Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Repenting for a haraam relationship – will I ever get forgiveness from Allah?

mercy forgiveness repentance tawbah

Aslam o Aliqum. May Allah guide us all and bless us Jannah in the life hereafter.

I am a 19 year old girl, studying medicine from a very good institute with a bright future.

My problem started a few months back when I made a male friend (Muslim) in my class because he used to give me a lot of respect whenever we talked. Naturally I started liking him because of that. After some time he told me he did too.

However, I told him that it was not possible because gf bf relationship is not recognised in Islam. But I used to see and talk to him everyday so it got really hard to stay away from him. Devil got the best of me and I told him that we could be more than just friends without doing anything out of normal. My biggest mistake ever.

Long story short and I'd like to come to my point now... I let him touch me down there. I am sorry about the details but I need help. I always felt bad but I suppose it's the pleasure that we get from it which makes it a sin. He has also been close to my breasts, that is seen them and touched them etc. He had a few pictures of mine too that weren't appropriate but he said he had deleted them long ago- like I'd believe that. Anyhow, after a month or two I told myself that enough was enough and I must stop or else I will see myself in Jahanum.

I told him that it was over. I disconnected in every way possible. No more Facebook friend or even texting. I told him that I was repenting and it was for the best and it would be wise of him to do the same. Instead he told me that I had ruined his life and he couldn't love anyone anymore nor trust anybody. I was slightly agitated because I saved us both from the greater sin. He, however, has different priorities in life. I wished him luck and said goodbye.

Now the problem is that it has been haunting me for days. I had been with him for 3 months- the worst months of my life. I hate myself for not regretting what I did enough. I should be sobbing and grief stuck but I suppose I believe that Allah will forgive me. I am a sinner and I don't know what I'm going to do if Allah doesn't forgive me. I am moderately religious but what I did is unforgivable. The only thing that gets me going is the fact that I didn't have sex with that awful man.

I have to see him everyday for the next 4 years and I don't know what I am going to do. He doesn't intend to blackmail me but we all know how naive I would be to believe that. I am afraid he might tell our friends (yes, we have same friends) or worse someone saw us and I get kicked out of the institute. My parents would not be able to bear the shame either.

I just want to know if I would ever get forgiveness from Allah. Is there any way of knowing that? He is forgiving but I don't think that I regret my sin enough. I hate myself for that. I am in deep trouble because of my lust and I don't think I will ever have a good man as a husband because of that. I have sinned and it is becoming really hard to live in the fear of the future.

eeep

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25 Responses »

  1. Dear sister,

    Do not make the mistake of letting the devil put thoughts in your head and obsticles to return you to your sin. By returning to Allah you must drop this sin and put your full trust in Allah. Allah can hide this sin for you in life and after life it can be erased in your books. Back in college days I was in a haram relationship and I got pulled into it. Short point is that the devil did not leave me alone because I wanted to end the relationship right away. The devil kept telling me what if she's pregnant what if you got STDs and he convinced me to stay with her extra few months to make sure she's not pregnant. To make this story short my haram relationship lasted 3 years because of the devils whisper. He even made me have dreams so I can feel bad for the girl and return to her.

    Point is that do not look back when repenting to Allah. Do not let the devil create obstacles. Return to Allah and Allah will find a way for you out of your problem. Allah can hide this sin in this life and after. The devil will not leave you alone unless you return to this sin. Looking back at my problem years ago, I wish I walked out from my haram relationship the next day. All these thoughts just made me call deep in sinning.

    No he will not tell your friends or expose you. If he did then it's a test from Allah and Allah will find a way out of it for you. Just walk away and don't look back.

    Brother Rami

    • MasAllah your reply touched my heart and thanks for sharing.

      @eeep Do not look back repent and only rely on Allah thank Allah you got saved.
      Please stay focus and believe Allah has saved you count your blessings.

    • Rami: Point is that do not look back when repenting to Allah

      You had sexual relationship with a girl for 3 years. You did really a great favor to her by staying with her for 3 years.

      Why did not you marry her? Did she force you to have sex with her or did you pursue her pretending to love/like her?

      • This is what happened. I left overseas to study to I rented a room with a Korean family. This girl that my friend introduced me to long time ago we started chatting again and she was so pushy about meeting up and I always hesitated. The devil got me and when we meet up she used to try very hard to touch and escalate things. I was shy and this was a new experience to me so I didn't know what to do. Eventually we had an intercourse and I repented the the devil would try to drag me back and it works everytime. She is North American native girl so Non Muslims but at some point she converted which I didn't even know about until after then when I left her she converted back to her own religion when her parents found out. I did consider marrying her but I had a trust issue with her. So the relationship with nothing but sexual then regret. She did love me but I felt bad about the whole thing so I didn't treat her so nice. Kind of like blaming her for my actions which I regret. It was an endless loop until I asked god to guide me out of it with the intention of getting married. I had a regular job just barely paying bills I had no money saved but I had my full trust in Allah. Several months later Allah found a way for me to have enough money to get married and the right girl who I have been married to for over 8 years now with 2 kids. Allah made it work. It was like a puzzle and all the pieces just plugged in the right placed al7amduulah.. Full trust is the key. It is true when someone leaves a sin for allahs sake, Allah will replace it with what's better.

        Thanks,

        Rami

        • Hey rami, my name is Ahmed I have a problem, for the past year I have been in a haram relationship with a non Muslim Indian girl, we both love eachother and I didn't feel it was wrong I believed in Allah and my faith actually got stronger in Allah thanks to her actually, but recently things went to the limit and we did not have intercourse but she is apparently pregnant after the day where we did the bad acts she has been having these symptoms of pregnancy and because of that I started understanding why Zina is haram and I also felt that this relationship is wrong and I should do Tawba to Allah and ask for forgiveness because I have been commuting a major sin and ever since I have been doing Tawba and seeking forgiveness and asking Allah to make her symptoms be of something else other than pregnancy. I told her that I had to stop this relationship because it was haram and she said if I quit on her she would suicide and that if she turns out to be pregnant she will have an abortion but her life is ruined since her parents will find out , I told my mom about me and her relationship but not about the pregnancy symptoms , I wanted to come clean with my parents, I promised Allah to not go near Zina, stop my habit of lying and stop any other sin I do and so far I'm keeping my promise, I am 16 years old and she is 16 as well my parents are middle Eastern Muslims and hers are Indian hindu, we have been hiding this relationship for long. If it comes that she is pregnant how will I tell my parents ? Will they forgive me ? Can Allah forgive me for ruining her life...? I am feeling guilty that because of me because I was in a relationship with her she would suicide and her life could be ruined, what should I do ? Help me please anyone

          • As-salamu alaykum brother Ahmed,

            1. As you know, your relationship with this girl was completely haram. It has to end. There is no future in it and it will only lead to more haram.
            2. It's impossible to get pregnant without intercourse. So if you did not have intercourse, then the girl is lying to you about being pregnant.
            3. Her suicidal threats are just a kind of emotional blackmail. You cannot allow your life to be controlled by such threats. You must end the relationship no matter what.

            Wael
            IslamicAnswers.com Editor

        • Did you ever tell your wife about your sins before? If so what did she do? Because i have been sinning... Not intercourse...but i have sinned and I'm worried about how to break it to my husband after i get married.... I don't even know if i should tell my husband about my past sins or not. Please help me out.

          • No dont tell this to your husband ,that could destroy your marriage and Allah doesn't want that you uncover your sins that He has covered for you . If sins stay hidden it is good because he wants to forgive you ,so don't make it harder on your self as it already is.
            What you should do is regret what you have done sincerely and not just for 1 week but for a long time and try to change your self so that you never would do such sins again . Try to be a good muslima , do good deeds ,cleanse you heart from this sin and be happy with your husband :).

      • Hey zawaj.com
        i wanted to update you with what has happened with me, after the incident happened i told my girlfriend that i did not want to continue this relationship with her anymore because in my religion its wring and my love for allah is big and i want to repent back to him. I told her that and after i did, she started to hate me and dislike my religion ( she was a person who started to fall in love with islam because of me and because of how i used to talk to her about it) and now she started having this grudge towards me saying "after 1 full year with me, how come this thing happens to you now?" i repented to allah i asked for his forgiveness, but when a person has hate towards you, isnt that very dangerous for the hereafter? and if you turn someone away from islam isnt it also dangerous? ever since she started loving islam i began writing this book FOR HER which was to convince her into islam and guide her to the truth, but now it seems like she doesnt even want to hear the word islam anymore.
        The last thing i wanted to ask you is that girl i used to be in a haram relationship with, i looked at her as the ONE she was uncorrupted by the society, she had knowledge and is a very repsectfull girl, one of the reasons why it was hard for me to leave her was because i was always scared that i would not find any girl who is better than her, most importantly who is uncorrupt by society and who is muslim, because in my country its very rare, i trust allah to guide me into this and i hope its enough so anyone, please tell me what should i do and if it is my fault and if so what should i do to fix it?

  2. Assalaamualaikam

    Have faith in Allah - He is Most Merciful. Alhamdulillah, you have recognised the sins you had committed and that you were at risk of committing more, and you have turned away from that. Repent, make changes to your life so that you are less likely to go back to those sins, and look forward. It's important that we feel sorry for the mistakes we make, but we shouldn't let that remorse stop us from making positive steps in our futures - if we do, then we're letting shaitan's whispers hurt us from a different route.

    Yes, this boy will be in your year at university, but that doesn't mean you have to speak with him, or have any non-professional contact with him or with any other non-mahram. Simply treat him as you would any other non-mahram in the workplace - observe appropriate limits and make sure you are appropriately covered. If he presses the issue of the two of you having been in a relationship, be polite and firm, and explain to him that you realised the relationship was not halal so you cannot continue it - that you are sorry for any hurt he has experienced, but you cannot go against Islamic limits.

    Often when people are hurt, they can make threats about spreading rumours or make overly dramatic statements like "I'll never love again" - in most cases, people calm down and get some perspective over time.

    Focus on yourself and your deen, and don't let shaitan's whispers distract you.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. ...

    [Editor's note: Please submit your question as a new post for publication rather than as a comment on an existing post. That way it can be published and answered in turn, inshaAllah.]

  4. Just act confident. He touched you and most likely you touched him.

    If he tries to blckmail you, try to record his threat.

    Since you already let him touch you every where, you may go back for some more adventure after few months. You guys have no love or intention to marry, just a desire for temporary sexual satisfaction.

    Get married to him or some one else.

    Almost all human beings commit blunders in sexual matters, so don't feel gulity, repent and concentrate on your studies.

  5. Thabk god I have never indulgdd myself in any such acfivity. Now that I thibk about it, it's due to Allah's blessing.

  6. Assalamu alaikum.I'm Heena ( pseudo name ) 25 years old. I have been engaged to a guy for 4 years, I just hate him to the core.At home they have arranged my wedding in December with him..my life is so hectic.I'm affected physically and mentally. Nobody is showing mercy on me..I even got depression. It's been years since I had a peaceful sleep. No friends also I have to share my problems. I feel so lonely.. I don't know what to do.I luv studies wanted to do mphil but my parents din't let me for that also..It hurts feel like dieing. Everyday I'm doing rathib I dono when allah will answer to my prayers..Just because of my family I sacrificed a lot.but they don't understand. Please pray for me I should live a happy life else allah should take me away from this earth..Nobody wants me on this earth. I have no diversions also..Those who studied with me are all placed in high position today.. Though I stood a college topper I couldn't do anything else than sitting idle at home.

    Even the guy's side know that im not interested in this wedding.I went even to many sheikh with my mom, none of them spoke on my favour, She will be fine once she gets married to him.I can't argue with such people rather I would nod my head, This is how my family gained my acceptance.Im dwelling from a male chauvinistic and a hypocritic society.My community is much influenced by racism.They would never get me married to outsiders.It's the rule of my native that I should marry only from my native place. Whenever I get back to my native depression level just aggrevate. OMG those sick people over their at my native start talking about my marriage and they would advice stating that whatever ever Allah have given you should just agree.Now I just past asleep n the time is 3:30.got up in between n typing here..I feel so depressed..I feel as though I'm locked up into a dark room. I dont even know the means to elope from here..When will Allah answer my prayer.. I'm not ready to go to psychiatrist.only v allah should cure my anxiety and depression. Im very much confused don't know what question to post here.I have come here to share my grieves with you all. Please my dear brothers and sisters pray for me.

    • heena, instead of pitying yourself, take action on your own behalf. Make it clear to your parents that you will not marry the guy, and stick to your decision no matter what pressure they put on you. It is your right in Islam to approve or refuse a marriage partner. No one can force you.

      If you need further advice, please register and submit your question as a separate post, and we will answer you in turn, Insha'Allah.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Hi Sister! My name is Aminah. I feel your pain and understand very well the type of society you're coming from. I live in a similar society in which my parents would never let me marry an outsider and if they suggest a guy I shouldn't reject unless I had a legit reason to. I was never forced to marriage luckily but I've been recommended to many people which I haven't accepted to due to their iman and relation towards Islam! I live in America and growing up here helped the fact that I didn't go through that type of life, in a few months I'll be going to my motherland and I'm hoping no one unreligious comes for my hand in marriage because I feel my parents don't really look at that, all they look at is if they a familiar with his family they'll consider him a good match for me! I have been involved in a haram relationship and i also want to repent to Allah(SWT) he's a non Muslim. He's tried to have intercourse with me but I refused because I didn't want my sin to be a bigger sin then it already is and I've always grew up with that mentality to never lose my virginity before wedlock, ever since I've started the relationship i always had that fear like what I was doing is wrong and had to stop it right away. He'd ask me questions like why at my age I'm still a virgin but knowing that we don't believe in the same religion he wouldn't understand, I decided not to tell him until I was this close to actually losing my virginity. It was as if Allah was there telling me to not let things go to the extreme and don't let the satisfaction get to you. I stopped it right then and decided that it was best to cut this off! At first I felt I loved him and I couldn't be without him but after a while I learnt it was only lust we felt for one another! I now only wish to marry a man that is devoted to Allah and will always be there to teach me how to be a better Muslim and be a good wife inshaAllah!! And sister if you want to talk I am here to hear you out! Allah is the greatest and with the help of patience and prayer all your prayers and duas will be answered don't get desperate just look to Allah and speak to him he's all hears for everyone! Don't lose your patience and let's all pray!

  7. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both have the intention to get married, his family knows and so does mine. Me and my partner have kissed and done haram things but I always ask for forgiveness from Allah, if I truly stop the kissing and any other touching will I be forgiven completely and will our marriage work? We both don't like it and regret kissing or touching and feel so terrible about it. If we stop this fitnah will we still get to marry one another? I love him and he loves me even more, we plan to get our nikkah in a year and a half when we're done school inshAllah. Someone please help.

    • You can still marry each other, but as you said you must stop all this haram behavior and stop having any contact with the boy for now.

      If your parents approve, you might consider having your nikah sooner.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  8. Salam everyone:
    I have grown up in the capital city and have sadly indulged in various activities with a few girls. The society in which we live is changing dramatically i pity the younger generation when i see them way ahead of me in terms of committing sins. I was an innocent teenager back in 2008 (8th grade) i was pampered through out by my father a very pious man indeed. I could barely think of doing anything without his consensus but sadly on 8th of August 2008 he was called back by the creator. Sigh. I was very young at that time. It seemed as if my life has ended completely and there is no purpose. He left us with enough resources so that we can continue our studies and mentain our standards of living. So long story short i used to have a car all the time and i was studying in beacon-house 6 months after the incidence i started hanging out i made friends and it was during my 12th grade i entered into a physical relationship and i confess i wanted that. The girl was pretty nice at the start but lust ruined everything we had to breakup as fights never ended( we were too immature) we broke-up when i was 20 years old. For two years id dint have a relationship but then again the devil got the better of me and i found a girl who used to wear a hijab and seemed pretty decent. She intrigued me and and we rushed into a relationship.I was absolutely sure about her as i knew she is the one that my family would approve. She turned out to be really materialistic and she was found cheating on me with another guy. This shattered me completely for a month i couldn't study eat or interact with anyone. I didn't see it coming. But with the will of Allah subhan and my mother's prayers i got over it but i was a different guy now. The respect for women seemed to have perished away Being good looking provided me with various opportunities but i rejected them all for at least a year but then again i joined university and fell in love with a pretty girl she was two years younger and surely clever then i was'. I was still a virgin.' Her best friend told me she was not a virgin and i dissaproved it because yes devil got the better of me. I was sincere and didn't touch her for 3 months but then i lost control and we went to a hotel i wasn't thinking at all i was just so into that moment because of her,so i did it with her hence losing my virginity, I knew how big the crime was i knew there is no forgiveness for it but i ended up doing zinna. It kills me because its so hard to stop after you have done it. I used to repent every time. Oh God i wish i ad the rewind button. It lasted for about a year but sex wasnt frequent. i have tears as i write this, She broke up with me and married an elder guy(2014) making me used to it. Its been two years now but it still kills me and has made it difficult for me to control my lust. Today i went out again with another girl and i did everything but zinna.
    I have serious regrets and i have asked for forgiveness everytime but devil gets hold of me eachtime, I have made promises and broken them with Allah. I feel there is no forgiveness for me. I feel that my mind is corrupted and i cant just control my self i stay away for max two years and then fall for it again. I want to be as close to Allah but something tells me i wont be forgiven. I want to change myself completely. I seek help.

    • Selamun Alykum Brother,
      i red your post and i can feel the deep hole you fell in ... first of all you should never loose hope and let the sin grow inside your heart.
      You HAVE to repent and try to not be in any relasionships with any non-mahram woman from now on! Try to find good company that keeps you away from doing stupid things , fiend good brothers that pray 5 times a day and are teaching or learning islam frequently.
      Try to start praying 5 times a day , because Allah says that prayer guaerds from shamefull deeds!.
      That you feel regret and remorse is a sign that you have still good in your heart and that you dont reject Allahs mercy and forgivness , because if you hadnt ... you would just do it and you wouldnt care ... so try to really say much Astagfirullah´s as you can and make Sincere Tauba! I know that tauba is easy but at the same time hard to make because you have to face yoru sins and truly ( without lieng to your self or Allah ) stay away from them with your body mind and heart...
      It takes time to develop takwa and chastity or better to restore what you had but i you can do it ... you can reach a real good state with Allah if you strive for that and really work hard .
      The task of the weight of repentance and seeking complete forgivness from Allah may be difficult for you and hard to carry out but its worth it ...
      Lastly ramadan is comming , try to fast every day and expect only the best from Allah... and let hope that you be one of those lucky ones that find forgivness in this month , which is really easy because ramadan is the month of mercy and forgivness...!

      here some hadtihs i found about sinning from our beloved prophet (sas) :

      Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
      Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

      Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
      Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

      Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
      Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"

      and here a really beatifull ayah in which Allah says ( in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54) :
      "(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere."

      please be stay calm and try to make one step at the time try to gradually improve and act upon what you know is good fro you 😀 !
      May Allah forgive ALL the muslims , the living ones and dead ones 😀 AMIN!

  9. Selamun Alykum dear Sister ,
    Its almost 3 years now that you posted this and i hope that you are fine and well in your state as a muslima 😀 , i wish you forgivness and that Allah protects your dignity and honor both in the community you study in and in your home town, may He gaurd your secret and keep it safe with Him so that you only have to worry about what you did wrong and not about what might happen.
    Al- hamdu lillah , you feel regret and remorse dooing what you did and i belive that Allah will forgive you a 100 % and that you can find a good husband , even if you had a boyfriend. Its true that you have that going for you that you did not do the reat zina , i think he protected you from it and its a great blessing that you are still a virgin!
    I can only say what maybe many told you before , that you should do sincere repentence and regret what you have done even today... say many Istigfars ( Astagfirullah = Allah forgive me / i ask Allah for forgivness for my sins ) , the grammatical clause of itagfirullah is istefala... which indicates something difficult.. in this case you want to clean yourselfe from that boy and the deeds and get back what is covered now ( or was covered ) in zina ...but even if its not so easy to get back where you where before its still really doable ... you can even get a better Muslima then you where before , trust me .
    Somtimes you sin so that Allah can take you to paradise thru this sin , because a child of Adam ( as.) can do a mistake , but because of his regret thru his / her whole life Allah gives that person not only his forgiveness and rahma , He also lets this person enter his jannah. He loves those who " clean them selves and make often tauba" and he is the one who " forgives the sins and accats the tauba .." so please dont be in doubt about his mercy and forgivness.

    Here some nasiha i gave to the brother above , pray 5 times a day ... learn how to do it and surround yourself with sisters that gaurd their chastity with their life... it will make it easy on you to never fall back again .
    make much istigfar and tauba and stay away from this dude as much as possible .
    make dua and try to learn more about Allah and his Massanger (sas)!
    here are some Hadith and a verse from the quran for you .
    I will make dua that Allah forgives you and helps you to get on and find a good husband !

    saty calm and be patient , dont stop making good deeds and give yourself a chance for forgivness .. ah and lower your gace try not to look twice at man ... 😀

    Selamun Alykum sister!

    Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
    Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

    Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
    Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

    Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2339 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
    Allah's Messenger (saws) said that the Shaytaan said, "By Thy Might, my Lord, I shall continue to lead Thy servants astray as long as their spirits are in their bodies!" The Lord, Who is Great and Glorious, replied, "By My Might, Glory and Exalted Station, I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask My forgiveness!"

    and here a really beatifull ayah in which Allah says ( in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54) :
    "(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere."

  10. Can someone help me with my problem. Advice me what to do. This bothers me everytime I think of repenting to Allah. I have this Haram relationship with the man I loved. We loved each other that cause as to do things that is also forbidden, intercourse. I can't help but to cry everytime I read about some articles or when I go to islamic seminar regarding haram relationship that we have to stop this kind of sin and put trust to Allah and start making tawbah and leave him. But how can I make tawbah if I cant help but to think that does leaving him is the right to do especially he wants to marry me someday when he got a stable life/work , I am thinking If I leave him right away would someone will marry me in the future even Im not virgin anymore ? What I really want is, yes we make haram relationship and I want the two of us together to repent to Allah for what we did. Is that okay if I did that? Would our marriage life will be a bad luck? Because I dont want to leave him and marrying another man ( in halal ways ) i dont want another man to touch me again ( honeymoon ). This bothers me a lot and I am really ashamed of this 🙁

    • Ranna, as-salamu alaykum. If you truly want to repent from your sin then you must terminate contact with this man. Later, if he wants to marry you, let him marry you properly. The marriage would not be cursed or bad luck or any such thing. But until that time you must break off your contact with him in order to stop committing sins.

      You say that you love him and want to marry him. But does he feel the same? Are you sure he is not just using you for sex? If that's the case then when you end your relationship with him he will simply go find another woman. But it's better to know now rather than later.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

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