Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Rejected because of age, but want to hold on – need Istikhara

Dua woman at Sunset

Asalamoillikum,

My name is Marukh, and I am a 20 year old female.  I need some help with the Istikhara, I am also looking for some answers and I am hoping that my questions will get their answers with a good advice. I have a proposal from a very good person. He likes me very much and I like him too. He has been telling me that he wants to marry me from few years now. Since, we both were pretty young, we  decided just to pray for the best and wait for the right time to come. I am half way done with my education now and so is he. We don't want to get married right away but we wanted to involve our parents or atleast tell them that we have picked someone for each other.

I told my parents and they agreed as he has everything that my parents want. Good family, education, good person, very close to Islam as well. He also talked to his parents, it seems that his dad does not approve of me because I am couple of months older than him. Only 2 months. His dad said himself that I meet all the other requirements except the fact I am only 2 months older than him he won't  give permission or allow his son to marry me. Now, we are stuck and don't know what to do.

We can't stay apart as we have been waiting for this from 4 years now and we are very dear to each other. The fact that his dad has made a decision that he won't approve of me brings all of the hopes down. We are both aware that Islam does not approve of a relationship so we kept it halal and just committed to each other that when we both finish university we will get married then and when our education is half way done we will get our parents involved. Problem is that we are very close to each other emotionally but at the same time he does not want to go against his dad. And at the same time, he does not want to leave me either and wants to find a way that he could marry me and have his dad agreed too.

I want to do Istikhara if he is right for me or not because I  know what Allah S.W.T has written for us will happen no matter what but with istikhara at least I would know if waiting for him and hoping for something postive is right or not. Please help me with what  because I really need your help.

Your advice and gudiance can show a new way and please do tell me what we both can do in this situation to work it out. Please and Thank-you

- Marukh

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2 Responses »

  1. Dear Marukh Asalaamualaykum,

    As you must know, Islam is free of discrimination and so age should not be an issue when looking for a spouse. Khadija (ra) was 40 years of age when she married the Prophet (saw) who was just 25 years of age. This man's father most probably knows this already but gives precedence to culture over deen.

    Do not worry, you are being tested which is a part of life. Remember that Allah has given you the guidelines for how to speak, behave etc, you just need to stay within your limits, make your halaal effort and then accept the outcome as Allah's Will. So observe hijaab internally and externally infront of the man you want to marry, conduct yourself with the correct manners and etiquettes of a pious Muslim woman and fear Allah at all times. Get your family and family friends on your side without becoming 'all emotional', instead use deen, logic and common sense and make plenty of dua to Allah for help. InshaAllah with patience and perseverance, the prospective man's father will come agree.

    See the following links for information on how to do Istikhara:

    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/istikhara-in-the-light-of-the-sunnah/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/power-of-salat-ul-istikhara/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/salat-al-istikhara-in-arabic/
    http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/salat-al-istikhara-the-guidance-prayer/the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-hajah-or-istikhara/

    Best Wishes,

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. Marukh, I just re-read your post and realised I made some errors in my reply to you.

    What I was supposed to say was, encourage your prospective to remain calm and to convince his father without becoming emotional. He should use logic, common sense and examples/stories from the Sunnah of our Prophet (saw) to convince his family and family friends and inshAllah they will all be able to help his father accept you.

    If you have feelings for one another, it is better and more advisable to marry sooner than later to prevent fitnah from occuring. University should not be a barrier to marriage. In the meantime, do your best to keep your distance emotionally and physically and fill this gap with nearness to Allah.

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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