Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Remarried and unhappy

woman in regret, sad, depressed

Salam alaykoum,

I am remarried now for 5 years but I am very unhappy. I don't know what to do.

I was married for 12 years with my ex husband. I asked for divorce because we had no bond like a man and woman have in a marriage. It was as if I was living with my brother. He was also shouting a lot. Together we had a son and a daughter.

After one year of divorce i met my former husband. But from the very beginning he was not telling me everything about him. We get married only bij fatha without mariage papers. He lied about work and his papers. He also did not told me that he is still not officialy divorced with the mother of his children. They are separated for twelve years now but are not officialy divorced. He is not working, I am supporting him. I pay for everything.

This marriage is worse than the marriage I had with my ex husband. Sometimes I really regret the fact that I got divorced from the father of my children who is married now to another woman and will soon become father.

I really don't know what to do and need advise.




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3 Responses »

  1. OP: I asked for divorce because we had no bond like a man and woman have in a marriage. It was as if I was living with my brother. He was also shouting a lot.

    Are you implying you left your husband because of lack of physical relationship and his shouting behavior? You married your former husband (I guess some one you married 17 or more years before.

    Why did you leave your former husband and why you remarried him?

    Now you want to go back to you EX with whom you lived like brother and sister? Why?

  2. There are only 2 marriages here, right? One was a 12 years marriage and you asked for a divorce. The other one is now that has been 5 years, am I right?

    If your "present husband" is still legally married to his wife even though they have been separated for 12 years, your status with him is "co-habitation". Where are you living now? Your status with him is NOT a husband and a wife. You said : "We get married only bij fatha without mariage papers", here I do not understand. Did you marry in a masjid with a Iman and witness? Why you did not have any paper?

    He is not a responsible man and for 5 years that he relies on you to feed him?? You have every right to ask him out of your life if he shows no sign of change. First he is not legally related to you and second he is not fulfilling his responsibility. If he choose to change, I urge you to ask him to get a proper divorce paper before letting him to move back to you.

    For you ex-husband whom you married for 12 years, all you can do is to say marshallah and send your blessing to his marriage. You should not jealous about his marriage as people move on. For you, you need to be careful for not just jumping to one marriage to another one just out of desperation.

  3. Sister ,

    Yes ..You can't feed him for long and it won't work out .No woman will tolerate this .
    Also it is his Islamic responsibility to earn and provide food ,accommodation to wife .
    Just because it is your 2nd or 3rd marriage you should not think that you will tolerate this .
    Marriage won't work out if there is no Money flow .

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