Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Are there any risks of Shia-Sunni Marriages?

Shia and Sunni Marriage


I am a male Sunni Muslim, i live in france. I recently visited my county of origin. My parents wanted be to get wed, so we visited a few families. I saw a few females but none of them really caught my eye. But i was out shopping and i saw this pretty girl, that i liked physically. So i investigated and asked my parents to approch her, they went to her house and found out she is from a Shia family.

Now i am just wondering if there are going to be any issues in the future, it i marry her.

Honestly, i dont really care if she is Shia, Christian, or Jewish. All i am looking for is a human being that i can be happy with all my life. I have a very strong muslim belief, but not very practising. (i go to the mosque every friday for Jummah prayer). I am a do gooder at heart and belive in not hurting any ones feelings.

Now, i have not been in relationships and dont know if this is a good idea. I am not planning to force the kids to be Sunni or Shia. Will this work out, are there any stats of succesful Suni-Shia marriages. Are there any risks? Are there questions i should ask their family before commiting.  Are there things i should know?

Thank you for your support

Please advise.

~ flat

Tagged as: , , , ,

21 Responses »

  1. As Salamu'alaikum,

    I found the following fatwa which I could agree with:

    Question: I have spoken to a lot of people regarding this issue please be so kind to give me the right advice. Basically please tell me the difference between Sunni and shi’a. Myself am sunni follow the Hanafi fiqh, however to cut along story short I met this guy he was shia. He proposed and then obviously I was faced with all these issues? I would just like to know your understanding of sunni shia marriages and the major differences. I have actually declined but I still need reassurance. I have read your webpage and am in agreement with all you say that’s why I think you will not give me a biased view and maybe just reassure me that my decision was right!

    Answer: In the Name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

    The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) himself explained that the primary consideration in choosing a spouse should be their Deen.

    In a Hadith recorded by many Hadith scholars, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said:

    "A woman is married for four reasons, her wealth, lineage, status and Deen. Choose the one who is religious." (Sahih al-Bukhari)

    This also applies to women, in that a man is married for four reasons.

    "Deen" is a very comprehensive word. It does not only mean praying and fasting. Rather, it relates to one's entire conduct of life.

    Therefore, it covers:

    1 Belief (Aqidah)
    2 Outward worship (Ibadaat)
    3 Good character and manners (Akhlaq)
    4 Good dealings with others (Mu'amalaat)
    5 Turning to Allah in all affairs (Suluk)

    Therefore, the first and foremost thing that should be considered before marrying someone is their religious belief and conduct of life.

    With regards to marrying a Shi'a man, firstly, it should be understood that there are two types of Shi'as.

    a) Those who hold beliefs that constitute disbelief (kufr), such as having the belief that the Qur'an has been altered, Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) is God, the angel Jibril made an error in descending with the revelation on the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) rather than Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him), accusing Sayyida Ai'isha (Allah be pleased with her) of committing adultery or denying the Companionship (suhba) of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him).

    The great Hanafi jurist, Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) states:

    "There is no doubt in the disbelief (kufr) of those that falsely accuse Sayyida Ai'isha (Allah be pleased with her) of adultery, deny the Companionship of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr ( Allah be pleased with him), believe that sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) was God or that the angel Jibril by mistake descended with the revelation (wahi) on the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give peace), etc... which is apparent Kufr and contrary to the teachings of the Qur'an." (Radd al-Muhtar, 4/453)

    Therefore, Shi'as who hold such beliefs are without doubt out of the fold of Islam.

    b) Those who do not hold beliefs that constitute Kufr, such as believing that Sayyiduna Ali (Allah be pleased with him) was the rightful first Caliph after the demise of the Messenger of Allah, belief in the twelve Imams, etc...

    Such Shi'as cannot be termed as out of the fold of Islam, rather they are considered to be severely deviated and transgressors (fisq).

    Imam Ibn Abidin states:

    "It is difficult to make a general statement and judge all the Shi'as to be non-believers, for the scholars have agreed on the deviation and defection of the deviated sects." (ibid)

    It should be remarked here that some members of the Shi'a community display outwardly not to have believes that constitute Kufr, but keep these beliefs in their heart, which they call Taqiyya.

    The case with such people is that if they did hold beliefs that constitute Kufr in their heart but outwardly denied them, then even though according to Allah and in the hereafter they will be regarded as non-Muslims, but we will judge them according to their outward statements and actions.

    The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to have said: "I have been ordered to judge people according to their outward condition."

    Keeping the above in mind, it becomes clear that marrying Shi'as that are not considered Muslims is out of the question. If one was to marry such a person, the marriage (nikah) would be invalid.

    Shi'as that are not considered to be out of the fold of Islam are still regarded to be severely deviated, thus marriage with them also should never be considered, although the Nikah will be valid. This becomes more important when the case is of a Sunni Muslim girl marrying a Shi'a boy, as the affect this can have on the wife and children may be detrimental.

    In conclusion, the decision you made not to marry a Shi'a boy is correct indeed. It could have long term damages with regards to your beliefs and your children's beliefs. There are many Sunni practising pious brothers you could get married to. May Allah bless you with a pious and caring husband.

    And Allah Knows Best
    [Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
    Darul Iftaa
    Leicester , UK
    (Source: central mosque)

    Brother, I have seen such marriages, and I see that they have failed miserably. I suggest you to look for another girl who follows the Sunnah. I also urge you to learn the Deen, as much as possible, and practice it, as this life is a temporary one. The Final Abode is in the Hereafter and we will all HAVE TO Meet Allah One Day.

    May Allah Guide us all

    Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • sorry i disagree
      Islam says "WALA TAFARRAQOO" and if you reject any girl or boy because of sect "Firqa"
      then you are not listning to Holly Quran. there is no any reason in islam to not to marry any ahl e kitaab
      quran says merry a girl from the people of book.... mean christian and jews. . if people of Bible and people of Toraat or Zaboor are halaal for marrage then why not people of Holy Quran.

      • Brother please go into detail of this ayat. A muslim man can marry a muslim woman or any chaste(virgin) Christian/Jewish woman who have holy book.
        Shia on the other hands have different sub classes and their faith n even kalma is different.

  2. i feel our brother here is looking for physical beuty in a woman he would want to marry which is why girls he saw before couldnt catch his eye and he wants to marry this girl only because shes pretty.shouldnt he be advised to consider a girls deen and morals more than her beauty? and as seen in most cases all men want pretty wives then where will all others girls go (who are not pretty) ? isnt it wrong to reject a girl because shes not as beutiful or if she is physically not very appealing?

    • I agree...

      Muhammad Waseem Editor

    • Mam beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder we can never say this word that he/she is wrong ... i have seen britisher gettin married to black women its the eye that catches the beauty inner and outer both .

      • You can marry her. But explain Islam to her in a simple way.
        Point out the key differences ie shirk ect I used to be ismaili myself
        and married a muslim. I wasn't really believing in the Ismaili religion at that stage but
        Am now confused as to state of our nikah. I think the woman has to have basic belief in Islam
        Perhaps shahada. Find out this key point. If she loves you and is sensible she will follow Islam In shaa Allah.
        If not then I advise putting off marriage till she does . If not then find another girl.
        If my husband had followed my advice he wud not have married me and now we have children.
        But I feel it is correct advise. Find out clearly if you can marry while she ismaili. I don't think so looking.
        At Quran verses. Ask imam. What is minimum she needs to do for nikah to be valid. That is the most imp.
        Follow religion above everything

    • Slms I just wanted to is it permissible for Sunni to marry Ismaili there is this on Ismaili girl which I really love and I’m always thinking about her

  3. but isnt it wrong to reject somebody because they arent as beautiful? i know a cousin who hasnt got any proposal yet .its been 4 years random ladies come to see her for der sons and sometimes sons also see her and they reject her because of her physical appearance .shes become so harsh about this whole situation dat now whenevr anyone comes to see her she gets very upset upto the level that she gets offended .iv always seen her complaining and she also once said that if i din have this problem in my facial appearance they wouldnt have rejected me .i feel so bad for her and all other girls who are rejected only because they arent as beautiful .nobody sees there deen morals and inside beauty .its so disappointing ..and just because some girl u see while shopping is jst so attractive that despite knowing she belongs to a different sect and dat it might create problems later u still consider marrying her.i know islam gives us liberty to find someone who we find attractive enough but then my question is that where will all these other girls go what do they feel when they know somebody rejected them because they arent very pretty 🙁 will they not marry good looking ,educated wealthy men just because thet arent pretty... its very disappointing.i sometimes feel realy bad when i see some women around me unmarried because nobody wanted to marry them as they werent pretty ! this is how it works everywhere i know but i feel this isnt fair to those who havent been blessed with as much external beauty as others are.probably its not the same in all parts of world but where i live people consider beauty as the basic element for selecting a girl .the more beautiful the more likely u r to get a better husband! people dont like dark women here mothers of boys simply reject girls because they arent fair ..they want fair daughter in laws .i dont get how fair color and attractive features relate to a good wife .really! i know my comments veyr long and probably drifted away from the topic but i felt really bad when i read how our fellow brother said no girl could catch his eye thats y he din marry them and then 1 very pretty girl catches his eye .. very immature shallow sorry i donot want to offend anybody but i feel vry bad for girls who arent as u should also consider women who probably dont catch ur eye but are good in character this way with a pious woman u might get more closer to Allah and Allah might reward u with something big for giving up ur desire for a pretty wife and accepting an average looking girl and also keeping her happy all ur life

  4. Well said Soha....

    How come something that will not last forvere be a first priority for most people. Beauty doesnt last and it doesnt bring happiness either if that's what people choose beauty for.

    Brother, If Allah, His Messenger and His Religion is your main priority in this life and in the hearafter, then marry a women that gives them Respect and values them as much and will definately teaches your kids and rises them under the banner of Islam.....

    Deep down, you know you are doing wrong for choosing this sister but you couldn't hold it back because of your temptation but to ask the question above,,, is that how weak you really are?

    not only this sister but anysister you find, pray istikhara.... don't rush into marriages, make sure you marry the one without questions in y our mind..

    I pray that Allah gives you and many like you that are looking for a wife a rightous women, very kind, full of mercy and one that will love you and you love as well.

  5. salaam,

    i personally believe that there should not be anything to divide the muslims and therefore i am just a muslim as if you were to ask the prophet what was he he was just a muslim not a shia sunni etc. just a muslim so go ahead nd then explain this and hope it goes well inshallah.

  6. salam,

    i'll come straight to the point; i'm a living example of shia sunni marriage ; me being a sunni. i'll tell u very candidly that it's a very difficult affair to be married in a different sect; especially once it comes to your kids; will it be ok with you if your wife takes your kids to majlis in muharram and tell them to cry and beat themselves up??????? ........ afterall, she's a believer of this act and would like her kids to follow as she is THE MOTHER. i think you should drop this idea as it's just an infatuation phase and not a true and blind love situation.

    more so, i don't think that her parents would agree; in my opinion, shia's should marry shia'a and sunni's should marry sunni's for a smooth sailing of your happy matrimonial life;

  7. Salams to all. I have recently found this website and I liked the way some of you advice our fellow brothers and sisters, however I must admit I was very disapointed reading some of your comments regarding SHIA's.. I am a Shia girl and I was not happy to read that my fellow muslim brothers and sisters judge us as ''NON-MUSLIMS'.. If I may ask,who are you people to judge us? Only Allah can judge us, how can you go around concluding on your fellow muslims that they are NON-MUSLIMS coz of some false information you saw or heard from other people?

    I was raised believing there is one God who is ALLAH and one messenger who is prophet Mohammad and imam ALI is the Khalifa after him.. Shazia, how can u say '' will it be ok with you if your wife takes your kids to majlis in muharram and tell them to cry and beat themselves up??????? .......'' Do u even know what we morn for? Its called Ahura, we morn for the prophets grandkids who were denied water and brutally killed.. How can u not morn for your prophets grand kids? They are part of the AHLU BAIT(family of the prophet)..just coz u saw on tv where some shia beat up themselves then u conclude all shias are like that? I am very disappointed with the way some of you think, my parents never raised me to judge other muslims coz they are sunnis, if you actually had the time to study btween shians n sunnis u will know that we don't even differ much..

    Its coz of people like you, others misjudge us, look at the way muslims are seen in other peoples eyes, as terrorists coz of the false information shown on media.. We should all stand 2gther and unite as ONE so that the rest can start respecting us..if you all want to start judging each other coz of false information you've heard or seen then we as muslims will always be judged wrongly by the world..

    LA ILLAHA ELLALAH, MUHAMAD RASULUH LAH.. If you believe that then you are a muslim, am sorry if am rude but no one has the right to judge anyone but ALLAH!

    • I was raised believing there is one God who is ALLAH and one messenger who is prophet Mohammad and imam ALI is the Khalifa after him

      If shia sources/hadiths states that Ali RA accepted Abu Bakr RA, Umar RA and Uthman RA as successors of our Prophet (i.e, 1st, 2nd and 3rd caliph respectively) then how come you're raised believing that Ali RA was the first caliph ? If he was, then where's the proof ? He infact was never the first caliph.

      Do u even know what we morn for? Its called Ahura, we morn for the prophets grandkids who were denied water and brutally killed.. How can u not morn for your prophets grand kids? They are part of the AHLU BAIT(family of the prophet)..

      Do you think that our Prophet if present today would approve of such uncivilised way of mourning ? Do you think he would join some shias in their self torturing festival ( Allah forbid hurting oneself in the Quran ) ? Do you think he would mourn every year/excessively ? He lost many close family members, relatives, beloved companions etc, did he ever mourn the way the shia does ? Okay, If you mourn for the grand kids, because they died for Islam/ they are Islamic heroes, then you should have mourned for other heroes of Islam, who died fighting for Islam. Why don't you mourn for our prophet ? His lost is a major blow for the ummah. To conclude, these acts of mourning or self torturing or etc are unIslamic, and an innovation. We the ahle sunnah wal jama'ah must refrain from those acts.

      And by the way, those two aspects aren't the only difference between our sects. There are many aqidah and fiqh differences as well which is major. It will certainly cause marital problems.

      We the ahle sunnah wal jama'ah love the ahulul bayt so much that we ask Allah to have mercy on them, forgive them and grant them the highest level of paradise. Ashura is a virtuos day, where we must fast and pray more for Allah will forgive our sins.

  8. Brother Flat, if you love this girl and she is a respectful and and fears ALLAH then marry her, why should you let Shia-Sunni affect you.. We are all muslims at the end of the day, we have ONE GOD (Allah), ONE MESSENGER (Mohammad) and ONE BOOK (holy Quran) ,don't let others tell you otherwise.. Infact I am inlove with a Sunni brother whom inshala I intend to marry, we have talked about this same issue and decided not to let it affect us, I have leanrt a lot from him and he has learnt a lot from me aswel. When I met him, he never even used to pray his sallah but I managed to open his eyes and lead him on the right path, and now he prays 5 tyms a day, alhamdulilah. We decided that if one day inshallah we have kids, we won't Categorize between us coz of our beliefes and instead we will teach them and guide them the right way of ALLAH and call ourselves MUSLIMS.

    You raise your kids the way you want them to be, if you are ready to unite with your wife as ONE then don't worry on how they will turn out to be. As long as you teach them that there is not God but Allah and Muhammad s.w.t is his messenger.

    May Allah be with you.

  9. Salaams,

    The shaytaan comes in many forms. Don't be led astray by something as superficial as beauty. I'm sorry but the way you describe the story is like you have been bewitched. Do not marry a shia. They are as already said, a deviation.

    Liking someone physically is the basis of lust. Lust never lasts and soon becomes lost.

  10. dear anonymous,

    LA ILLA HA ILL ALLAH MOHAMMAD UR RASOOL ULLAH but, where did the shia ending go which says AL UN WALI ULLAH.

    Anyways, the point here is whether shia sunni marriages should take place or not. In my opinion; the answer is negative pertaining to the repercussions of such a marriages; especially the divided and confused minds the kids of such marriages have.

    Just answer this question in your heart and all things will be cleared to you; would u be ready to marry a sunni boy who gives u full liberty to practice ur sect as far as you are concerned but, teaches the kids on the lines of pure sunnism and forbids them to go to majalis and jaloos with you. u r free to go alone but, no kids allowed; and strictly teaches them that hazrat abu bakr was the first khaleefa and not hazrat ali and this was just to give u a short example; there is much much more to it but, i think this much is enough to make to think clearly and rationally. ur answer is awaited.

  11. bismillah araham-arahim salam alikom i would like some information please i am married to a shia, and i am sunni , My husband has told me he want a tempory wife , i have said no , but each day i am being asked. I have told him if he want this then Divorce me and go and find what you want. he also admitted that he only married me for a passport which he now has. I am a british Muslim, and have tried to understand the reasons why he has done this to me Please could someone help me

    • Wa Alaikum as Salam sister,

      I feel sorry to hear that you have been cheated this way.

      Dear sister, if you asked me before marriage if you could marry him, my answer would have been negative, for the fact that you are not Shi'i and you are assumed to respect the Sunnah of our beloved Rasool Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam.

      Temporary marriage is allowed in Shia' law but it has been prohibited by Allah and His Messenger. A marriage contract is assumed to be for lifetime, unless if there is a reason for breaking it later on.

      I suggest you to ask him to divorce you immediately and report him to the authorities, of having cheated you for passport.

      And sister, never marry another man unless you are sure about his deen, and may Allah Have Mercy on you.

      For any other help, please login and submit a new post.

      Abu Abdul Bari Editor

  12. Salam,

    I am a sunni girl who been proposed to by a shia man. We don't have any shia in my family and barely know much about them except from what I learned in school & what we hear of word of mouth. I come from a strong Sunni background, my grandfather was a scholar & I also carry the prophets blood line (Sayd/hashimy) On the other hand, he does have sunni- shia marriage in his family but doesn't know much about Sunnah except the negative experiences he had in his childhood. When we discussed how to raise children we decided we will teach them both, we will tell them that both are okay. He is from the 12ers sect of shia. We used to go back & forth because I have questions like why do you do this? Or why that? Just simple questions to learn since I was never exposed to it but he started to get offended sometimes when I dont agree with him & give him logical answer. We decided anytime I have a question I should write it down & he'd take me to a shia sheikh to answer my question. Lately, he's been telling me that the kids are shia, they will learn both but at the end of the day they are shia bcuz the kids follow their father he said. He said he will not force me to practice shia but he's okay with the kids learning both. My mentality is that why are we putting labels on ourselves. We all are Muslims at the end of the day. Why have to get into dividing already. I want to teach my kids to say we are muslim when they are asked but he wants them to know & say they are Shias if they want to know bcuz of their father. I feel like he's afraid I will raise them to be sunnis since I don't have enough knowledge of shia practices that's why maybe he keeps mentioning that kids will refer themselves to Shias. He says after they grow up if they decide to be sunni he's ok with it, if they decided to be shia he's also ok with it. He claims that he wants to make sure I accept the fact they will be Shias that's why he keeps bringing it up. It doesn't make me feel comfortable, becuz what if he changes later & doesn't let me teach them sunnah? That's what scares me. That's why I don't like it when he keeps mentioning that. I just want my kids to be good practicing Muslims & proud to be a muslim. IM okay w/ them practicing shia but not okay with mattam. No beating!!!

    My question is: should I be worried that I might run into problems in the future knowing that ppl change after marriage? Is there any red flags i need to watch out for? I don't want to go they problems. I am a devoured Sunni but not practicing. He can be liberal sometimes but he's very stuck with the shia pride & it kind of scares me. I maybe overreacting maybe there is nothing wrong. He's a good person w/ a good heart but can be stubborn. We get along well except when I make a religious comment or I ask him a question he can't answer, he gets frustrated & emotional. Hes tells me he's happy w/ his blvs & very firm w/ it. Would not change. He's ok coming w/ me to a sunni mosque & celebrate eid w/ my family. I pray that everything will be okay inshallah.

Leave a Response