Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secret marriage – my husband ignores me


Secret relationship, secret marriage

This is my second marriage. I met my husband online on a matrimonial site. We straight away spoke of marriage and he was very kind and charming. We started dating and he kept on making excuses about not getting married immediately Ie his kids would not want to know him if they found out, we will but it's not the right time etc.

After 2 years I gave him an ultimatum either we get married or I'm finishing this haraam relationship. We got married with two of his friends as witnesses. We have been married for 3 years now. We live 2 hours away from each other and more or less live seperate lives, this is all because it's what he wants. My family know about him but he refuses to mix with them or my children who are now adults. He has not told any of his family members about me. He doesn't have a relationship with his children anymore and they have left school. I have met his mum and his sister once in the early days, it was his way of proving that he is not married and has nothing to hide.  I go and see him at his place one a week but now that has turned into once every 2-3 weeks.

He doesn't call and doesn't text and does not reply to any of my text or answer phone calls. If I get upset about it or voice my opinion he will block me. He is always angry, he is not loving. He constantly shouts at me. He is very nice to everyone else and very helpful.

we went on holiday recently for a week, and he was a changed person. Happy, fun, loving, held my hand. As soon as we came back it's back to normal, I havnt heard from him in two weeks. He is online on whattsapp frequently but ignores me.

I can't leave him, I love him. I don't know why. Please can someone please advise. I'm really hurt and it's getting me so down.


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3 Responses »

  1. You've made a very big mistake what sought of guy who really loves you will want to keep your love as secret, and getting married with two witnesses his friends?? Where is your waliyy there, the biggest mistake in life is getting married without parents approval when you do that then that marriage has no blessing at all,and he has kids and didn't inform them. When people get to know about this who will believe you're married?? He might even deny it. It'll literally look like you've been committing zina. If you truely like this man and he also likes you as he claims tell him you want no such thing as secret marriage and if he refuses then you should know he never really loved you it was all just infatuation. And that shouldn't weigh you down because we all make mistakes you should turn back to Allah and ask for his forgiveness, we are in Ramadan so the best month use this month for good. And ask for your parents forgiveness before its too late,you both better make it official no such thing as secret marriage. What I know is in Islam is love and arranged marriage and arranged marriage is made within parents when they're scared for thier kids to commit zina I don't know if there is more but this is what I know. May Allah expand our knowledge, may he see us through.

  2. This is such a sad situation to be trapped in. This is not a marriage. He keeps you a secret and it doesn't sound like he is maintaining you financially or taking care of you emotionally as a husband should. He is not kind to you and treats you in a way he doesn't dare treat anyone else because he knows you will continue to let him get a way with it.

    Well, it's time to say enough is enough! Pls don't put yourself through this torture any longer. He is bullying you and oppressing you by withholding your rights. And as for blocking you every time you dare to question his behaviour.... it is the worst bullying tactic and a form of emotional abuse.

    Sister you may love him. But recognise that you are in an abusive relationship. You must have one last conversation with him and give him an ultimatum that he makes arrangements for the two of you to live together and gives you your rights. Set a date by which this should happen. Say 3 months. If he is at all serious about you he will do everything in his power to make things right. If he doesn't then you know where you stand.

    Don't put up with this any longer. We are not allowed to oppress ourselves. And staying in this marriage is oppression upon your soul. If he doesn't make things right for you then it's time to be strong and find your way out of this relationship.

    Love yourself and be kind to yourself and put yourself above this man. Love Allah swt and don't oppress your soul.

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