I get scared when my husband leaves me and goes to the mosque
It's a terrible thing to live in fear
MY husband and I live in a small apartment along with other units in the complex.
when my husband goes for the mosque there are people outside my window sometimes drunk (i live in the west) they talk loudly and it scares the hell out of me. i have told my husband lots of times but he goes anyways i am not sure if its right to ask him not to leave me at 10.30 at night which is the time for isha in summer.
im so scared i cry in my bed for the one hour he is gone. there is no space for women in the local mosque where i can wait for him. im so miserable. every time he gets up to go i seem to have a panic attack.
i dont wanna be the one to stop him from mosque but i feel like this. when its so late at night and he goes i feel terrified.
- s.a
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Salaams,
Going to the mosque for isha salat is commendable, but not obligatory. I don't think any reasonable imam would urge a brother to come to the mosque at night if it in any way endangered his family.
That being said, "loud, drunk people" are not necessarily dangerous. Many westerners drink alcohol regularly and "party", but otherwise don't bother anyone else except for maybe being a little annoying. You have to determine if your fear of these individuals is reasonable or not. If, for instance, you live in a bad part of town where homes are often broken into at night or people who are out after dark are generally out for no good, you have a valid reason to worry. But if you happen to just have neighbors who get a little loud with some liquor but are otherwise harmless, then maybe you would be better off talking to a counselor about your anxiety levels so you can have stronger coping skills to live in your current environment.
If I had noisy, drunk neighbors I would simply tell them to quiet down or go away from my unit. Usually they will comply with that.
I definitely think someone needs to talk to the imam at that mosque about creating a women's section, in any case!
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
@Amy-
I would like to know on what basis did you say this ?
"Going to the mosque for isha salat is commendable, but not obligatory. I don't think any reasonable imam would urge a brother to come to the mosque at night if it in any way endangered his family."
_________________
May Allah grant us success! May peace and blessings be upon our Prophet, his family and Companions!
Salaams brother Abdullah,
It is my understanding that congregational salat is communally obligatory for brothers, but not personally obligatory. However, congregational salat is different from praying in the masjid/mosque in particular. Congregational salat can take place in any location, and some scholars would say that a man leading his wife in salat counts as the congregational salat. The brother in this case may have the options of praying with his wife, or even having brothers over to his house for isha salat. Personally, I don't know how muslim brothers would feel comfortable praying in a mosque that does not even have an area for sisters so their wives/mothers/daughters could accompany them.
At any rate, there are provisions made for skipping congregational salat, which include illness, safety, weather conditions, and even bad breath or not wanting to run into a debt collector (this list was pulled from Reliance of the Traveller just because I happened to have it handy).
Also I would just like to add, if the noisy drunks are really that frightening or don't leave even after being asked to, you can call the police on them and report them for disturbing the peace. If they happen to live in the complex with you, you can also notify the landlord of what goes on as this is likely a violation of the lease. Most lease's have clauses that no resident can disturb the "quiet enjoyment" of another resident.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Assalamualaykum sister Amy,
Please forgive for my words. But please do not give your own opinions in the matter of religion. Let her consult some Mufti or lets get her some fatwa from reputable scholar. In issues like this we have to have deep understanding of ahadith and what fuqaha has mentioned on similar issues. MashaAllah Allah has preserved his Deen and made solution for each and every issue.
JazakAllah.
Salaams,
The information I provided is not my own opinion, it is a summarization of the information on the matter outlined in Reliance of the Traveler. I realize that the book is geared toward Shafi fiqh, but I could not find any dissenting opinions when I searched online.
In any case, this sister still has some options on how to deal with this situation even if her husband continues to go to the mosque.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Maybe you can stay at your neighbour place who is good? Or manage something. Sister I won't encourage you to stop your husband from going to mosque it's a blessing from Allah that your husband go. Have faith in Allah even if you have no place to go I suggest you do dikr until your husband come back. It's shaytan whisper do not let him entre your life sister. Lock all the doors and window properly reict ayatul kursi and also suggest your husband to reict ayatul kursi before he go and say bismillah before he entre home. Sister do not be afraid Allah is with you....
Assalamualaikum
The following link has a comprehensive discussion on when praying in the mosque is obligatory.
http://islamqa.info/en/ref/38881
Even if it is not obligatory upon your husband, praying in the mosque is extremely liked by Allah. The following link has some hadith to support my above statement.
http://spa.qibla.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1135&CATE=239
When me and my wife were in your situation, my wife would also be scared but we easily solved this issue. She would come with me to the mosque. Our mosque had women section as well. In your case if the mosque doesn't have a women section (would be surprising because most mosques in the west have it) you can stay in the car while he offers his prayers.
In time you will learn to overcome your fears.
I strongly urge you not to ask him to stop going rather find a way that will make it easy for him to go to Isha prayer. Not only will he get the reward, by helping him do the good dead you will get the reward too.
JZK
I highly agree with this. You and your husband need to find a solution without compromising his going to masjid for congregational salat. Masha'Allah that you have a husband who goes for Isha prayer. Prophet said: “If people knew the reward in praying Fajr and Isha in congregation, they would go to the mosque even if they had to crawl.” [Bukhari & Muslim] subhana'Allah.
As someone above said, those evil drunkers may make noise, but I don't think that they would break into your apartment. May Allah protect you, ameen. Just lock the doors and windows properly. Insha'Allah you'll be safe.
Staying in the car all by her self? I think that's even more dangerous it's rather to stay home. Also it depends what country she lives in? From her post it sound like from Asian.,.. Most of them don't have space for female I might be wrong... It's better if the OP says...
Staying in the car is not dangerous (especially right outside the Masjid). Accompanying him and knowing he is right inside, would make her feel much better - in the day of cell phones, he would be a moment away. If there is a danger issue, they can obviously, let this idea go, but it isn't bad to entertain and consider it first. It may even help the sister with her connection with Allah and if they have kids, they can see the importance for going to the Masjid. This is a place we have to fill if we want to have connectedness in our Ummah. Hopefully they do make a ladies section, that would be ideal.
Well if its not dangerous where this sister live then its not dangerous i withdraw my comment.
We do not know what the case is here, but some mosques are located in bad neighborhoods and do not have parking lots available. I used to live in an area where the majority of mosques were in bad locations - across the street from a bar, for example, or on a street where prostitution and drug-dealing were rife. Sometimes, the mosque itself has a section for women, but it is abandoned or empty, especially at night. I once prayed in the women's section of a mosque and was totally shocked when I finished the prayer to find a man sleeping behind me. Until this day, I do not know how or when he got there, but it seems he chose that location to rest because the room was usually empty. I have left other mosques because I did not feel the women's section was secure enough.
My experiences are not necessarily typical, and I am not saying it is a bad thing for this woman to accompany her husband to the mosque, or even wait for him in the car if they are both comfortable with that and the mosque is in a safe area. For the long-term, though, this will not help her when the day finally comes that she has to stay alone for any reason. If she has children, for example, it is unlikely that she would want to leave the home each night when her children are normally in bed. This is why I recommend (below) dealing with the neighbors and taking practical steps to relieve her anxiety. Ultimately, the goal is to feel comfortable and safe at home so she can cope with other potential situations as well.
I don't think the solution is to ask your husband to refrain from praying in the mosque. In the future, there may be times when he has to leave the home for other legitimate reasons, such as work (if his job requires long hours), business-related travel, or other matters, like visiting a friend. It is unrealistic to expect that your husband will always be at home by a specific time that you determine. I also disagree with the person who said you could wait in the car as this is not a practical or comfortable long-term solution for your issue. It may also be unsafe, depending on where the mosque is located. I would also point out that leaving the home at night would (statistically speaking) be more dangerous than staying at home.
As others stated, people may be drunk but do not necessarily pose a threat. If they are merely loud and disruptive, then you should speak to your landlord. If they are reasonable while sober, your husband can also speak to the neighbors themselves during the day and explain that their behavior at night is bothersome. They may or may not listen, but they might tone down their activities or at least move away from your window. Perhaps there are other neighbors in the building who feel the same as you do, and they can also approach both the neighbors and the landlord. Calling the police is also an option, although I would reserve this for when other avenues have been exhausted.
You can take steps to secure your home, such as installing a deadbolt lock on the door and/or bars on the windows if you don’t already have them. Keep a cell phone handy with numbers of people you can contact in an emergency, including your husband, the police, and any trustworthy friends or neighbors you may have in the vicinity. With these steps, you should feel reasonably secure in your home. While your husband is away, I would also suggest keeping yourself occupied with beneficial activities instead of focusing on his absence and the fear you feel. When you spend the time crying and focused on your fear, the anxiety you feel will naturally be magnified. If, however, you regard his absence as something normal and learn to treasure this time as “you” time, you will start to feel better about it.
For the long-term, you should try to find a home that is more comfortable for you – perhaps one that is closer to the mosque or where you have friends or family as neighbors.
Please don’t think I am unsympathetic to your situation. I myself have lived in bad neighborhoods and used to feel quite anxious when alone, especially as a child. So-called “good” neighborhoods are not necessarily better, however. They may be quiet, but they are often targeted for crime (which can also happen during the day, by the way). Sometimes we are unable to choose where we live, so we need to be able to cope with our environment. In the long-term, it will benefit you more to gain the strength you need to stay alone rather than tagging along with your husband or compelling him to stay home.
I want bro. Wael to say something about the obligatory of performing solat ishai in congregation. Am confuse