Islamic marriage advice and family advice

They refuse to let her marry me because I’m diabetic


As-Salaam Alaikum,

I really need some advice on an issue regarding a rishta. I was introduced to a girl through my family. My parents and I went to the girl's house to meet her and her parents. We talked amongst each other getting to know each other, and things were positive. Her family liked me and my parents liked her, and both I and the girl got along very well.

The parents agreed that we could exchange phone numbers so myself and the girl could get to know each other some more. We spoke for a week or so, and then we agreed to meet up as long as someone from her family would accompany her, which I thought was the right way to go about it. The girl and I got along so well and we felt very compatible and believed that we could be husband and wife. er side was happy for her to meet me and talk to her on the phone, but they kept on saying we needed to give it a few more months, and kept on prolonging any decision they wanted to make.

The time came where things were looking to go ahead, and I thought that I needed to tell her something about myself and that is that I'm diabetic. I told her this and she was fine about it. I explained everything to her about my condition, and she accepted that and told me that this doesn't change her view of me. She said, "you are a good, caring, well-mannered guy; and you having diabetes doesn't change my view and how I feel about you".

A few months had passed when I told her about my condition. She then told her parents the next day, and they called off our possible marriage just down to the fact I am diabetic. They judged me on my condition and not on my character. This really shocked me and my family. We just couldn't believe how they reacted. There's nothing I can do about me being diabetic; it's as Allah wills and alhamdulillah I keep good control of it and I'm healthy (I'm in my late 20s).

I just can't believe her parents have judged me on my condition and not who I am. Without talking to their own daughter to see if she is okay with it, they call my family without even telling her and say it's a no for me to marry her. She was so upset and called me saying this is not what she wants. She is happy to be with me. Her family thinks I will be a burden on her for the rest of her life, but she accepts me for who I am and said that when I told her about my condition it made her realise how much she really does care about me and wants to be with me.

Her family would say to me "you are like a son to us", but when they found out about my condition they totally changed. They have made me feel so under-valued just because of my diabetes. I really want to be with this girl and she wants to be with me. She would call me upset that her family will not let it happen, and they will not listen to her that she is happy to marry me. We met the right way, and both families have met, we got along and everything has totally changed. They do not see her happiness with me, and they have stopped her from contacting me and use a lot of emotional blackmail on her.

Not one person in her family is on her side. We were so happy together that we felt yes, we would get married. She still wants to get married to me, but not one person in her family will allow it due to my diabetes. She also said she will not see any other rishta because she is happy to be with me, but her family said "fine, don't look at any other rishta..just stay at home with us and not get married".

I'm not a bad person. I've respected her family so much, now they don't want anything to do with me being with her. Before they told her to stop calling me, she would cry saying, "why won't my family listen to me and let me be with you? We have gone about this the right way, now they think you are wrong for me and they will not let me speak or ask me how I feel".

I just do not know what to do. We both like each other a lot and believe we can have a good life together. They have now taken all types of communication off her so she can't contact me. Is there any brother or sister that has advice for me to help this situation? Is her family right to react this way? Can I not be happy with the girl I have met the right way just because I am a diabetic? Are they right to think because I am diabetic that I cannot get married to their daughter and inshallah start a family?
They are putting her through so much grief when we both have not done anything wrong.

Can I ask anyone who is islamically knowledgable to speak to her family if what they are doing is wrong, and who would I ask?

-Mohammad 23

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6 Responses »

  1. بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
    الحمد لله رب العالمين
    السلام عليكم و رحمت الله

    This would be an excellent manner and place for every Muslim believing in Allah and the Last Day to get together: medical doctors and both Families. The girl sounds innocent and Virginia and inSHA ALLAH you are the love of her heart. A girl has only one love. Diabetes II and Diabetes I are curable by prolonged treatment under the auspices of QurAn and living the Sunnah of Muhammad graduated to modern life. That included eating dates ajwa fresh and dry drinking only fresh (milk not plasticized i..e. Not Homogenized) and water fasting. You will need medical doctors and a commitment from and to family who value life the only living is in Islam more than degrees and Pharaohs black Sorcery and dark sciences.

    Allah has sent down a healing for every disease. That healing isn't the pharmaceutical cures of PharAohs people and their organ transplants. The healing is the QurAn and applied Sunnah. Breaking through generations of wrong living harmful lifestyles. I have succeeded with one of the worst cases of diabetes II and know that pan crease stores of insulin can be made by NonUsurious living and plenty of fresh fruit. Fed to Adam Maryam Ibrahim's prayer at Kaaba. This hardship of marriage is but a desire from Allah to draw you near to Him in all tenderness and purity. Allah is Pure and only accepted the pure. Purity = NonUsurious in food and money.

    God Allah grant you success.
    و الحمدلله رب العالمين

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    With regards your condition, you are right that Alhamdulillah diabetes can be managed well with medicine and Islam. It may be that the girl's family do not know much about diabetes, so do not realise what the condition involves and how it is managed - possibly your parents could provide them with information about the condition, so that they can learn and inshaAllah realise that it is not a barrier to a happy and healthy life.

    Her parents may also be concerned about the length of time it took for (what they see as) an important issue to be raised, and may be concerned whether or not there are any other things that they do not know. Again, your parents could inshaAllah discuss with them about this and ensure that communications are open and full.

    I think one of the major contributing factors to the emotional distress you are feeling may be the length of time and intimacy of contact between you and the girl - if her family had declined the proposal after a few meetings between both families, you might well be offended and hurt, but the fact that you and she have had private meetings and time to develop feelings of affection towards each other may mean that you feel worse about how her parents have reacted. So, in the future it would be wise to ensure all contact is within Islamic limits (eg. no private communication), to avoid unnecessary delays or heartache.

    May Allah guide you to what is best for you in this life and the next, and help you to remain in good health.

    Midnightmoon editor

  3. Assalam alaikum,

    It would have been best to disclose this information in perhaps the 2nd or 3rd meeting--however, I don't agree that they should have cut off the relationship like that.

    I suggest that your father speaks to her father about this matter and share with them how Diabetes can be managed and that those with Diabetes can live perfectly healthy lives.

    The other thing that comes to mind is to share this with the local Imam and ask his opinion--perhaps he can speak to the father.

    After those two attempts, I would not suggest pursuing this girl because you do have to respect the family's decision even if it is made out of ignorance.

    I agree with Sister Midnightmoon regarding keeping distance in marriage proposals before marriage.

    May Allah ease your difficulties, Ameen.

  4. The problem was you prolonging the decision to tell the family about your diabetes. Had you your family shared this with the family before hand, you would have never gotten hurt by getting involved for months since the proposal would have concluded right after the first meeting. Never hide or prolong telling anyone about your diabetes. Infact while your parents talk to any girls parents for the first time and share your profile , inform them of your diabetes. If it would be acceptable to the family they will give you the green signal to visit the house. Diabetes is a situation which would be acceptable to a minute percentage of families since they would want the best foe their daughters.. And a person with diabetes will be something lest than best. I know its a tough situation. I honestly don't know of any one in my social circle who was able to settle down with diabetes as families do not accept this.. Its unfortunate though true. Its been a while since the post so would live to know the marriage update and if you found someone.

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