Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Respecting wife’s family

Aoa.

I am married to my husband for last 1 year. We have a son who is 3 months old MashaAllah.

The problem is that my husband does not respect my family. His attitude is very depressing. He says very bad words about my parents and sisters. Also he does not want me and my son to visit my parents. Let me mention here that I have no brother. We sisters are all that our parents have.

 

Kindly tell me what should I do? What are islamic rulings about this matter. And please mention a dua to recite which would help to soften my husband's heart.

ali.sara100

Advertisements

Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Bismillah
    In my OPINION i would recommend that you listen to your husband and respect his wishes for time being. InshAllah it will get better for you, just keep praying and ask Allah for help and forgiveness all the time and Allah will soften his heart towards your family. Your husband is your priority now. You have a family of your own to run you shouldn't need to look back. I do understand that you lived with your family your whole life and they are your life, but in due time you guys will be one again.

    • Would you say the same thing if it was YOUR wife disrespecting YOUR family? I'm pretty sure if your wife said bad things about your family you'd be angry. Also how would you feel if your wife said to you "don't visit your family".

      Your advice, while maybe with good intentions, is not practical.

  2. If he has a problem with your family then that's his problem. But he should not stop you from seeing your parents.

    @ Ali- How can you tell her to respect her husband's wishes, when he is not allowing her to have relationship with her parents. She just gave a birth to a 3 month old, and feels like to take her bundle of joy to see the grandparents. Your response sound like a old school Desi (South Asian) mentality. Once a girl gets married she belongs to her husband and his family, her own immediate family will have to be out of touch. This cultural attitude comes from Hinduism and mixed with Islam.

    @ali.sara100- Talk to your husband and see if you can reason with him. Get your father or any other elders to get involve. You have ever right to see your parents and sisters. This man cannot break your relationship with your family.

  3. Why doe he dislikes your family so much? You didn't explain the details.

  4. Tami: How can you tell her to respect her husband's wishes, when he is not allowing her to have relationship with her parents. She just gave a birth to a 3 month old, and feels like to take her bundle of joy to see the grandparents. Your response sound like a old school Desi (South Asian) mentality. Once a girl gets married she belongs to her husband and his family, her own immediate family will have to be out of touch. This cultural attitude comes from Hinduism and mixed with Islam.

    Are you saying Hindus don't let their wives visit their parents? Where did you get this information ".a old school Desi (South Asian) mentality. Once a girl gets married she belongs to her husband and his family, her own immediate family will have to be out of touch"? I never knew that. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

    • Yes, you have to live with in laws as it's part of the marriage practice- serve them, cook, clean, asking permission to go out or do anything. Its the sexist society. The men have no duties. Bollywood movies doesn't show you the reality.

  5. Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among the Muslims. Upholding the ties of kinship is a duty because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…” [al-Nisa’ 4:1]

    “And give to the kindred his due and to the miskeen (poor)…” [al-Isra’ 17:26]

    Allaah has warned us against cutting the ties of kinship (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allaah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” [al-Ra’d 13:25]

    What punishment could be worse than the curse and the evil home that awaits those who sever the ties of kinship ? They deny themselves the reward for upholding the ties of kinship in the Hereafter, in addition to denying themselves much good in this world, which is a long life and ample provision. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5986 and Muslim, 2557). Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Allaah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (al-rahm) stood up and said, “This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allaah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” It said, “Of course.” Allaah said, “Then your prayer in granted.”’” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Recite, if you wish (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.’ [Muhammad 47:22-23].” (Saheeh Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 16/112).

    So her parents and family are her kin as well, how does the husband have the right to prohibit her from visting her family? as long as her visits are not excessive and disturbing her from her responsibility towards her growing family.

Leave a Response