Secret Nikkah; hubby wants to divorce me now!
Asalam Alaykium Wa Rahmatullah Wa Barakullah My slings in Islam.
I love this website masha’Allah May Allah swt rewards you for your effort (ameen).
I have difficult situation, I need your advice according to Qur’an and Sunnah. To make a long story short, I married my husband behind my parent’s back with two witnesses, sheikh as my Wali. No Dowry yet, but it came to agreement. 3 out of 4 shikhs said my marriage is valid.
I still can’t believe what I have done to my parents because I married behind my parent’s back astafigiallah because my parents delayed my marriage time to 3-4 years time. I thought I did the right thing, unfortunately I regret it and wish I had listened to my mother. My hubby and I hope to marry again in front of family & family in 3-4 years time insha Allah.
Only My Mum, and few of my family members, we take it as a secret from people because we fear that my dad find out and would kill me out of Honour Killing culture.
The problem is that my husband wants to divorce me now because I was telling him the truth is that my love for him has faded away and he said I didn’t obey or Listen to him, which is fair enough. We always argue, he always bring me down, he never sees good in me. I feel like I suffered because of him.
I don’t know what to do? I told my mum everything because mother knows the best but still I don’t know what to do? I need your help
Please keep me in your duas,
JakaAllah Khairu,
- Sarah91
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Wa Alaikum as Salam Wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu.
My sister, what you have done was indeed wrong. It was your father's right to conduct your marriage.
Whether your marriage was valid or not, I can not comment, because I don't know.
The fuqahaa’ put possible
walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely- related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great- grandfather, then her son,
then her grandfathers sons or
grandsons, then her brother
through both parents (full
brother), then her brother
through her father, then the sons of her brother through
both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the
case with inheritance. The
Muslim leader (or his deputy,
such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.
The Shaikh who acted as your Wali comes last in the list. And it is not the case that you had no Wali from among your Mahrams.
Hence, there is a confusion about your Nikaah. I do not know if it is valid or not. Because your father is alive and is not aware that you are married. (islamqa)
Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said:
“No woman may conduct the
marriage contract of another
woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah
(fornicatress, adulteress) is
the one who arranges things
on her own behalf.”
(Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)
Keeping there forward, I can say that you did a mistake and need to repent, but can not judge the validity of the Nikah. I suggest you to go to an authentic scholar of Ahlus Sunnah wal Jamaa'ah and mention that your father is alive and the Shaikh acted as your Wali, and that no Mahr was exchanged, and ask if this is valid.
Further, if your love for him has faded, this is not a valid reason for divorce. But if your husband has a reason for the divorce and you agree to that, too, then I see going ahead with a divorce a perfect avenue.
Furthermore, it will avoid any fitnah with regard to your father, as you mentioned.
I pray to Allah, that He does whatever is good for you and your husband.
Aameen
Wassalamualaikum
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
JakaAllah khairu for your advice but I'm now divorced so my iddah starts right now. I'm worried about mum's reaction as she doesn't know I'm officially divorced. I'm so confused now but I put my trust in Allah swt. Yes I made a mistake & learn lesson.
Please keep me in your duas brother
Wa iyyaaki.
My sister, insha Allah, I'll keep you in my duas.
Read this Aayah:
Surah aal 'Imran, aayah 159:
...Then when you have taken a decision, put your trust in Allah, certainly, Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
So, just put your trust in Allah.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Wasalam
I agree. I feel so humble, happy and everything. Yes I put my trust in Allah swt because He knows the best
Sister I think you should tell your mother rather then later. Mother can bear everything in this world for sake for her children, you will have that feeling in you when you will become a mother one day inshallah. May Allah find you right partner.
Of course I'd love to tell her but she make it very difficult for me as if I find partner , I wil tell him the truth about secret nikkah as I lose my virginity to my ex hubby but mum said no because it will destroy my family's reputation. So right now , I want to focus on myself, family , friends and education. I don't want to marry again as marriage is not easy but Allah swt knows the best. Please keep me in ur duas
Do Muslim men accept Non-Virginity?
Muslim Women*
Sister may I ask you very personal question then I may able to answer your question. How long you were with him? I mean were you 2 stayed till divorce or you stayed with your family and meet him sometimes?
No I don't think you have to tell your future husband if you sincerely make tawba to Allah and cry to him in every prayer I am sure Allah will accept you and forgive you but has to be from you soul. Allah protect us all the time sister there are some truth we can't share all the time but Allah cover that for us. You know in judgement day Allah will come to some people for those Allah covered their sins from other then Allah will ask you secretly that have you done this!!!! No one will hear even in judgement day Allah will cover no one will know will be between you and Allah. And if you meet your x husband sometimes and made love you don't have to worry about your virginity your future husband won't feel.
Wasalam alaykium ! I live alone 4 university , I met him in secret. I live with family during hoildays & weekends. Well I think my future husband deserves to know the truth because some of my ex friends already know about my secret nikkah. So I'd rather to tell him the truth than lie to him in sha Allaah he will accept it or not Allaah swt knows the best.
you are right no need to tell him any thing
Salam I wanted to update, I told my mum the the truth about divorced. Mum was shocked & angry only cos I lose my virginity to ex hubby. What should I do ? :'( obviously I still trust in Allaah
Why nobody respond?
Sister, your mother's anger is as result of your deed. But do not worry, just keep pleading her and keep saying sorry, until she forgives you and is normal.
And have patience, this is much in need in this situation.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
And don't worry, if you really put your trust in Allah, you will see wonders, insha Allah. You will be able to feel His Bounties, His Mercy, His Love.
And don't worry, He Loves you. If you have patience, then He is with you, as He says in the Quran that He is with those who have Patience.
You do not have to worry about your virginity, as you are a divorced woman and hopefully, you lost your virginity to your ex, after your Nikah (thus not amounting to Zina). I am sorry I had to mention this, but things need to be clear, in order to purify yourself from sins, if any.
You will need to tell your future husband that you are divorced, that's it. No other details... On being asked why, you can mention the reason you sought divorce.
May Allah soften your mother's heart and give her courage to bear your pain. Because parents actually bear what their children bear.
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
Ramadan Mubarak!! JakaAllah khairu for your respond. Alhamdulilah I feel better & I kept asking for Allah's mercy upon my mum.
True , but I have to be careful if future hubby got my family involed otherwise dad will find out. Should I explain its secret nikkah? I feel like I don't want to marry again at all , is it wrong ?
My little cousin said I should start to looking for good man but I refused cos I don't want to getting married & hurt again
Please keep me in your duas @ Ramadan. You all r in my duas in sha Allaah
Wasalam alaykium
Ramadan Mubarak to you too, sister.
And why should you not marry again? If your first husband was not good, it does not mean all men will be so.
Allah has saved you and perhaps wants to give you better. Grab it and say Alhamdulillah.
May Allah keep you happy in this World and the Hereafter
Muhammad Waseem
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
U don't know should I say or not but I donot think she needs to tell her future husband about her secret nikha. Even if the guy is nice but then she say "it's secret and my dad dosent know" I don't think by saying this her image will be good infront of her future husband. That guy may think she lies and keep secret from her own father I am her husband she can do the same"
As I said above that if you repent to Allah very very sincerely, then my heart says Allah will cover that for you it will be between you and Allah even in judgement day no one will hear which keep secret between Allah and you.
Well that is my opinion, may Allah bless you and give you caring and loving husband.
Sorry spell mistake "I don't know"
@sarah...
sometimes things happend beyond our will.......u can say we made put in azmaish...bu only ALLAH can help us out of these...time never remain the same.....whthr it is good or bad....it wil change somehow....
one advice i wud recommnd u....
never to hide anthn....u must tell al thse thngs to whome u marrying if he still wants to marry aftr hearin al thse thngs thn he truly desrves you....wot my point is.....being honest.....ul get rewards....cz v hv no right to get into relations on hidden thngs...cz at last thngs wil get known...n again ul get hurt....
prayers n wishes with u....
take carez
ASA Sister , below is a link to a Dua for forgiveness ..
Learn Dua for Forgiveness - YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdD1jGxGCKI
Remember me in your prayers and I beg for Allah forgiveness...
Jazakuallh