Islamic marriage advice and family advice

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icy thorn

Salma sisters and brothers, I need help and advice.

I feel lost. I feel lonely and I like I lost myself. So much has happen to me in the last year and it has been very hard. I don't know even where to start.

Well before I got engaged which was about 3 years ago I was talking to another guy who I loved but we had deep feelings to one another but we both knew it would never work out bcuz I'm muslim and he is not but we are from the same country oversea. We kept it friendship for over 8 years and I was in love with him that whole time.

Once I got engaged me and this guy never talk and other drama happened in between! So allah closed that door and I was engaged to an okay guy who was my cousin.

Along the way of being engaged I was suppose to get married within one year of my engagement but his family was not good for me do I kept pushing the wedding and it was a lot of drama. my x husband family would not give me a proper engagement party and let along a ring or money which is in my tradition. I never ask for gold which every girl does in my culture but since he was family I didn't want him to go buy.

I wanted to end my engagement but my mom and dad kept pushing me and would not allow it they kept saying it's our reputation.

So about an year and a half into my engagement I got a nice party with family and friends. My family ending up paying for half the stuff too which in my tradition is not suppose to happen but they wanted me happy.

After a couple of month from that time it was my wedding coming up. I don't know what his family problem is but along the way they would start drama like the day before my wedding is my henna night And his sisters were upsetting me for no reason.

There was just so much drama and on my wedding date there was drama too during the cake ceremony there was argument I was so upset. Allah has showed so many signs to my parents but they still didn't care and pushed me to Marry him.

Than about one months into my marriage there was drama. My x husband was verbally abused me. He call me stupid and yelled at me. He scared me from my dreams. He said that I was stupid and to not touch his clothes when his mom hide his work shirt from him not me. He told me he was going to get another wife and this was just two month into our marriage.

He never once took me out beside the day after our wedding. I told him to take me out and he said no and only if I spend my money. Which I'm a student and don't have money like him.

He was not good for me in general. He would smoke weed and do drugs and come home. I didn't like.

Anyhow the end of the two month he started to tell bad fake gossip about me which wasn't true and it was very bAd he said to his mom that I wasnt a virgin pretty much. Which is a big lie.

Than after all tbat drama my parents finally told me to come home for good. Now I'm happy im home but now I feel depressed. I gained weight and oerly doing bad. I had to drop school for a term bccuz I didn't do good my mind was somewhere else.allAh closed this door now what do I do?

The first time I loved a guy ash closed it and I can know why bcuz it harma. This time I got married to the right guy and it was not love marriage but it ended very bad. Now what do I do with my life? I don't know what happened and why has all this happened,?

Why did my marriage end ? How do moves and will my reputation be bad? I feel like I'm the talk of the city (which iam)

Will allah shows that this family is bad and they are lying? What is going to happen to me I feel like I can never get married now in the future bcuz I feel like the same thing is going to happen.

I just want to focus on my education now but I can't even do that I don't know what happen to my brain. Am I stupid now?

Prettyface

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2 Responses »

  1. Sister,

    Get back in school and finish your education. May Allah give you the strength and courage to pick yourself up and move onward to better and brighter days ahead. Allah hu alem.

    Salam

  2. Assalamualaikum sister.....I.read your post and i understand the situation you are in. I also been though hell with my married life. I also got married to my cousin despite the fact that I didn't love him aand had a lot of problems because of my mother in law....who constantly verbally abused me and insulted me. My husband was not supportive and only treated me as though i was meant to be a maid of the house, he never took me out much and I was very depressed in his home. During this time I also got pregnant and wanted to go back to my parents home because my in laws continued to fight me. The problem got so bad that I decided to stay back for my pregnancy for the entire 9 months and return only after birth of my baby. But my in laws were opposed to it and they treated me very badly. I left home to my parents place anyway (my parents were in the US and my in laws were from India). During my stay at my parents place....my husband decided to divorce me if I don't return. I was very disturbed and had no choice but to return. Because i had stayed back at my parents place without his consent, I also went through a hell of a time with bad reputation.....people said bad things about me and my parents...despite me being a victim. I didn't want to suffer bad reputation.....therefore I returned and faced the atrocities.

    My advice to you is to be patient....people will talk no matter what....eventually they will get over it....it's your life not theirs. But do the right thing...
    .do istikhara and if it's right for you to be apart from your husband....it will happen. But if it's not...then your husband would himself take you back....it's really a matter of time. In sha Allah Allah will make things alright.

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