Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Repentance after committing Zina

repent forgive repenting


Assalam brothers and sisters,

I am a 27 year old muslim women and I have committed Zina. It has been more than 6 months that I have realized my mistake and that I have stopped. I am performing my regular salah and I am seeking forgiveness from Allah.

I was in a relationship with this guy who was non-muslim. Initially everything seemed alright but then it started becoming very stressful. I had always hoped and prayed that he becomes muslim. Although I had expressed him once that I want him to become musalman but I did not put this in front of him as my most important priority. We used to fight and argue about religion a lot. I had realized my mistakes and I wanted to get out of it. But I could not. By the grace of Allah I am out now. I am very very thankful to Him. I am more relaxed now and I am always at ease.

Right now my age is such that my parents want me to get married but they have not found a suitable match yet. And I fear I will never get married. I believe in Allah swt. And I pray that he gives me the best husband in Islam the husband who is my best friend in deen duniya and akhira.

What I wanted to ask is how to ask tawbah in a proper way for Allah swt to forgive me. When Allah took me out of this bad relationship I was convinced that A llah has protected bad from happening to me. But I want to do more tawbah and ask for good in duniya and akhira.

Also I feel that since I had not made my intentions clear to the guy right from the beginning I have wronged him. And while hoping that he converts I have wasted his and my time. I really do not know how to say sorry to him. He thinks that I have intentionally done this and I have used him for emotional and financial support. It is not true because  I truly loved him and have cried my heart out infront of Allah to guide me and him to the path of Islam. Allah swt alone knows what I had felt for this guy. Now I do not know if Allah will ever forgive me for doing this to him.

I am seeking your help in this situation. And I ask all the brothers and sisters to please pray that Allah swt forgives me and gives me the best husband in Islam.



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18 Responses »

  1. Walaikumassalam Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuhu.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And all of you beg Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful”
    [al-Noor 24:31]

    “O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance!”
    [al-Tahreem 66:8]

    “Say: O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
    [al-Zumar 39:53].

    And He says, out of kindness towards His slaves (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Will they not turn with repentance to Allaah and ask His forgiveness? For Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
    [al-Maa'idah 5:74]
    the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O people, repent to Allaah and seek His forgiveness, for I repent one hundred times a day.” Narrated by Muslim, 2702 from the hadeeth of al-Agharr al-Muzani (may Allaah be pleased with him).
    The conditions of sincere repentance include:

    1) regretting the sins that you have committed, and

    2) immediately giving up that immoral action, and everything that leads to it such as contact, correspondence and dates.

    3)The conditions of repentance also include resolving not to go back to it.

    May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!

  2. Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

    May The Most Merciful Lord Forgive your sins: big and small, those you are aware of and those you are unaware of.

    Sister, you did commit a huge sin, a major sin which has been warned against by Allah and His Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam again and again. But sadly, we have taken the pleasure and charm of the World more valuable than the promise of Allah Izza wa Jal.

    Do we not believe in Him? Do we not believe and trust in Him that Patience rewards - especially in the Aakhirah? May Allah Give us Taqwa and Guard us against His enemy - the Shaitan and even against our own Nafs.

    Sister, Islam has a prescribed punishment for Zina as an expiation, but this is almost absent in the World today. So you have one option - Tawbah. And make it "Tawbah Nasooha".

    Allah Said in Surah at Tahrim, Aayah 8:

    (يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا تُوبُوا إِلَى اللَّهِ تَوْبَةً نَصُوحًا عَسَىٰ رَبُّكُمْ أَنْ يُكَفِّرَ عَنْكُمْ سَيِّئَاتِكُمْ وَيُدْخِلَكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ تَجْرِي مِنْ تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ يَوْمَ لَا يُخْزِي اللَّهُ النَّبِيَّ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ ۖ نُورُهُمْ يَسْعَىٰ بَيْنَ أَيْدِيهِمْ وَبِأَيْمَانِهِمْ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا أَتْمِمْ لَنَا نُورَنَا وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا ۖ إِنَّكَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ)
    O you who have believed, repent to Allah with sincere repentance. Perhaps your Lord will remove from you your misdeeds and admit you into gardens beneath which rivers flow [on] the Day when Allah will not disgrace the Prophet and those who believed with him. Their light will proceed before them and on their right; they will say, "Our Lord, perfect for us our light and forgive us. Indeed, You are over all things competent."

    Allah Is The Most Just. If He Blesses us, that is from His Mercy and Grace and if He Punishes us it is from His Justice. We must seek from His Mercy because His Mercy overpowers His Wrath. And He Loves it when His servants return to Him after having sinned.

    The thought that He may not Forgive is a sign of hopelessness which is not good. We must always hope for good from Him. Aakhirah is something inevitable, death is the call towards it and the grave is a step towards it. Contemplate on the Aakhirah, correct your belief, your Aqeedah (refer for help in this), start preparing for the Aakhirah; in sha Allah, you will do sincere tawbah in this process.

    Trust in Allah and wait for the potential match. In sha Allah, you will find one soon. You do not need to talk to this man or say sorry. He is a stranger and you have no obligation toward him. May Allah Guide him.

    Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  3. salam sister,

    alhamdulillah you have been brought to light and you stoped the sin you were in. just do frank conversations with Allah in namaz ,specially tahajud.

    i know most will say do not contact this man and its true that you dont need to. the biggest danger is you reverting back to sin. see all the post on this website, most wanted to get away from sin but couldnt because they never let go of the relationship they are in.

    however if i was at the receiving end of it, i would appreciate an honest confession and reason for break up. if you do intend to do it then make sure you are not leaving a back door open for sin to enter your life again. how does one make sure of that ........ the right answer is one can never make sure of it as the temptation is always there. meeting in person or talking over phone is certainly make saytan's work very easy. may be a text . avaoid letter as sometimes people can use it to black mail in future.

    i know a non muslim friend whose boy friend of 5 years had left her without much explanation.almost a year has gone and all she wanted from him was not to come back but atleast a sincere apology and a reason for leaving her.for some its like a closure which helps both parties to move on.

    may Allah guide you and all of us.ameen

  4. May Allah protect you and keep you and those going through similar situations on the straight path, I know it takes full trust in Allah to leave someone you love for His sake. You have not hurt this man in vain, you were supposed to from the start stay away from him so do not feel guilty for leaving him because Allah has saved you from severe punishment this way. It will take some time for this man to forgive you in his heart but it can happen once he finds someone else in his life and it is not up to you to contact him again to ask for his forgiveness. I am not sure if you are even allowed to do this because you are not supposed to speak to a non mahrem anyway so it is better to be safe and not contact him at all. If you want you can have your brother or a trusted relative let him know how sorry you are to hurt him because he will wonder for a long time what he has done wrong.

    To stop feeling guilt you can try to ask Allah to guide him to Islam and to forgive you for hurting this man. If you sincerely repent Allah will forgive, but take this as a lesson to never do these things again. Hurting a human being is a big thing because even if he or she is a non Muslim they have feelings just like a Muslim does. We are all human and we all need to be respected or at least have an explanation to why we were hurt, but this can also lead to a complicated matter in a situation where you can get reattached to this man by speaking to him again. Allah is the Healer of our hearts so He will heal it when the time is right. Just keep asking Allah to forgive but know in your heart that if you are sincere in your dua you will be forgiven but please just move on with your life with the intent of never doing this again and after you are over this man completely look for a man, in a halal manner, who you can marry and pray to Allah the same for the man you have hurt.

  5. Salaam

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  6. I'm a 15 year old boy (remainder of post deleted by editor)

    • Salaams, please log in and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer it in turn in shaa Allah. In the meantime, if you search our archives you will find helpful responses pertaining to your situation in shaa Allah.

      -Amy Editor

      • Salams.i posted my question 3weeks ago.when will i get the response?will i get an email if my question is published??pls reply its urgent

        • We currently have 115 pending posts, and we publish about 2 per day. So it will be a while, unfortunately.

          We have published more than 5,000 posts. Search our archives and find questions similar to yours that have already been answered.


  7. Assalamu Alaikum.
    Please brothers and sister, i want way out, i am young 22 years old a student in Islamic University in uganda pursing a degree in Shari'a. my problem is that, i have alot of friends and they are girls they all want me to marry them but i don't have that means ability, and some they want me to make love with they i refused because i knew in Shari'ah, but i don't know what to do, because i have a lot of feelings.
    incase of any advice here is my contacts (deleted by editor)

    • Wa Alaykum Assalaam,

      Personally, I think you should switch studies to another university if it's as bad as you say. Uganda is not the only place available to study Shariah. In fact, there are more reknown places all over the world (I've never heard of anyone going to Uganda for that!).

      Making friends with girls will always be a fitna and temptation. So don't do it. If you transfer studies to another school as suggested, make sure all your friends are male.

      If you need more advice please log in and submit your own post.

      -Amy Editor

  8. W.slam!
    I didn't do zina or go near any man but what if I watch it on TV or other devices..
    Then I repent that why I did so and ask for forgiveness from Allah..
    But after some months I commit the same sin and again repent..
    then does this repentance will work...
    I don't want to watch it...
    but I do.... I don't know why???

    Plz guide if you have some suggestions!!!

  9. Assalamualaikum friends! I am feeling so shame to share with incident with you all. I did a huge sin zinnah with a Christian Lady. Just after then that I realized my mistake and I read almost 100 times tauba astagfirullah. I beg for forgiveness a lot from Allah. I really believe on Allah and his prophet Muhammad SWA I am feeling very shame on me that how I did that. Please suggest me friends what should have to do now

  10. I have committed an adultery with a girl whom I have been engaged I always feel tense stressful from last 8 months and I don't know what to do now .please help me in this regard .since I am getting, married with the same girl next year But I am not happy because my health is deteriorating day in and day out as I have committed such a big sin.what next I can do please help me

  11. do not worry Muslim brothers and sisters . you are so good compared to me , so often . Allah is most merciful . I have sinned without knowing for years and drank alcohol heavily , losing my new family and life several times . he evil one attacked and misguided me and I have been persecuted and tortured , mauled to death and even have witnessed others commiting unforgivable evil ( non - Muslims ) . my torture and punishments are still by the mercy of Allah in dunya , and I sin sometimes still after finding out drinking is haram and I am in a terrifying situation , yet I still am Muslim and believe in Allah , I barely know how to pray and have been attacked by djinni and all kinds of mental and physical stuff you do not even want to know about . I have mistakenly fallen for zinna also and gave up on my life but Allah has not given up on me , I am trying to learn how to repent and how the punishments in life may have saved me by their will from hell fire . it is important to forgive yourself and believe in Allah ' s mercy more than anything , and never give up on Allah and their messenger , the Shariah is upheld even by my suffering I attest to that truth and as a warning to Muslims to stay on the right path and believe even more in Allah before a terrible punishment comes from the unseen worlds even .

    Insha Allah .

    - Always Believing

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