Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Regular wet dream about my mother and touching her

"I seek refuge with Allah from satan the accursed"

"I seek refuge with Allah from satan the accursed"

 

HI,

I am a teenage boy aged 21. I used to have wet dreams once every 2 months previously, but now it has increased to 2-3 times every week- and every time I dream about my own mother. I admit that I am responsible for that.

My father died about a year ago. After the Iddah period my mom (who is 43 years old) married one of our family friends who is about 55. Me and my other family members (my brother aged 8 and grand parents) were against the marriage as my new father was not a good person. After the marriage, my mom became pregnant with his child. The doctor said that since she has a chance of pregnancy complications due to her age, she needed complete bed rest. So I had to take the responsibilty of taking care of my pregnant mother. My new father does not stay with us, but he comes every weekend.

At first everything was alright, but within 1 month my mom became seriously ill and my responsibility increased. Since then I had to take her to the toilet and wait until she finished. I had to help her take a bath, and change her sanitary pads and clothes etc. All of these were new to me. Since then I started to watch porn and learned about incest. Also, whenever my step father used to come, he had sex with my mother and I used to watch them while keeping myself hidden. My stepfather used to have rough sex and used very bad language which my mother used to like. I didn't like that at all.

All of these had a bad impression on me, and one night when my mom was on sleeping pills I did something wrong with my mom that she still doesn't know about. At that time she was 5 months pregnant, but I didn't have sex with her. The next day I repented a lot and promised not to do anything like that again. Since then I have lost my sleep, and I am having the wet dreams. Whenever I work with my mom, I have a thirst for her naked body and genitals. I have started to masturbate a lot more as well.

-tain problem

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14 Responses »

  1. ASSALAMALAIKUM
    NO WORDS ARE COMING TO MIND TO EXPRESS THE ANSWER
    BUT TO MAKE YOU KNOW THAT THE HEINOUS CRIME YOU ARE FALLING INTO
    I WENT TO SEE THE ACTUAL MEANING THE WORD-HEINOUS-
    wicked, evil, atrocious, monstrous, disgraceful, abominable, detestable, contemptible, reprehensible, despicable, horrible, horrific, horrifying, terrible, awful, abhorrent, loathsome, outrageous, shocking, shameful, hateful, hideous, unspeakable, unpardonable, unforgivable, inexcusable, execrable, ghastly, iniquitous, villainous, nefarious-

    YOUR BEST REMEDY IS IN GOING AWAY SOMEWHERE FAR FOR WORK OR SOME JOB REASON AND ONLY COME ONCE IN 6 MONTHS TO SEE THE FAMILY-

    AND ALSO GET TO KNOW SOME RELATIVES AND FIX A GIRL FOR MARRIAGE SO THAT YOUR MIND DIVERTS TO HER THAN YR MOTHER-
    SEEING THE SITUATION IT LOOKS THE PUNISHMENTS ARE VERY VERY UNIMAGINABLE IF CONTINUED IN THE SAME HOUSE-MAY BE DUE TO DISTANCING YOU MIGHT GET PARDON FROM ALLAH IF THAT IS GENUINE REPENTANCE-
    REST OTHERS CAN ANSWER THIS IS WHAT I FEEL
    REGARDS

    • Assalaamualaikam

      I would be concerned that marriage before the poster's issues are addressed could put another woman at risk. Maybe it would be better for marriage to wait until after he has sought help and offered sincere repentance? Otherwise a girl could be marrying into an extremely disturbing situation.

      May Allah protect us all from such thoughts and deeds.

      Midnightmoon
      IslamicAnswers.com editor

      • ASSALAMALAIKUM
        YES DEAR MIDNIGHT MOON IT CAN WAIT BUT AS OF NOW JUST FIXING IS NOT HARMFUL HE NEEDS TO HAVE A FEMALE PARTNER IN THE OFFING AS EARLIEST AS POSSIBLE TO COME OUT OF THIS MESS IT IS -THE DIVERSION REALLY WORKS AND AT THIS JUNCTURE AS THIS IS A MATTER OF JAWANI [YOUTH]AND THIS IS SHEER MADNESS AND IT GETS WORSE-IF WE DONT FIX AN OPPOSITION-TO SUBSIDE THE EXISTING FIRE WE CAN CALL IT HELL FIRE-

        WE HAVE DONE THIS IN MANY PLACES ONE CASE WHERE STEP MOTHER WAS INVOLVED AND I ARRANGED A GIRL FOR MARRIAGE AND THE BOY BECAME BETTER AND MOVED TOWARDS THE NEW ROUTE AND MARRIED AFTER 1 OR 2 YEARS BUT STEP MOTHER BECAME FURIOUS ON ME FOR DOING THIS DIVERSION & CASE GOT SOLVED AND TODAY HE HAS 3/4 CHILDREN AND LIVING HAPPILY AND SAYS THAT THE STEP TAKEN BY ME SAVED HIM FROM THE CONTINUING WITH HIS STEP MOTHER-
        REGARDS

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    What you've written is very concerning - this is a dark path you have started down, and you need to stop yourself before you go any further.

    Shaitan preys upon our vulnerabilities and can whisper wicked suggestions, but cannot compel us to act. On the Day of Judgement we will stand alone to account for our actions in this life, and will not be able to excuse ourselves by saying "shaitan made me do it". Allah gave us free will. You can stop yourself from acting in this way.

    The first thing you need to do is protect your mother. She is vulnerable and depending on you to protect her - don't betray her by continuing with your actions. I would strongly recommend arranging for a female carer or nurse to come in and attend to her personal care needs - it's not really appropriate for a male to be changing sanitary towels and cleaning a female relative's private parts unless there is absolutely no alternative. If you live in the UK or another country with a national social care system, you should be able to get carers for your mother without having to pay much, or in some cases without any cost to you, so there shouldn't be a barrier to that. Failing that, you could arrange for a female relative to help her. But if you are having lustful thoughts about her, you shouldn't be involved in her personal care at all.

    If you can, I would strongly recommend seeking professional psychological help to deal with these intrusive thoughts and images, and to stop you from acting on them ever again. Ask your GP or family doctor to refer you to a psychological specialist - you don't even need to say what it's about other than to say you are having distressing thoughts that are interfering with your life and your ability to care for your mother.

    If possible, make sure you aren't alone with your mother or in the house alone with her - maybe ask a female relative to stay over when your step-father isn't there. If someone else is in the house, that will help prevent you from acting on your thoughts. You may even wish to consider moving out, if you cannot control yourself. Your mother should be able to be safe in her own home, and that may require you to move out for a short period until you overcome your problems.

    You describe yourself as a teenage boy aged 21. 21 isn't teenage - at 21 you are a man, and have the responsibilities and abilities that go along with that. You have already recognised that what you are doing is wrong, so take the next step and take action to stop these things. Don't spy on your mother and step-father; their intimate lives together are their own private business - how would you like it if someone were to spy on you during a private moment? Stay away from porn, sexually explicit movies/books/etc, and from people who encourage or participate in unIslamic activities. As well as taking action in your daily life, look to improve your spiritual health as well; work to make sure shaitan has no foothold in your life. Make sure you're praying regularly, reading Quran, following Islamic principles, and observing appropriate limits in your interactions with women. And repent. Touching a woman, any woman, in a sexual way without her consent is sexual assault, which is a sin - you need to repent for this and take steps to rectify the wrongs.

    May Allah guide you back to the straight path, and may He protect your mother and grant her comfort and safe recovery.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. U sound sick in the head mate

    • sophia- what a comprehensive and helpful reply you have given!
      if you cant say anything helpful -then best is to shut up.
      This brother is here because he is seeking help and understands that what he is doing is very wrong.

      midnight moon has already said what i was thinking as well.

      I do find that you are dealing with a lot. you do understand what you are doing is wrong, so here is the start.
      i cant understand that your mother who is 43 ( still young) is letting her 21 year son look after her in the way you are. why couldnt she get a female to come and live with her. why cant she ask the father of this child to look after her. specially when she is so sick that cant even go to toilet herself or change herself.

      you need to move out of house now! otherwise these evil thoughts will engulf you.

      watching your own mother having sex that also with a man who is not your dad probably has made you very defensive and protective about your mother. and because you are her primary carerer you are having these distorted thoughts about your mother.

      Seek psychiatric / psycological help immediately. brother dont let these evil thoughts stray you further.

    • There's no reason for your insult, it's completely heartless and uncalled for. Its clear that he's going through a hard enough time already, no need to kick him when he's down.....please don't comment if all you have to say are insults.

      As for you brother, adding to midnightmoon's advice.....please focus on prayers go above and beyond the daily five, make sure that your day is filled with islamic activities and ask for forgiveness....I will make dual for you.

  4. stop reading incest and other stories.

    stop watching porn.

    lower your gaze.

    ask for AllahSWT's forgiveness all the time.

    do lots of nafl salah if you want to stop these thoughts.

    Salaam.

  5. Brother Brother Brother please listen to the comment of midnightmoon as soon as possible... Allah SW may guard as from such thinking and make us stronger.

  6. Salaams,

    I've noticed some seeming inconsistencies in your story. I'm not sure why they're there, but they were hard for me to overlook or dismiss.

    First of all, women your mother's age are not routinely put in bed rest just because of how old they are. For a pregnant woman to need bedrest, there has to be a serious medical issue going on besides the pregnancy. Many women have healthy pregnancies in their forties without needing to go on bedrest.

    Secondly, bedrest for pregnant women is based on the severity of the problem. Most women on bedrest don't need the extreme level of care you describe yourself providing for your mom. Even if she were on the most restrictive form of bedrest, she should be able to use the restroom using a bedpan- not walking to the bathroom with assistance. Also, for bathing, even while on bedrest she can sponge bathe her private areas herself, and only use your assistance for washing places that are hard for her to reach like her lower legs and back. Being on bedrest doesn't mean she can't use her arms.

    Also, pregnant women don't generally use sanitary pads. It's not common for women to bleed during pregnancy, that this would be happening. And of she is bleeding regularly that she is needing her pads changed so often, perhaps it's better for her to be hospitalized because that's a HUGE medical concern for a pregnant woman. And like I said, there should be nothing stopping her from changing her own pads anyway- even while on bedrest. If you're talking about post-partum bleeding, then in that case she would no longer be pregnant and the bedrest no longer needed- neither would be your assistance.

    Finally, if her health situation is really that severe (and I can only conceive of that being true if she has serious health problems in general- in which case you would be a threat to her at all times, not just during pregnancy), then I find it HIGHLY unlikely that she would be taking sleeping pills that were so strong she's not aware of what you do to her. Sleeping

    • (iPhone cut me off)...pills in any strength are dangerous for pregnant women- how much more someone in as serious care as your mother. I doubt her dr would risk the pregnancy by letting her take sleeping pills.

      Like I said, I'm not sure why these facts aren't adding up, but I know that something is off. I hope that you weren't exaggerating things to minimize what's really going on. All I can say is that there is no situation I can imagine that would require you to see or clean your mothers private areas.

      -Amy
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • One more thing I almost forgot: pregnant women on extreme bedrest are usually prohibited from having intercourse. You're describing your mothers health situation in such a dire way, but yet she's still having sex with her husband....and not just that but ROUGH sex? No way. I can't believe those are both true, I'm sorry.

        -Amy
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Amy he meant his step father used to have sex BEFORE she was preagnant not while she was.

          • Salaams,

            He actually didn't specify. Since he describes this problem as starting when he had to start caring for his pregnant mother, the assumption is that he wouldn't have been spying on them prior to that.

            -Amy
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor