Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Rude man


I think im a very rude person. Im 25 right now, and i have noticed that all men of my family are rude, and taunt often. and do not treat wives well. I wish to stop being rude, and be a nice man for my future wife, as my marriage could be a disaster. Also i practice martial arts, and sometimes i fear , if i get angry i might end up smacking my wife. I want to avoid all this, maybe people might think im overthinking. kindly help me become a better man. thanks


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5 Responses »

  1. I don't think you are overthinking things at all, it's a very valid concern to have. Sadly, when we surround ourselves with toxic people, or toxic behavioural patterns, they can rub off on us.

    There are plenty of ways to manage your behaviour, thankfully. You can read a lot of self help books, see a therapist and, most importatly, try to practice kindness and patience every day. When you do eventually get married, try to not live with your family memebers, but provide yourself and your wife with your own home. It's much easier to be yourself, or the person you want to be, when you have your own privacy and aren't influenced by other people in your household.

  2. Alhamdoulilah.

    The first step to removing a negative quality/characteristic, is to realise you have that quality. And to accept it. So, thank Allah that He has allowed you to see this characteristic in yourself.
    Mostly people see the bad in others and the good in themselves. So it's really good that you have seen and accepted the anger within yourself.

    Firstly, I would advise doing dhikr constantly. SubhanAllah, Alhamdoulilah, etc. When you have the name of Allah taLa on your tongue constantly, is humbles you. Constantly reminding you that Allah is Great, Allah is Supreme - who are we but servants of the Great? When you have these thoughts, there is no room for spite and malice towards others.
    What I'm saying is that once one is drowned in love for the Creator, then love for His Creation just develops itself. SubhanAllah.
    So, remember Allah constantly.

    Secondly, what the sister has said above- she has hit the nail on the head. Once married, try making separate living arrangements so that you are not influenced by others, in sha Allah.

    May Allah make everything easy for you and guide you towards righteousness. Ameen

    Your Sis in Islam x

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