Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I rushed to get married; now I realize that we have nothing in common except deen

Marriage mistake

Assalamo alaikom,

I'm writing to you regarding my marriage and I hope you can help me insha'allaah.

I'm 27 years old and I've wanted to marry for a few years, I'm pretty picky but a few years ago I decided to start being more open to potential spouses. A relative recommended a man to me about a year ago, we met a few times and talked about our reasons for getting married and we decided very quickly that we wanted to marry each other. I fell for his religiousity, and also because my relative and his family recommended him, they told me very positive things about him and I felt that this was the answer of my du'aas. So we decided to do nikah a few months later, my family disliked the idea and still do (he is uneducated and has no job while I am educated) but my relative and I convinced them and I told them I want to marry for the sake of my religion, so we went through nikah but until today we haven't consummated our marriage since we don't live together. Since we got married we've only met a couple of times.

My problem now is that I'm getting second thoughts. I'm starting to think that I was so desperate to get married that I agreed to marry just to be married, now reality has hit me and I've realized that my husband can't even support for me financially (we can't even afford a wedding) and that we have nothing in common except Islam. Islam is a lot but I feel that we don't have anything more. When we talk we don't have any subjects to talk about, I feel I have more to talk about with work colleagues or students at university. We have some physical attraction but there's nothing else between us, he's not my soul mate.

Many times I think that I should stay for the following reasons: I'm too old to find someone new, I'm too much of an introvert to find someone new, I won't find anyone who likes me like he does, divorce is disliked in Islam. Meanwhile I just can't see myself married to him in the future, I don't understand what we're going to have in common in the future when we don't have anything now. I feel like a hurried into the marriage and that I now regret it.

I constantly think about divorcing him, then I feel like I will never find someone else so I could just stay with him and be unhappy instead of being lonely and unhappy. I'm so jealous of everyone around me who've met compatible spouses (who share the same background, are from the same countries, both are educated, families are happy with their choices), and then I think that my husband might be a blessing from Allah that I should take care of and not through away.

I also want to add that I'm unhappy with my life in general, I have very few friends and I've even contemplated committing suicide (may Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala protect us from such acts) because it feels like my life is standing still. I'm afraid that due to these reasons I didn't think twice before marrying, that I only wanted a way out.

Subhan'allaah, I've got no idea what to do and I'm hoping y'all can help me.

Thank you,



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26 Responses »

  1. Salaams,

    Consider this: you don't even know what it's like to be married to him, so how can you readily conclude that you don't want to be? For one thing, the concept of a "soul mate" doesn't hold up in reality or in Islam. Compatibility is a spectrum scale, and people can be a little compatible or a lot or somewhere in between. No couple on earth is 100% compatible. In fact, no matter how much two people have in common when they marry, or how strong their chemistry, in time they find out there is so much more to the other person than they realized and there may be several areas where they don't share common interests or personalities. Likewise, some couples who seem to be worlds apart in the beginning find that they do have things that can bond them together as they get to know one another.

    So how is this done? By actually living with the person you married. Or, at the very least, being with them as often as you can. To me one of the biggest down sides of marrying someone and still living separately or not contacting them frequently (basically living like non-mahrams) is that the couple misses out on the opportunities to get to know one another on a deeper level, bond, and learn how to problem solve. I don't think that you've given this marriage a fair shot if you haven't even consummated it, and don't appear to be spending a substantial amount of time getting to know someone in their day to day habits. I wouldn't suggest considering giving up on it until you at least try living with him for a reasonable period of time. Then, if you really feel there's no way to go forward after you've gotten to know him pretty well, you can decide what you want to do.

    At this point, you are only looking at a handful of factors to gauge compatibility (religion, education, topics of discussion, wage-earning capability) when in reality there are many, many more. I think that you aren't able to see that because you haven't had any experience with a relationship on this level, and when that's the case it's easy to over-simplify what marriage is and make black/white decisions about what to do. In the real world, marriage is a complex and dynamic relationship. People evolve over the years of their lives, so there's a pretty good chance that what may be dissatisfying you now (his lack of interesting topics to talk about, for example) could change if he decided to further his education or get involved in a cause or takes up certain hobbies. Who you are marrying now is not going to be the exact person you spend year after year with, just as who you are now is going to grow and mature and become even more multi-faceted as you experience the realities and joys of life.

    As far as his ability to support you, that's something he can work on while you both are getting to know each other better. He can further his education or getting training in a specific trade. He doesn't necessarily need to pursue a career that would make more money than you're capable of making, but rather make enough to pay the necessary costs of the household. As long as he's doing that, you really can't ask for more. However if he doesn't want to work, or is somehow seeming like he has no intentions of fulfilling his God-given role as the provider of your family, then that definitely is an area where you can work together to see if the problem can be solved satisfactorily or not. But again, the path to that is going to be by you both coming together, not remaining apart.

    -Amy Editor

  2. Well, if you have not consummated your marriage, I think you should regard this as a positive thing, because this means you save your virginity for someone else. I don't believe at all that you have to live with someone as a married couple before you can know if they're right for you or not. Last year I talked to a Lebanese guy who was, mashallah, a really good guy...pretty much ticked all the boxes on my list in terms of education, family, values and morals, religion, personality, no haram past and even physical appearance - but we just didn't have a good chemistry at all when we had conversations. I was actually very open and honest about the fact that I felt like we didn't have a good chemistry, but the guy also thought we otherwise were perfect for each other so we decided to talk more about our aspirations to marriage and, hopefully, see if we'd connect better. We didn't. He actually started to REALLY annoy me and I thought to myself that if he was my husband, he'd drive me insane within the first week of marriage. And he, too, could sense I lost interest so we just wished each other good luck and gave each other the chance to find other people we'd be more compatible with. So yeah, no need to be married before you know whether or not a person is right for you...and I think it'd be a shame to lose your virginity to a man you don't want to be married to. If you want to get re-married, at leats you can tell your new husband that you're actually still a virgin...and that might put you in a much better position, because the man will not feel like you're "tainted" by someone else. I'm sure I'll probably get some angry comments for what I'm saying, but...I just saying what a lot of Muslim men are thinking. Don't shoot the messenger :D.

    • Also, desperation is never a good place to come from when you're in the proces of finding a suitable partner. I mean, I'm pretty much the same age as you, so I can totally understand the pressure that one, as an unmarried 27-year old, undergoes...not even by family, but by the pressure you put on yourself by comparing yourself to your piers and friends who've all gotten married and had kids ages ago...but it's important to not loose focus on what it is you're looking for - it's important to not let age and time scare you in to making bad decisions. I realize that with my extreme pickiness, the lack of help from my family and very few (female) friends, and my lack of contact to Muslim men (or men altogether), marriage might actually never happen for me. The thought scares me a lot and sometimes makes me a bit upset, but...honestly, I'd rather be alone all of my life than to live in a marriage that is like some of the fiasko ones a lot of women on here write about and ask for advice about...

    • there is that word again "tainted" lol

      Sister Adina, while I can understand what you are saying about not consummating the marriage, at the same time, husband and wife are halal for each other and why should a decision be made on a "possible" 2nd marriage that hasn't even occurred (and hopefully this marriage will last and prosper). If this sister consummates her marriage, she is in her full rights and it is completely halal for her and who can say it is wrong, when Allah has most definitely made it halal?

      • I understand that husband and wife are halal for each other, but I still don't see why she "waste" her virginity to someone she doesn't feel compatible to and is this unhappy with (even if she did make the choice to marry him herself). I don't think you can force compatible to happen - either it is there or it isn't. Some people are able to look past the incompatibility and focus on other things - like if the husband is a good provider. But if there aren't really any other focus points to distract you from the fact that you have a husband who's not right for you, then it's hard to keep optimistic.

        Ideally, this sister would have not rushed in to marriage - even her family was against the marriage and...well, sometimes we women need to consider if our families are rejecting a proposal on valid grounds. Her parents probably figured that an educated girl probably has very little in common with a man who's not educated and doesn't even have a job.

  3. Wa alaikum assalam Sister Fai11,

    People who do not have a lot in common still do have successful marriages. You both have physical attraction - another good thing.

    The main problem, the way I see it, is that your husband seemed to jump into marriage, but isn't working to support the both of you. You mentioned that he is religious - he should know that it is his financial responsibility to provide for you.

    I truly believe that if he took this more seriously, it would change how you view him and you would be able to look past the gaps in personality, and rather see them as valleys of exploration.

    I don't think there is a need to rush into any decision right now and certainly not divorce. If you were wrong in rushing into marriage, how do you know that rushing into a divorce will be right?

    I think that you need to build this relationship, but talking to your husband and voicing your concerns about finances in a way that you are looking to him for guidance, rather than come across as nagging him. You sincerely need him to be your provider - you also need him to feel that you look to him for support without appearing to be his mother. If he can make you feel secure and safe, I would imagine this situation would change.

    You mentioned that you are afraid you will not find someone who likes you like he does - that is a huge positive. I think if you spend enough time talking to your husband and sharing your true feelings of how your lack feeling secure and safe or even just tell him that you are attracted, but feel something is missing and you want to work on that, then he may surprise you. There is a series on marriage from Sh. Yasir Qadhi "Like a Garment" that would help the both of you understand your roles towards one another. The more you come closer to those roles, the more your relationship will improve and inshaAllah, the greater the attraction will be.

    Sister, other couples might appear happier - but keep in mind, there may be a series of problems in their marriage that you can't even see. Just because a couple appears very happy, doesn't mean a whole lot - their personal lives are just that - personal. I know of a couple who have had their engagement and wedding pictures plastered over their fb account and they spent thousands on the wedding and trust me the pictures tell a beautiful story, but I know the reality is that the husband drinks regularly, smokes marijuana and expects his wife to pay half of the bills. They knew each other well over a year before marriage and the girl felt they were very very compatible, but now she looks back and thinks, "what have I done?"

    I don't know if your marriage is right or not, but I also don't know that it is wrong either. I do think you are looking for safety and security, and I truly believe that once you get that feeling, your marriage will improve. Talk to your husband, and even write to him if it is difficult to say everything - and ask him to write back - try to build the spark.

    One last thing, I don't know why your parents said no to the marriage and i don't know if there is a language/culture barrier, but if he is willing to work hard and take care of you, you might want to work through this difficult time before throwing in the towel.

    All the best to you and may Allah bless your marriage with blossoming love and joyful moments, Ameen.

  4. SALAM, Sister things in life does not usually work way we will love them be or the way we see how good it appear with

  5. I agree people that seem happier in your eyes there the once who has issues that nobody knows about.Don't ever feel bad for yourself because Allah has a plan for all of us. I really think you should give this men
    A chance he seems like a good guy.

  6. Sister,
    if youre hating your life so much and dont have any friends, then why not just start talking to this guy about as a friend...I mean, you did marry him! I suggest ask him how his day was every day, try to meet up with him for lunch or dinner at least daily, and encourage him towards a good path financially as well as spiritually, and ask if you can accompany him to lunch after Juma. Date him in simple ways and try not to get hung up on his lack of money. Life is just beginning over fresh for you and him as newlyweds, so stop being so stubbornly against this guy. Get flirty! Get friendly! Dress up for him! You demanded, against everyones wishes, to marry him, so show them what the purpose of all this demanding was! Show him a romance like he will wish to keep going for the rest of his days! Life from this point on with him has got to be viewed as an adventure sent from Allah swt! There is no reason to end this adventure before it has even started.
    Have fun sister 🙂

    • I agree with sister shereen, like start of having a friendship witht the guy and let it blossom from there , you never know once you try , how things can really work out .

      Don't jump into conclusions of your own without giving it a shot yes they can be risks in whatever we decide but at the end of the day its good to take risks in life that way we know what's really right and wrong out there for us.

      As Shereen says start of as friends even though your married people say that your spouse not only can be seen as your life partner but also as a best friend in your life.

      When you said when we talk we don't have subjects to talk about you can start of by opening up to him about yourself discuss the values of life out there share stories related to your past like childhood memories, you soon will find some things in common with the guy , you can also share a few laughs with him and gradually your conversation with him will grow stronger and you may see an immediate connection.

      I knew someone in the same position as you thought she made a terrible mistake rushing for her marriage thinking the guy was right for her in the beginning she didn't move in with him straight away just like you and she thought what did I do , she had total regrets but people told her to give it a shot once you move in if you still don't feel he's right you see where to go from there.

      Once she began to move in with this guy she saw sides that she didn't see before like the side she always wanted throughout her life with her life partner, she was happy that she gave it a shot because she told me she would've had more regrets if she didn't give it a try in the beginning.

      People always think they know the person very well just by spending few times and moments with them but once you live with them you will see how they are really like , he may seem like he's not the one for you now but who knows what will happen later.

      You may have rushed the marriage but you haven't rushed in the biggest step creating your own family so think carefully you still got time don't think its too late because its never to late to decide what's really best for you .

      Anyway sister I wish you all the best with whatever you decide afterwards at the end of the day its your life what you think is best you should follow may Allah swt help you guide through your decision stay strong for now and have patience in this because with great patience greater things happen in life.

  7. Salam,

    If neither of you have anything in common, it isn't going to change a bit once you consummate your marriage. No sense in going any further at this point my opinion. The warning signs are already there, you just need to listen to your inner self and not be worried about what anyone else will think in the end.


    • That's exactly my point. You are either compatible or you're not, it's not something that develops unless one or the other completely changes their personality. Some people choose to live with the incompatibility, but I don't see why one should do that. Especially when the marriage hasn't been consummated yet - there is an opportunity to get out of the marriage without anyone losing anything. The author hasn't even had a wedding, nor has her husband provided for her. Marriage? What marriage is there, really? I'm in a more committed relationship to my socks. Or ice cream.

      • Adina I don't believe the bit where you said its not something that develops I knew many people in this same situation as this sister , they all gave it a try before making further decisions I know some people think they know staright away if the person is definetly the one or not but its like saying imagine you going to a store to by a special outfit for the day you visit many stores people recommended you that yh by this outfit its perfect match for you but you don't seem to have interest in it at first just by looking at it but then once you try it don't sometimes you feel like yh they where right all along.

        this sister hasn't even tried or seen how it will be like once she started to live with him, you never know how things can be after sometimes our decisions can be influenced after in a good way.

        to be honest its up to her if she wants to give it a shot moving in with him but when you said things cant be developed unless personality changes its not true as I seen many relationships out there that didn't work out first but developed after into something more beautiful mashallah and no one had to change for anyone in the end.

        sometimes opposites can attract after so you never know what could happen amongst these two in future preference.

        I feel that since she said shes in a nikkah before the actual wedding she should atleast test him out properly in order to really see if hes compatible or not and if she still finds it hard that it aint a good match for her than from there she should know what should be done.

        in shaa allah whatever she decides I wish her all the best if he aint really the one I hope she finds someone who she feels is definetly the one after may Allah swt help her throughout her decisions and guide her through it ameen.

  8. Asalamwalaikum Fai11

    I understand the fact that you was in a hurry to get married without realising and thinking through about the guy himself. You could also try and talk to your parents as well as him? Divorce isn't always the answer to everything, you could also try and talk to him. Put the financial etc stuff beside and take a look at him closely into his personality and the way he respects you, treats you and has more interest in his Deen. You could have a guy who has been educated quite well and can look after you financially, but imagine he didn't have much time for you and had less nterest into his Deen? You should think outside the box and decide on if you think he's the right person for you, although it does happen quite often where two people wish they didn't rush into marriage. If you think its fixable then stay and have faith in Allah to make thing's better and also speak to someone about it in your family or anyone who you are close to.

    I hope your troubles fade away In Shaa Allah Ameen

  9. My parents had nothing in common when they got married. My mother and father are both introverts, but my mother is more outgoing and my dad is more serious and business minded. My father does not talk much and does not play or joke around much whereas my mom is always full of life and always joking and laughing (partially getting mad LOL). But after a decade, they have so much in common now...they have rubbed off on each other and are very happy together. They have tons to talk about, but when they first started, they had nothing to talk about.

    HONESTLY...You cant blame him or your marriage. You tried to commit suicide, and if you are as religious as you say you are then everyday should be the happiest day of your life. Of course everyone has fair share of trials and tests but Allah does not hit you with a challenge that you can not handle. My recommendation to you is make your relationship with Allah right and develop true love for Allah and our beloved prophet Muhammad Mustafa (pbuh). Once you start to genuinely have love for Allah and our prophet (pbuh), your life will start to look bright and full of light and happiness. You will start to look forward to everyday with a positive outlook. Every day would be amazing because its another day Allah gave you to praise him and make way to jannah.

    Sorry to sound like a islamic preacher or imam, but my life because so much better once i started to make connection with Allah. I was thinking like this myself..but now its all changed!

    One more thing my dear muslim sister, ask him about job. What he would like to do? Why did he not get educated? where does he see his and your life together and as individuals?
    May Allah give you happiness and help you in these troublesome times. Ameen

  10. I completely understand people suggesting that if you are incompatible, this is over, BUT I honestly think it is a huge mistake because this marriage hasn't had a chance and not only that, in the OP's own words:

    I also want to add that I'm unhappy with my life in general, I have very few friends and I've even contemplated committing suicide (may Allah subhanahu wa ta'aala protect us from such acts) because it feels like my life is standing still. I'm afraid that due to these reasons I didn't think twice before marrying, that I only wanted a way out.

    If you are depressed and unhappy in general and this is leading you to make quick and hasty decisions, then be aware that if you RUSH out of this marriage, you are probably being hasty yet again. Let me add, considering that you have been suicidal and unhappy - you may want to get counselling because this is most definitely affecting your ability to make a decision and I would hate if you lost the opportunity of having a good marriage.

    Consult with your family, talk openly with your husband, take your time to make any further decision sister.

  11. I guess people are different. Some can cope with an incompatible marriage - or wait years and years for the compatibility to accur - while others can't do that. So...the good question is which category this sister falls under.

    • it might not even take years and years for them to be compatible for each other yet she still has a lot to see with this guy she's not even moved in with him yet .Sometimes its good to wait for things to happen in life because having great patience is to key towards ones happiness in life, not only it will help her here but hereafter as well.

      Which ever path she wish to take either let go off this guy or give him a chance I think both seem fair in a way at the end of the day I feel she should listen to her heart people suggested their opinions on here some had said to let go immediately some recommend her giving a chance to him I don't see who's right and wrong in this but I think whatever people said here seems all fair to me.

      like you said everyone is different at the end of the day she will know what's the best outcome for her.

      we gave her help now its up to her what she decides there's many routes that she can take on this but is she ready to decide which one?

      I wish this sister all the best with decisions and may Allah help her guide through the right one whichever one shes willing to take I pray that it would be a right outcome for her in the end in shaa allah.

  12. i.agree with adina. me i would have a sad face at the walima if i had no chemistry with future husband. i would maybe go on trip with him somewhere for two weeks without losing my virginity. u would have more time to analyze his personality and how u feel about him. then take final decision. so ull feel relaxed when ull move in. cos i dont think its correct to move in with these conditions knowing it will be harder to change mind later after walima and mariage consumption.

  13. salam Fai11
    im sorry i couldnt understand a few things from your post.
    since how long have you been married to him? why havent you consummated your marriage yet? i mean are you people living in different homes like you did before the nikah? dont you and him feel the need to move in together? i mean u r 27 and he must be a little older than you so why the distance between 2 mature married people?

    Anyway now the point is that you have doubts coz
    1. you have no chemistry and
    2. he doesnt earn.

    well for the chemistry i agree with sister saba and kay that you guys need to live together to find that out.
    but why is he not working? if he is going to show reluctance in taking the role of the alpha male of your home then sis your marriage will have some serious issues raising ugly heads later, especially after you multiply as a family. the pressures of child bearing and rearing and plus the burden of financially supporting your family will inevitably stress you out and in return destroy your relationship with him anyway. its so bad that you overlooked such a vital point b4 you said '' i do''.

    financial security is the backbone of any healthy marriage. expecting that from a husband should not make you look materialistic or greedy so plz feel free to discuss these concerns with him and make sure you address them as soon as you can. Also ask him what he expects from this marriage (from you) and where he sees both of you in near future.

    if your dialogue with him yealds no clear results or fails to assure you in any way then do an istikhara before you end this for good. From experience i can tell you that any healthy marriage is about compromises from both sides and even though there are success stories of some in which boast of one person who compromises more than the other, yet some amount of fulfilment is a must somewhere at the end of all the sacrifices one makes or else its all absolutely meaningless.
    so its either got be great chemistry for the 2 of you or financial security in your marriage from him.
    it cant be nothing for everything.

    You are not out there to adopt a man. Lets get real, we are talking of marriage here. A healthy marriage.

  14. Salaams,
    I'm just curious, how are some concluding that there is NO chemistry between them when she clearly says they have SOME physical attraction? I'm sure she would've have said none if she meant none, but she did say there was "some".

    -Amy Editor

    • Salam sis Amy,
      yes the post clearly mentions that they have SOME physical attraction but that is not chemistry.

      I personally know of some people who find eachother extremely attractive but they cannot stand eachother for more that 2 dates coz they feel absolutely no emotional connection or that their wave lengths done match. they dont see eachother on the same page.
      No connection hence no chemistry. :-/

      • Chemistry me I meant mentally chemistry, for example very close understanding between two persons, or feeling of guessing what your spouse is thinking about, physical attraction is second for me, chemistry can exist even without physical attraction.

  15. Salam Alaikum.

    I absolutely feel you sister. If you have second thoughts, don't move on with him. If you feel just a tiny bit that you are not compatible with him, don't move on. Stop it right here.

    Let me tell you about myself, and I WISH I have done some research and perphaps ended up on this forum or listened to my mother's feelings towards my marriage. I wish, otherwise I would not end up where I am right now.

    I got engaged in May 2012, Nikah in July and I got officially married in October 2012. We had no relation before that. He lived in the usa and I lived in Canada.

    I married a man, that I loved, just simply because he was going to be my husband to be, not madly in love (because I experienced the feeling before him) may Allah swt forgive me. So, after my Nikah to him,things started to show and we had several fights and arguments...(I lived at my parents, we did Nikah just to keep it Halal when we go for a coffee or something alone) we had lots of issues and misunderstanding and my family suggested that we make the marriage reported for 2013. I felt a pressure from the community and I was worried of people trashtalking and all the girls around me were getting married and my friends were married as well. So I told him well, I don't want to get married right now and his arguments was that I can't know him fully until we live under the same roof. I considered this fact logic and for me, at this time it made sense. So I prepared the wedding and When I think about it right now I took more time preparing the wedding than working on my relationship. I took a permanent decision on temporary feelings. Let me be honest, I craved for physical and emotional contact with him. Then when I got married, I wasnt expecting to live a married life of romeo and juliet nor was I expecting anything amazing. Just a married life where where there is communication, respect, share our feelings, trust,,sexual life etc just the usual thing, you know.

    None of this was present in our relation, I didnt like his personality, I didnt like his way of dealing talking acting with me. He wasn't practicing his faith that much. In fact, I somehow stopped praying ever since I entered his house, I don't know why... Of course, lots of things happened, I got mentally abused, and physically twice. in this 4 months that I lived with him, I was unhappy and depressed like something was wrong with me. That bubbly girl that I once was, disappeared. I was sacrificing my health, heart peace and happiness staying with him. I came from an environment where everybody admired me, great reputation, strong personallity, good education.. said I was beautiful..all of this was left unappreciated and abused.
    End of march, he hit me again and totally disgusted me, I said to myself, tomorrow he's gonna do this infront of your kids, don't let it happen...and now Im back to the comfort of my home and asking for a divorce.

    It’s true what they say, you know in your heart he isn’t right in some way and you just put it down to fears or thinking “he will never treat me like that”. Don't put it down. Ask yourself, do you want him to teach your future son how to be a man?

    Sister, don't get married to him. If you want to, tell him to wait a year or two so everything is settled. If he really wants you, if he really likes you as you said he will be patient.
    You sound so sad and willing to just live like a dead person inside, Wallah 27 is so young, don't sacrifice your happiness for him. Screw what people think and what people talk, This generation changed, 27 is young for marriage, live your life and just be close to Allah swt. He knows best, just pray and make duas and see how much Allah will astonish you

    How can I tell you sister, that I would do it all over again and bear every moment of pain if it was meant that I will have the peace of mind and heart, the closeness to Allah swt and the maturity that I have right now? Wallahi I would do it all over again. Don't do my mistake, if you feel a tiny bit that you wont be happy with him, give it up, its not gonna change. Don't even imagine suicide. Get out, study\work. Have friends, Help others and just free yourself from heavy weight.

  16. Salams Sis,
    Everybody has had a lot to say to you, and I hope it helps you gain perspective and come to the right decision.

    My advice is :

    Do Istikhara, then think of what would please Allah the most.

    You did nikah with him for the sole reason of pleasing Allah, i.e. marrying a man with whose deen you were satisfied with, Remember the hadith , ''If a man with whose character and deen u are satisfied with, proposes to you, then dont refuse or else there will be great evil and tribulations in the land.' ? Now Shaitan is trying to place doubts in your hearts and drag you towards the most hatedhalal thing in the sight of Allah - Divorce (and that too over no substantial reason).

    If you feel that you hate him so much that you would not be able to obey him and be the muslim wife Allah expects you to be, then, please go ahead and get a divorce. However, if you dont really hate him, then invest in the relationship, ask Allah to bless your union with Love and Mercy from His Rahmah....and consummate your marriage with him.

    May Allah help you come to the right decision.

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