Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Relationship before Marriage and semi-nude pictures

Interactions between the engaged couple

Assalamu alai kum warahamtullahi wabarakatuhu.
I won't reveal my real name, but for this question, I shall call myself Safeenah. The question that I would like to ask is in regard to zina and relationships before marriage. I will just say that I'm under 18, and a couple years ago, I'd gotten a boyfriend. I'll call him Yaqub. Him and I had gone on a date a few times, and we'd kissed. We'd broken up and gotten back together, remained in an on and off relationship for more than a year, and during that time period I sent him pictures [editor's note: the sister reports these pictures were sexually explicit; I have edited out the details in the interests of modesty].

We had dirty talked a lot, and for a long time, I knew that what we were doing, what I was doing with HIM was wrong, but I was in love with him, and I guess that maybe I still am. In September, of this year, 2013, we'd gotten back together even though I told myself that I would tell him to get out of my life, but unfortunately and to reasons unknown, even to myself, I'd allowed him back into my life and we'd become a couple once again. However, the following month, two days before the 'one month anniversary', we'd broken up and I realised that he'd completely forgotten that we were even together.

Thinking back now, I should have realised that it would, in the end, only lead to the tragedy of a broken heart and horrible mistakes and a lot of sins that I regret so much. I have no idea what to do, how to repent and I'm scared of Allah not forgiving me. This was the 10th time, and especially considering the pictures that I had sent to him, I'm scared of not being forgiven.

And for when I get married, do I tell my husband what I'd done and the mistakes that I'd made? What is the best way to repent for what I had done? And every single time I try to become better, its as if something is always stopping me.

What am I supposed to do?


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22 Responses »

  1. Asalamo alaykum, don't beat yourself up about it, you are only human. Pray and seek Allah's forgiveness, show him that you are sincerely sorry and make lots and lots of dua asking for forgiveness. I hope you are forgiven inshallah. And regarding telling your husband, no do not tell him anything because this matter is between you and Allah SWT- not anyone else. It is none of your husband's business or anyone elses, your sins are between you and your lord!

    • Muslims like you make the world a better place, people should be more like you, al Hamdu Le el Allah

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful, and loves to forgive us our sins if we but ask for forgiveness. So, if you repent with sincerity, you can trust in Allah's love and mercy.

    As part of repenting, it's important to take steps to ensure that the sin is not repeated. So, take steps to improve your knowledge and practice of Islam, make sure your relationships with boys are in accordance with Islamic guidance (eg. no romantic relationships, no physical contact, follow Islamic etiquette), and work to develop and maintain your modesty.

    As far as your future husband goes, you aren't under an obligation to tell him graphic details from your past - Allah's teachings advise us not to reveal that which He has hidden for us. If a man asks you, you don't need to tell him the specifics, but could say something along the lines of your past being between you and Allah, and you having repented for any previous transgressions.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • Salam I just wanted to ask I’m going through a lot of stress at home and I thought Of being in a relationship with this boy he’s very loyal and takes care of me and he helps through all my needs he also tells me to pray namaaz and do good, we are planning to get married Once I’ve done my course at uni, but I’m scared that I’m doing wrong, obviously my intentions are not in a sexual way they’re in good intentions that we get married, and he’s there to support.

  3. Aslkm, please don't think that allah talah will not forgive you, he is the most merciful and is always most forgiving, to stop your sins the best way firstly is to get close to islam and allah swt recite quran e majid with meaning offer regular prayers offer supplication and do sincere tauba. secondly increase your attachment with your family , when your mind was filled with all the dirt you would definitely have only him and all his things in your mind bt now just wash away all the dirt and start a new life be damn close to your mom dad everyone among your family, spend time with them help your mom in whatever way you can . whenever you feel tht ur again going to the bad side think about allah swt and your mom everything will set right 🙂

    • Asalamu Alaikum ....please anyone can help me?

      I'm afraid of disclosing my sins by someone...

      3 years ago i send my nude pics to my boyfriend ...then he said that he will maryy me but he did not ..he has left me ...he cheated me ..but after it i was feeling guilt to Allah nd my family nd my future husband ....i did tobah ...but i scared that if my gunah will reveal to my future husband what should i do ?will Allah reveal my gunah infornt of my future husband ?if i made toba will Alah reveal my gunah ??or hide my gunah ???plz help me ...i'm in big trouble ....

      i'm making towabah for last 2 years ...but i'm still afraid that somone will disclose my sins to my family or my future husband ...what should i do?i'm stressed plz help me

      • Saveera, wa alaykum as-salam. Allah will certainly accept your tawbah. But as for whether your sin will be exposed, no one can say. Make dua' to Allah to conceal it. If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.

        Wael Editor

  4. Dear Sister,

    I know what u mean and the feeling of regret sucks but you should thank ALLAH that you are feeling this regret it means that you still have iman. ALLAH is most merciful and loves to forgive us do not think that just because you have continuously repeated the sin that ALLAH will not forgive have faith the devil knows that ALLAH may forgive if we ask for it so he does everything in his power to stop you from praying and saying duas. Pray your prayers and say dua and you will begin to feel better and your soul becoming pure again. As ALLAH has concealed your sin I wouldn't advise you to tell your future husband in the end it is ALLAH that judges us and telling your husband would not benefit anyone,

    Best of luck

  5. Dear sister
    I am having the same problem and very ashamed to talk about it, I would love to know what has helped you In achieving your problem alhamdulah

  6. AOA.
    I am a 19 years old girl. I started watching porn(lesbian) when I was young. I tried to get rid of the habit. I eventually did for a few years. Something happened in my life and I stopped praying. I cried alot that my prayers were not being answered and that let me astray. It's been a year that I have again become addicted but to porn(couples one). I repent,pray but after a few days I go back again. It makes me feel scared. Few days ago I sent someone my nude pic but my face and most body parts were not in the pic and it made me very sad.i am going to starting praying full time. Do guide me how I can stop the dirty thoughts from getting in my head and if they do what should I do. Will Allah forgive me because I'll repent and say won't do it again and still did.

    • As-salamu alaykum sister. We have answered many questions on this subject. Please search our archives.

      Wael Editor

    • Salam,

      I'm also a 19 year old girl and I completely understand you. Over the years, I've come to terms with my sexuality and I know that I have a high sex drive and that this is my trial from Allah. I try my best, I really do. I won't go into details but I've been struggling similarly for years.

      Firstly, I need to say that these 'dirty thoughts' are natural. Please don't be ashamed of your sexuality. Being ashamed makes it so much more miserable and you turn to sins so much more easily. 🙁 Trust me, sister. You are a healthy fertile adult woman. It is natural to want sex. But our actions rely on us and the choices we make.

      I used to be addicted to porn too. Strangely it wasn't because of my sex drive. It was because I felt the need to hurt myself. In a sick way, I hated myself so much I denied myself Heaven. You need to figure out WHY you watch it. The exact reason. Because that's where the addiction stems from, an unfulfilled need. Once you figure that out, it becomes easier, In Sha Allah. You'll find your way from there.

    • Hey this is girl you can call me Abira

  7. Please wael brother,publish my post soon

  8. I'm a 14yr old girl who was bullied and harassed by both girls and boys for having big breasts I was bullied and harassed by everyone I asked the teacher for help even before that all the teachers knew what was happening but they didn't help me 3ys later it stopped I started having friends but what I didn't realize was that my friends were bad months went by I became one of the popular and bad girls of the school teachers started hating me for my bad behavior for the first time ever I was recognized by a 17yr old boy in who's beauty I got amazed and sensed nudes because he asked me he never sensed me a nude or anything I never saw him that way all I wanted was being called beautiful since I hated my own looks we were in a relationship for 5 months after we broke up he leaked all of my nudes but luckily my family didn't found out after that I started watching lesbian porn and I started liking girls in a sexual way please help me I don't know how to solve any of this or ask God to forgive me

  9. salam
    when i was younger all i thought about was praying and becoming a good muslim but that wasn't enough to cover my demonic side which was so eager for sex. as dirty as it sounds i was so deluded with pornography gay lesbian or just normal couples.i wasn't born likes this.i was raped,i was reading a fact where it said that if u was raped young your most likely to turn out as a rapist or a sex addict.i turned out to be a sex addict and i know this is haram but i enjoy it. i met this boy we met several times we would go out and do things which i won't talk much about,he didn't even mean anything 2 me but he completed my sexual desire and thats all i cared I'm talking to this boy i really like him we want to get married but where still young so far i haven't done anything sexual with him other than send nudes,whilst talking to him i feel guilty because i know what I'm doing is haram and thats what makes it even more haram the fact that i know its wrong but i don't want to leave him because i really like him.i usually repent to allah for his forgiveness with all my heart but then i end up repeating a similar problem is I'm addicted and unstoppable but for a long time now i haven't done anything of such sort alhamduliah and I'm trying to keep it that way inshallah.

  10. Can't mentioned my name but I have committed a major sin. I love a man and he loves me. We believe to get married after 5 years but as we are still not married, me n him communicated at night time. Then on his request I started to treat him as a husband. Then he sent a nudity photo of him and I sent one of my photo yesterday. But today I want to repent as j don't know if the sin I have done is zina or what? We are planning to get married but I haven't been in sexual intercourse such as sleeping with him in bed. But of course the photo that we have sent, is a act of zina. Please can you tell me if I can pray or not as I believe that fornicators can't pray as my heart says! Plz can you tell ME how I can repent or do I have to punish myself with 100 lashes?

  11. Sister you should repent and make dua he delete your picture may be he use your picture for blackmailing and do nikah if not possible marriage yet in this way you can save herself i think you should both get marriage in futute he can use your nude pictures for his purpose .You say jim delete your picture if you both meet and also check his mobile or computer for your picture but be aware he can tell a lie and restore your picture after deleted and he can store your pictute in memory card so be careful and tell him marry with you if he love you and till marriage never meet with him or sent pictutes and never talk with him these things are haraam but first talk with him about pictures and tell him we are did and doing wrong things if he has good moral he would understand and repe nt if have not good moral he would never repent and insist that we connitue relation if he do he is not good for you .I read story here if both boy and girl did zina or sent pictures they did not got marriage ot boy blackmail girl you can read here such stories and get answer what should you do you can search here in search box and you will get help and power to take decision IN SHALLAH .ALLAH GHAFOOR RAHEEM HE forgive HIS servents .You should read QURAN with translation you will get power and help from QURAN and see how much ALLAH is GHAFOOR and also watch videos on youtube which is based on repent .Say, “O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful.” (Quran 39:53 ) First: The most important condition for the acceptance of one's repentance is that the act of repentance must be sincerely for Allah The Almighty alone.
    Second: The person must feel remorse and guilt over his actions so much so that he wishes he had never done it in the first place.
    Third: The person must immediately cease committing the wrong and sinful act.
    Fourth: The repentant person must have a firm intention to never commit the sin again.
    “All the sons of Adam make mistakes, but the best of those who make mistakes are those who frequently repent.” (Tirmidhi) i want to share with you some websites and their links about repents and dorgivness and how to html you should visit http://www.Islamic this website will help you IN SHALLAH pray for me thanks

  12. You can tawbah no matter how much your sins it is saying shytaan that your sin can not forgive ALLAH IS GHAFOOR AND RAHEEM do not care what shytaan are saying with you ALLAH SAYS IN QURAAN about shytaan that he is enemy so do not listen his whispers you can read translation and see ALLAH forgive every sin.I want to share a link about waswaas how can overcome on wasswaas i want a link from this website about sin and repents if you understand urdu i want to share a website in this website there are some things in english and there are speeches u can listen and download and if someone share a link with you or tell a story with you about a person which was belong to BNNI issrael he killed 99 persons and after that he went to repent and went to a rahib he said your tawbah can not accept he killed ho and went forward and wanted repented and he dead ALLAH forgived him this story is so long if there is someone plz share this with sister and others thanks

  13. و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته

    Respected sister,
    All praise is due to Allah the most gracious, the most merciful.

    Without doubt human beings are human and prone to sin.
    Commiting sin is a defect amongst all.

    To try to refrain from sin is the priority. This can be achieved by occupying ones self in good.
    Making a structured timetable will narrow the chances of falling into the same trap.

    Wothout doubt whatever happened has happened and what has to come is in Allah's hand.
    Whilst one can not undo the past one can surely make good intentions for the future.

    Having regret upon sin is a great quality as one has realised their mistake.

    But sincere Taubah (repentance) is what one should do.
    Allah S.W.A in the Quran promises those who do sincere taubah 2 things :
    1. He will forgive your sins
    2. He will enter you into Paradise

    Sincere repentance is seeking forgiveness from Allah S.W.A with the firm resolution of never returning to such a sin again.

    May Allah grant us all goodness and protect you at all times.

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