Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Second Secret Marriage


Hello brothers and sisters,

I was dating two women at the same time and unfortunately they both lost virginity to me - premarital . The first woman had a disease in her legs which i got to know only after the intercourse. After that I felt that i deserved someone normal and went for another woman without breaking up with the first one because i had a lot of sympathy for her. 10 years later I married the first woman (the one with the problem) without letting the second one know. A few days later she found out and cried for almost a week and asked me what did she do to deserve this? I felt sympathy for her too. Somehow both of them found out about each other and my life has been a total mess since then

2 years later, my wife is pregnant with my child and the second woman is ready to marry me secretly. I feel it would be unfair for me not to marry the second woman as she also lost her virginity to me. Now both of them want me to leave the other one and don't want to leave  me either.

I just want to avoid Zina with the second woman and want to marry her too. This way both women who lost virginity to me would come into my nikah and I will have a sense of satisfaction for not ruining anyone's life. On the other hand, what if my wife leaves me with my child and the second woman gets to know about the child and leaves me too. I have to make a quick decision as I don't have much time.

Please help me. What should i do ?

Zahid Ikram

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4 Responses »

  1. Salam brother ,
    First of all may Allah swt forgive our each and every sins in sha Allah ,
    As of being a girl trust me it's not easy to lose Virginity to someone random , she trusted u or they both trusted u u can't leave both u should make them understand that both are meant everything to u , u should convince the first wife to let u have nikah with the other one because u did zina with him and u should not let her life get spoiled by u ., after everything gets solved in sha Allah ask for forgiveness from Allah swt both of u as husband and wife for the past that u guys had , and live happily ever after ,

  2. Assalaamu Alaykum brother,

    Unfortunately, I believe you have past the point where you are going to get "happily ever after" with either of these sisters. The women you have taken into your life by haram means, they are both already hurt. You won't be able to stop that now.

    Your wife has lost trust in you because you carried on an affair while married to her, from the very beginning it sounds like. Whether you take a second wife or not, this is something broken. I really don't think taking a second wife is going to help her feel more trusting, because most women struggle insanely with polygamy and feeling secure with their polygamous husband. For you to marry after your wife has learned of your affair is like building a bridge during an earthquake.

    The other woman probably doesn't trust you either, and that would create a trust crisis in your separate marriage with her. If I am getting you right, she didn't even know you married. She thought she was the only one in your life, and even then she knew you were meeting with her in a dishonorable way.

    Of course each one wants the other gone. They both felt from you that they had something special, and you deceived them both over long years. That's horrible.

    Your life is not a mess because they now know the secrets about one another. Your life is a mess because you made some selfish and sinful decisions. I think the better thing to focus on for yourself is, how will you know you've sincerely repented? If you are making decisions based on your feelings for these women, then you aren't making them out of sincere taqwa. Before you try to manage their feelings about your betrayal to them both, you need to manage your betrayal to your Lord. And that is going to require some drastic steps:

    1. Cut all ties with the woman you are not married to. The only one who has rights on you right now is your wife, who is carrying your child.

    2. Sit with your wife and see what you can do to rebuild the marriage and earn back her trust....IF that's what she wants. She has the right to leave you, based on the circumstances. Right now it should be about what she needs and wants, not about you or even your own guilt about what you did.

    3. If you can't work it out between you and she alone, you may need to involve an imam, therapist or family members for guidance.

    4. From this moment on, pray to Allah to forgive you. Pray for His guidance and strength. And be willing to accept anything He may bring you as punishment- it's better to take in this life than the next. But be as sincere as you can about all of that. He is the only one that can bring us out of the worst situations (even when we create them ourselves).

    -Amy Editor

  3. as you sow so shall you reap. i am surprised, you are confidently saying losing virginity and dont count it as a sin you did nt make tauba and did nt include here that you will do tauba. its better for you to seek tauba first then think about the worldly affairs make tauba to be forgiven.

  4. Salamu alaykum,

    Am I the only one who has a strange feeling about this?
    You were dating two women at the same time and you accidentally did zina with them?
    What happened, you tripped and fell and suddenly they both lost their virginity?

    Everyone makes mistakes, that's inevitable but what you should do is ask Allah SWT for guidance and do the istiqara prayer.

    I can't imagine what both of the women are going through, and all I read is about your feelings and your situation.

    Maybe that's the problem in the first place, you seem to be a bit selfish.

    May Allah guide us all,


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