Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I used to do zina but intend to repent

Repentance

Ah Allah, I turn to You!

First, I want to say that this is a question that maybe graphic and is embarrassing a bit for me type up on here for other muslims to read. I would prefer if women didn't read this

But..it is as it is

Me, being in a state of callousness and ignorance thinking that zina is not unforgivable (to be honest, I was just kind of uncaring and just wanted to satisfy my carnal desires/curiosity). Anyway, I visited a prostitute twice, the first time after which I felt shameful, having lost my virginity that way, and I went on for 1 month or two before I went on to another.

And I dont even know if this has to be even mentioned but I also entered an adult club before both incidents.

Weeks later after the last incident, my cousin was at my house, and zina came up, and he told me that it was an unforgivable sin and that if anyone had committed it who is a Muslim is likely not going to be forgiven. This shocked me, and I was scared.

Anyway, slowly and slowly, I started becoming more consistent with my salat and doing better, a little, with my deen. I still have urges and have always had while feeling shame and disgust at my lack of self-control. I even rationalized it to be right and wrong to force myself to not satisfy them.

But I know it is wrong, unproductive, and even shameful/disgusting to do such acts, whether it be masturbation or zina, but I feel as though sometimes that I have a horrible time controlling myself and get irritated/stressed when I control myself sometimes. Any suggestions. I have read up on sexual transmutation (harnessing sexual tension into fuel/energy for other activity) but I seem to be stupid at it.

Jazaks and thanks for the help brothers and sisters

~ Salah917


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6 Responses »

  1. salam,
    It is a good thing that you have realised your mistakes and intend to repent. There is nothing that Allah can not forgive. You should repent sincerely and dont go back to commiting the sin. It is always test and you can go past it, just mend your ways.

    Salams.

  2. Brother,

    To err is human, to forgive is divine. Seek forgiveness with Allah for your transgressions. I am happy to hear that you are trying to turn your life around and stay away from unlawful things.

    One thing I want to point out to you that you may not have even considered is this; when you sleep with a prostitute, you are sleeping with everyone she has slept with and everyone that they have slept with. It goes on and on but you get my point. Get yourself into a doctor and get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases. Don't delay yourself either...Aids is no joke.

    Salam

  3. Assalam'alaykum,

    Good that you are now aware of the grave sins you've committed.
    Allah indeed guides whom He wishes. Know that, pre-marital relationships are forbidden in Islam. Sex outside marriage is prohibited. This is a grave sin.

    Allah says in the Holy Quran

    "Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!" (17:32)

    "Those who invoke not, with Allah, any other god, nor slay such life as Allah has made sacred, except for just cause, not commit fornication― and any that does this (not only) meets punishment (But) the Penalty on the Day of Judgment will be doubled to him, and he will dwell there in inignominy " ( 25:68).

    "The woman and the man guilty of ‘zina’ (fornication) flog each of them with a hundred stripes : let not compassion move you in their case in a matter prescribed by Allah if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment". (24:2)

    This is how grave the sin is.

    "Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their private part, that is purer for them. Allah is all aware of what you do " (24:30)

    Secondly, Allah will forgive you if you sincerely repent. Which means to ask for his forgiveness sincerely and make sure you never do the sin again and avoid all things that lead to it. you must ask Allah for true forgiveness and do not despair of his mercy;

    "Say: 'O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah : for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.'" (Az-Zumar: 53)

    "And whoever does evil, or wrongs his own soul, but afterwards seeks Allah’s forgiveness, will find Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate."
    (Qur’an 4:110)

    "And seek forgiveness of Allah; surely Allah is Forgiving, Compassionate."
    (Qur’an 73:20)

    Sincere repentance, however, is not simply saying, “O Allah, forgive me ”. Sincere repentance involves feeling a deep sense of remorse for disobeying Allah and for the terrible despicable sins you have committed . Secondly, you should totally refrain from approaching that sin as well as from such associations and circumstances that may lead you to it; thirdly, you must be resolved never to repeat the same in the future, and finally, you must also do whatever you can to wipe out the past sins by engaging in good works as much as possible.

    Below are few duas,

    "Rabbanāgh-fir Lanā Dhunūbanā Wa ‘IsrāfanāFī Amrinā Wa Thabbit ‘Aqdāmanā Wanşurnā `Alá l-Qawmi l-Kāfirīn"

    (Our Lord! forgive us for our sins and wastedefforts, make our foothold sure, and give us victory over the disbelieving folk). (Qur’an 3:147)

    "Rabbigh-fir Warĥam Wa Anta Khayrur-Rāĥimīn"
    (My Lord! Forgive and have mercy, for Thou art Best of all who show mercy). (Qur’an 23:118)

    "Rabbanā Žalamnā Anfusanā Wa ‘In Lam Taghfir Lanā Wa Tarĥamnā Lanakūnanna Mina l-Khāsirīn"
    (Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves. If thou forgive us not and have not mercy on us, surely we are of the lost!) (Qur’an 7:23)

    "Allahumma aghnini bi halalika an haramika wa bi ta atika an ma siyatika wa bi fadhlika `amman siwaka"
    (O Allah , grant me sufficiency in what You have made halal for me so that I do not need to turn to what You have made haram; and make me self-sufficient with Your obedience so that I am not compelled to disobey You; and make me self-sufficient with Your favor so that I don’t need to turn to favor of others). Qur'an 24:30

    Pray your 5 daily prayers. Be dutifull to Allah and fear Him. If you're able to marry then go ahead. Fast always to avoid temptations. Stay away from places that leads to it, be it tv, magazines etc. Get yourself tested.

    May Allah forgive you and guide you. Ameen.

  4. Everyones makes mistake we are human, and if we want to be good and die as a Muslim then we really need to tawba sincerely and Beg Allah's forgiveness. It's good to realize our mistake sooner rather then later. Turn to Allah brother take this like Allah gave you chance to become a good person. Ask Allah's forgiveness, Allah is there to forgive us it's us make it delay. 

  5. Allah Subhanatallah is oft forgiving, he loves his servents repent sincerely from your heart and never go back to those sins again
    In Shaa Allah everythng will be fine

    May Allah Subhanathaallah bless whole umaathi MUhammad saw
    Ameen ya Rabal alameen ya Allah

  6. Assalamu Alaikum Warahmathullahi Wabarakathuhu.

    Dear Brother,

    Please Immediately start with your 05 time prayers which is our duty. Pray & thank Allah for giving us the hidaya in realising our faults. Do not delay. Do not delay. Do not delay. Repent sincerely. Start reciting the Quran & start to read & understand the translation in your own language so you can understand. If you do not know arabic start learning it.

    Allah is the most forgiving. He is our only hope. We should sincerely repent & and truly belive that he will forgive. Fear Allah & Keep Hope only in Him.

    "O you who have believed, fear Allah as He should be feared and do not die except as Muslims" [in submission to Him].

    (Ali- Imran: 102)

    ALLAH is our only Hope. Not the docters, not the scholers. Scholers may show us the places for the information but Allah only can guide us. Allah is our only Hope & he is the most forgiving. Start praying Tahajjath at the middle of the night.

    Always ask Tawbah from Allah. He gave us every thing, But we didnt thank him & follow his orders. But again he bring us back to the light by making us to think what we did is wrong. How Merciful Allah is. Subhanallah. Do not delay Brother. Allah is the most forgiving. Get back to sincere repentence. In Shaa Allah he will give us hidaya & forgive all our sins.

    Do not let Shaithan take over your desires. Keep him SHUT. Talk to your self, your mind, your heart. your soul. Do not think twice. We do not have an option. This is the one & only way out. ALLAH is our only HOPE.

    Stop all the shaitanic accesses. Can be your phone, TV, Internet, Friends, u name it... Completely STOP them. Start making more of your free time every your day for Allah. If you are very busy with things kill some of your worldly duties & make time to thank Allah. Every day try to do more Dhikr. Do as much as good deeds as possible. Brother do not delay the Repentance. Shaithan will try to make us delay the Repentance by making us think lets repent tomorrow, day after, next week, etc....but you will never know when is your schedule to depart from this world. Can be this second. Only Allah knows this. Do not delay sincere repentence. Fight with your heart, fight with your mind.

    Allah is the most forgiving. Read his Al- Quran. Try to understand it. And always thank Allah.

    Read & understand who ALLAH is. We all know Allah is our GOD. He is One & Only. These we learnt from our parents, schools, etc... but Please spend time & Really read and understand Who is Allah from very Authentic Sources ( Al-Quran, Hadees ). While praying Whom are we standing in front of. What Authority he has. Subhanallah. Allahu Akbar. If we realize this our trust in Allah will be on different levels which are unimaginable. Ya Allah, Guide us in the correct path & protect us from Shaithan.

    Please read about Jannah, What Allah has prepared for his Pious Slaves in Aakhira. When you realize it you will understand what temporary life we are living in.

    Following are some of the information which touched my heart & thaught it will help you too. Allah knows the best.

    Narrated Abu Huraira (May Allah be Pleased with him): Allah's Apostle (Sall-Allaahu ‘Alayhe Wa Sallam) said,
    "Allah said, "I have prepared for My Pious slaves things which have never been seen by an eye, or heard by an ear, or imagined by a human being."[Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book # 54(Beginning of Creations), Hadith #467]

    ‘Whosoever chooses to follow guidance, follows it for his own good; whosoever goes astray, goes astray to his own loss.’
    (al-Isra’ 17: 15)

    "The best amongst you is he who learns the Qur'an and teaches it." (Bukhari, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

    Reported by Jabir (RA): The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, "For him who says: `Subhan-Allahi wa bi hamdihi (Allah is free from imperfection, and I begin with praising Him, and to Him),' a palm-tree will be planted in Jannah.'' [Tirmidhi]

    "As to those who reject faith, I will punish them with terrible agony in this world and in the Hereafter, nor will they have anyone to help."

    Qur'an (3:56)

    Competition in [worldly] increase diverts you until you visit the graveyards. (Surat At-Takāthur, 102:1-2)

    Allah has promised those who believe and do righteous deeds [that] for them there is forgiveness and great reward.
    But those who disbelieve and deny Our signs - those are the companions of Hellfire. (Holy Qur'an Ch.5 V.9-10)

    ‘Will they not, then, try to understand this Qur’an?
    Had it come from anyone other than God, they would have found in it many an inner contradiction.’
    (al-Nisa 4:82)

    Allah wants to make clear to you [the lawful from the unlawful] and guide you to the [good] practices of those before you and to accept your repentance. And Allah is Knowing and Wise. (Surat An-Nisā', 4:26)

    The repentance accepted by Allah is only for those who do wrong in ignorance [or carelessness] and then repent soon after. It is those to whom Allah will turn in forgiveness, and Allah is ever Knowing and Wise. (Surat An-Nisā', 4:17)

    The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, “The worshipper of the dirham will always be miserable,” and Allaah said in the Qur’aan,
    “Have you not seen the one who takes his desires as his god?” Soorah al-Furqaan, (25):43.

    "Put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed." (5:23)

    "O you who have believed, do not
    follow the footsteps of Satan. And
    whoever follows the footsteps of
    Satan - indeed, he enjoins immorality
    and wrongdoing."
    "And if not for the favor of Allah
    upon you and His mercy, not one of
    you would have been pure, ever, but
    Allah purifies whom He wills, and
    Allah is Hearing and Knowing."
    [ An-noor : 21 ]

    Reported by Suhaib (RA): The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, "When the inhabitants of Jannah enter Jannah, Allah, the Glorious and Exalted, will say to them: `Do you wish me to give you anything more?' They will reply: `Have You not made our faces bright? Have You not brought us into Jannah and delivered us from the Hell?' And Allah will remove the Veil. The (dwellers of Jannah) will feel that they have not been awarded anything dearer to them than looking at their Rubb.'' [Muslim].

    Believers do not compromise the basic commandments of God in order to attain some limited measure of material success. They are principled individuals, sticking by their beliefs and practices regardless of how odd they may seem or how lonely and isolated the society may make them. Allaah said, “Say, Not equal are the evil and the good, although the abundance of evil might impress you. So fear Allah, O you of understanding, that you may be successful” (5):100.

    "In humankind’s disobedience and turning back to God in repentance, the divine attributes of total forgiveness and infinite mercy become manifest. The final Prophet (pbuh) informed his followers of this reality saying, “If you did not commit sins and turn to Allaah seeking His forgiveness, He would have replaced you with another people who would sin, ask Allaah’s forgiveness and He would forgive t
    hem.” Every one of the 114 chapters of the final revelation, except one, begins with the prayer, “In the name of Allaah, the Beneficient the Most Merciful.” Allaah’s attributes of mercy and forgiveness are stressed to encourage humans not to fall into despair. No matter how great the sins of human beings may be, God can forgive them if man turns back to Him in sincere repentance. The Messenger (pbuh) was quoted as saying, “When Allaah created the universe, He made an obligation on Himself [recorded] in a document kept by Him: My mercy precedes my wrath.” "
    (Taken from the book THE PURPOSE OF CREATION by Dr. A.A.B. Philips, Chapter One, Why Did God Create?)

    Remembrance of Allaah is stressed because sin is generally committed when Allaah is forgotten-Dr.Bilal Philips

    "If, when we listen to the Quran, we don't find this reaction of tears coming to our eyes, then we should make ourselves cry." Dr. Bilal Philips

    Don't take someone's silence as his pride, perhaps he is busy fighting with himself."
    {Ali ibn Abi Taalib radiyAllahu'anhu}

    I am not sure of the authenticity of this hadees but its impressive.

    The Prophet (peace be upon him) utilized every opportunity presented to him to emphasize Allaah’s mercy, because its vastness is really incomprehensible. Divine attributes are in essence unknowable as in essence Allaah is unknowable. Hence, all descriptions are only finite approximations designed to help a finite mind in its ponderings about the infinite. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (RA) reported that on one
    occasion there was a woman searching for someone among the prisoners of war who were brought to the Prophet (peace be upon him) .When she found a child among the prisoners, she took it and pressed it against her breast for it to suckle. At that point the Prophet (peace be upon him) turned to his companions and said, “Do you think this woman would ever allow her child to be thrown into a fire?” They replied, “By Allaah, so far as it lies in her power, she would never throw the child into a fire.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) then said, “Allaah is kinder to His servants than this woman is to her child.”

    Had Allaah wished, He could have created mankind like angels, incapable of committing sin. However, that was not His wish as He had already created angels. Human beings were created capable of making mistakes and when they realize their errors and seek God’s forgiveness, the divine attributes of mercy and forgiveness become manifest.
    -Billal Philips

    Love of Allaah is not something inborn, it is something acquired, which is why there is such a great reward for it. Its foundation is correct knowledge of Allaah and His attributes and its structure is sincerity in application of that knowledge. When you are praying pray sincerely. Please watch these videos alone & think. These videos touched my heart and assisted me in normalising myself. But All these are secondary options. First & formost Salah, Al Quran & Sunnah.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8TFHiqdL4A&feature=player_embedded&noredirect=1

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9Ri9B4wFmg0

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=itPD79z5Iks

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mHkpQMfPtBI

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=18A7Pqt_RKU

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=1ueBZj8FHQo

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=YkhVi0fENkw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MUpUzIIZ9RI

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=eEv4UsTYlrg

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=NaWnII-PIUQ#!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=lMITZtKt1dA

    "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH)said: 'Whoever relieves a Muslim of some worldly distress, Allah will relieve him of some of the distress of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him (his faults)
    in this world and the Day of Resurrection. And whoever relieves the burden from a destitute person, Allah will relieve him in this world and the next. Allah will help His slave so long as His slave helps his brother. Whoever follows a path in pursuit of knowledge, Allah will make easy for him a path to paradise. No people gather in one of the houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and teaching it to one another, but the angels will surround them, tranquility will descend upon them, mercy will envelop them and Allah will mention them to those who are with Him. And whoever is hindered because of his bad deeds, his lineage will be of no avail to him.'" (Sahih) Sunan Ibn Majah

    Every Muslim is obliged to know enough of Islaam to guide him or her in their day-to-day lives and they should always try to improve on that knowledge by reading books or sitting in circles of learning. The Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم made that clear in his well known statements, like, “Seeking knowledge is obligatory on every Muslim.”

    Please make use of this too.
    Learn praying salah here: http://www.howdoipray.com

    Again Brother: Do not loose hope. Allah is the Most Merciful & the Most Forgiving. Do sincere repentance & always thanks ALLAH.

    May Allah forgive our sins & guide us in the straight path.

    Wassalam,
    A Brother in Islam

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