depression and lack of human touch in my life. It is not sex that I crave. I work very hard, almost 11 hours every day. I come home tired and I yearn for hug and human touch. But being unmarried I do not have any outlet. And then I see skimpy dressed women outside, which only fuels my craving for touch.

    But the moment you bite this filth, you understand that this filth will never fulfill the need of a humane relationship. You humiliate yourself before Allah, your religion, your own self, your mother, your family, and such horrible feelings of hypocrisy, shamelessness, guilt, ungratefulness shatter your faith, confidence, self-esteem, and everything. But thanks to Allah for the exit opportunity through repentance.

    I am 26 and will become 27 soon. Allah has blessed me with wealth. My family is looking for a bride, but they look for a girl with so many conditions, I am not sure when they will be successful.

    Is there any cure for obsessive thinking about things like how my life would be when I will have a wife? I try dhikr and many other things but I have been unable to steer away my thought process from these happily ever after dreams, which ultimately leads to filth.

    • Dear brother, your words shake me. What can we do but ask Allah. There is no one else who can help. Ya Allah, Ya arham ar-rahimeen. There is no one on the face of the earth who can help us. Not a single person. Only you, oh Allah. Please Ya Allah. Make the Quran our cure. Help us read your Quran in secret everyday. Everyday. When no one is looking. And weep in hope for your mercy and forgiveness.

  3. Read very very carefully,
    Brother! take the following steps immediately,

    1. Get married if you can.
    2. Do fast if you can't marry. If you can't fast move to the other points as below.
    3. Worried about watching porn. Or worried about watching it again. Or worried about falling in the obsession of watching it again. Worried still? Yes you are. Require solution. Move forward to point 4.
    4. Who are you? Who made you? What are you made up of? Where did you come from?
    5. Brother ever thought about point no.4. Never! Correct!
    6. Brother Oh! Brother! My dear brother in Islam! Welcome to Islam. This is you, yes "YOU". YOU CAME HERE IN THIS WORLD ALONE. YOU WERE NOTHING AND ALLAAH (SUBHANUHU WA TA'ALA) CREATED YOU FROM A SEMEN. A DIRTY WATER. THEN YOUR FLESH AND BONES ALLAAH (SUBHANUHU WA TA' ALA) MADE. NOW YOU ARE A MAN.
    7. STOP FOOLING YOURSELF AND BE A MAN!
    8. STOP FOOLING YOURSELF AND BE A MAN!
    9. STOP FOOLING YOURSLEF AND BE A MAN!
    10. ALLAAH (SUBHANUHU WA TA'ALA) WANTS TO TEST YOU. COME TO ISLAM.
    11. FORGET THE devil (cursed). the cursed devil will betray you always. Always the devil will promise you for watching porn. Will tell you how good the porn movies are. WILL YOU WANT TO BE A FOOL?
    12. OH! BROTHER! OH! BROTHER! BELIEVE IN ALLAAH (SUBHANUHU WA TA'ALA) AND WAIT FOR THE HEAVEN. IT IS MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU WANT NOW.
    13. COME TO ISLAM WHOLE HEARTEDLY OH BROTHER!

    ALLAAH KNOWS THE BEST!

  4. Salam ,

    Congrats for your first success as you you were able to stop this bad habit for 5 months .
    I suggest you to wait for some more time ..Read lot of namaz ,Zikr and Duas for longer period of time .
    You need to get involved in good activities and keep your self busy ..
    I am sure you your self will realize some day that you are fit for marriage ...........
    If you sincerely repent it and never do this haram act again then Allah will forgive it and will make your life easy .

    Allah hafiz

  5. Asalamoalaikum brother,

    I would like to commend you for not only realizing the gravity of your sin but working hard towards getting rid of it as well. May Allah swt keep you steadfast in your intentions, ameen.

    I am a strong believer that in today’s hyper sexualized society if one can afford to get married sooner they should. With the same token however, many brothers and sisters assume that marriage will eliminate all their temptations. This is far from the truth. Your spouse may help alleviate some of your sexual tension but the fitnah outside still exists and will continue to. A man’s greatest temptation is a woman so do not expect for this desire to suddenly disappear, especially when you see women dressed in such provocative ways in the summer time. You may have to struggle with your nafs throughout your life but there are ways to curb this desire and satisfy yourself through halal means (i.e., through your relationship with your spouse).

    The biggest way to control your temptations is to fear Allah swt. You have to understand the gravity of this sin and protect your heart from filth and fitnah. Understand the damage this does to you physically, emotionally and spiritually. Not only does it leave you feeling unfulfilled most of the time, it takes you away from Allah swt as well. Make sure you keep your connection with Him through regular worship (i.e., offering salat, reciting the Quran, listening to Islamic lectures, etc) . When you offer salat, it is your opportunity to reflect on what you have done throughout the day and to remind yourself when you are falling off track. Also, make continuous duaa to Him to protect your heart and soul from the filth in society. This will be your greatest weapon against shaitaan.

    Secondly, continually exposing yourself to explicit things (e.g., pornography, staring at women dressed provocatively, etc) will take away the shame in your eyes and heart. Learn to lower your gaze and interact with women only when absolutely necessary. While surfing on the internet if something inappropriate pops up, close the screen or reduce the size of your screen so you cannot see that pop up. Be aware that shaitaan will continuously attack you in an attempt to make you fall off track. Try to avoid websites that you know have filthy pop ups. Spend most of your time around people such as your family, pious friends, etc. This way you do not have free time on your hands that will lead you to boredom and eventually surfing inappropriate things. Keeping yourself busy at this age is paramount.

    Lastly, once you are married, it is best if you ask your wife to dress up for you in ways that you find appealing (as long as you do not degrade her through this process) and enjoy her through halal means so you do not feel the need to look at other women dressed in provocative clothing.

    Always remember that every person has their own struggles and the beauty of women might be yours. But be assured that there comes a huge reward in this duniya and akhirat if you protect yourself for the sake of Allah swt. Surely no goodness can come through disobeying our Creator and if you choose to deviate from the right path you are ultimately harming your own soul.

    -Helping Sister

  6. asalam alikum wr wb
    my advice would be ......get married but get married if your heart is pure you cant do things that will affect ur wife and incase you have children later in lyf ,you dont want to give a bad impression to your kids or anything lyk that, just ask for help from Allah and your prayers will be answered. don't forget that the third person will always get the chance to destroy ur relationship best to stay away from them.
    best luck to you
    May Allah guide you

    salam

  7. Salaam aleykoum brother,

    I generally don't partipate on that kind of posts but i really wanted to say first of all that it is really good that you stop porn for 5 months while we know how much it is hard to do stop it... Specially in Europe but it is possible.
    I'm French living in Paris, and a man, so i totally understand you.

    If i can give you an advice: Get married if you have the possibility to. Cannot say more than that. And try to be really just with your future wife brother. After all "They are your garments and ye are their garments."

    Allah knows the best,
    Good luck brother,
    Salam,
    Silver99

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