Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Had a secret nikah, now his family won’t accept me

secret nikah

Rasool(sws) said: 'Marriage without Wali is invalid, invalid, invalid!'

Salaams all,

I wanted to know some advice.

- Basically couple of months ago, me and my partner have done a secret NIKAH.

- Because we wanted to keep our relationship HALAL.

- But our parents don't know.

- There was two Muslim witnesses and dowry was £500.

But now his parents are not agreeing, what do I do? Because Islamically I am his wife now.
I really love him, he wants to divorce me, because the family won't accept me because I am not Educated.


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11 Responses »

  1. llasc siser i just wanted to tell you that a nikkah is not valid without the "wali" a wali wali could be your father or brother etc. and if the nikkah is done the brother should fear Allah you can not divorce a person because that person is not educated on a side note sister maasha allah GOOD thing u made everything hallAL

  2. Salaams,

    Mohamoud is right, if your nikkah didn't have a wali representing you, it probably wasn't valid and you are not technically married at this time. However, for the sake of your post I will assume that you did have a wali and you are in fact married.

    I hate to say it, but part of the risk in having a marriage without the parents' knowledge is that they find out and have a problem with the fact of it after it's already done. You and your husband both should have factored that in when you made the decision to marry, and had a plan as to how you would handle it. It's not a good idea for your husband to now try to "backtrack" and undo a choice he has already made by trying to divorce you.

    Marriage is a responsibility, and it's not one to be shirked just because the going gets tough. I have a hard time believing that your husband had no inkling that things might turn out like this eventually. The best thing for him to do is "man up" and stick by the decision he made and stay married to you. He will do best to find an alternate way of resolving the tension that is now caused in his family, especially since they are giving a bogus reason for not accepting you.

    If he continues to stay by your side and support you and stand his ground, and you both continue to try to show the respect and kindness to your parents that they deserve, in time insha'Allah they will come to accept your union and offer some level of support.

    I truly hope that your new marriage works out for the best!

    -Amy Editor

  3. Apart from parent or guardian can any body like uncle, brother, imam of a mosque or best friend be the withness for secret mariage

    • The whole point of having a wali is so that that man looks out for the bride to be. We cannot just disown a wali and adopt whoever we wish as a wali. If a woman's father is alive, he would be her wali, unless he was not muslim, or was insane, other prejudicial, or of bad character. The next person to stand in his place, would be 'the brother, then male family members, then Imam or trusted family friend etc. If we could just adopt a wali to suit our whims, we'd be free to marry any tom, dick or harry.

      SisterZ Editor

  4. older women do not need wali

    • Taalibun,

      Do you mean older women who have never been married before, can get married without permission of a wali? I have heard this before aswell, but I've never see anything to back it up. If you know of a hadith, could you kindly provide here insha'Allah.


      SisterZ Editor

      • there was case when woman came to prophet, salalahu alaihi wasalam, and offered herself to prophet salalahu alaihi wasalam, but he salalahu alaihi wasalam did not want to marry her and so companion said i will marry you and the prophet salalahu alaihi waslam married them. there was no wali present and prophet salalahu alaihi wasalam did not say no, he just married them after telling the man to go and find a dowry.
        and also when prophet marred um salamah radiallahuanha she did not have wali there, it is known that prophet salalahu alaihi wasalam asked ummasalamah son to take part but it is said that was out of affection for the boy to make him feel included becos he was too young to be mahram for her. becos it was known that um salamahs radiallahuanha her chilrdren are young.
        also in quran when it says about widow women it say after waiting time there is no blame on you for what they choose to do (with regards to marrying) meanin these woman make own mind about marrying they dont need wali to help them like a virgin does becos she has no experience of life and marrying so she needs help of elder like wali, but old, divorce, widow women dont.
        this is only my humble findings on the matter. i am not a learned person or studied or anything just my own finding, you must do your own findings, do not take from me. but i replied to post becos so many people say marrying with no wali is not valid but this isnt true. there is one hadith that say it but it said to be weak hadith. there is lots of things that show it is possible for woman like older, widow or divorce can do it self


        • I was asking about an older woman who has neither been married nor divorced - I wonder if she requires a wali? I will do some research. But thank you for replying.

          With regards to needing a wali, the main reason is so that the woman in question has someone to look out for her and give her protection. So in some cases a wali is a must, in some cases there is flexibility.


          • I wonder what constitutes an "older" woman, ha ha.


          • Lol...yes the question did pop into my mind, but I left it open to debate! Perhaps it depends on the number of white hairs one has, haha. Oh my, I'll be counting mine all night, if I get started! I pulled out about 5 the other day and left them neatly on my sister's dressing table, haha.


  5. i mean woman who have marry before like divorce or widow or just older can do it thereself, they do not need wali. i dont know this persons situation, age, circumstances, but it is wrong to say nikah not valid without wali.

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