Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We are in a secret relationship at 16

boyfriend girlfriend haraam

 

Salaam,

I am in  a secret relationship with a girl from past 8 months,  we love each other very much,  she is 1 month elder to me........

We want to get married, we are just 16  and according to her family, groom must be at least 5 years elder then bride. Now what shall I do?

Her elder sister has come to know about us. She is forcing us to break up but we still love each other very much.

What can I do to get married to her?  Please help me.

sheraaz


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12 Responses »

  1. Assalamu alaykum brother Shiraz,

    In plain and hurtful terms, this relationship is not in an Islamic way.

    If you can propose marriage and get married by consent of families, with respect and honour, Alhamdulillaah.

    If not, then you should leave it and concentrate on Islam and your career and let Allah bring your spouse your way at it's right time (whosoever she may be), but you keep your duty to Allah and abstain from friendships with girls.

    Brother, you have either of the two things to choose from if you want to remain on the path of Islam without geeting hurt.

    I hope these few words Insha Allah will show you the right course of action.

    Salaam,
    Your brother.

  2. Sheraaz,

    Listen to me and hear me well. You are 16 years old and way too young to even understand the concept of marriage and it's responsibilities. For a man to marry, he should be educated and at the very minimum...have a job to take care of his wife. You are most likely going to be a junior in high school and way too young to even contemplate marriage. Go to school, finish and work towards a bachelors degree or a trade of some sort. You want to marry this girl...really? Get your education under your belt and then, go ask for her hand in marriage. Yes, it sounds like a long time from now but if this is what you really want then you must work for it.

    Also...as the mother of a 16 year old girl myself, I want to tell you a little something here. Your little secret relationship can end up in big problems for you and this girl if things get out of hand. If you have an ounce of respect for yourself and her, stop seeing her. What you are doing is haram and can only lead to bigger things. Obviously your friend has no idea just how quickly her reputation can go down the toilet if word gets out that you two are seeing each other. Things like that can destroy families. Stop things now before they become a problem for anyone. Her sister is doing the right thing by having you break up, she is trying to save you both if you could only understand.

    Salam

    • Assalamu alaykum Sister Najah,

      And apart from the external effects you posted in your reply, the more important aakhirah, as well as the deep pyschological impact which failed relationships can leave on a person, especially teens and then the extent of "other" things they may resort to, to get rid of it.

      Good reply sister Najah. And actually being a parent of a girl of 16, your words come with a natural reaction to the questioner and an answer which seems more realistic and true as well.

      I believe even at 16 if people have proper understanding of their duties in life, it is not a problem as guys nowadays begin to earn very early and study side by side and it depends on the families willingness as well as the brother's determination and will to be a "responsible" husband at such young age. Allah is able to give that to any man He wills. Some times guys of 26 or 36 also do not know how their duties and responsibilities. So things vary greatly from person to person.

      May Allah help the brother.

      Salaam.

      • Assalamu alaykum Brother Muniib,

        My son is 18 and came to me talking about marriage several months ago. I know of a young Muslim girl at his school that he really likes...a lot. He approached me about marriage with this girl. After a conversation from mother to son, he could totally understand where I was coming from when I told him he is way to young to consider the responsibilities that come with being a husband at this point in his life. I have advised him to go to University and at the very least earn his bachelor's degree before even considering marriage. If you are going to have a wife, you have a responsibility to care for her and provide for her. Neither my son nor Sherazz can bring in enough money to provide for rent, electric, water, phone...cell phone, food, clothing, gas, car, car insurance, internet service, and God forbid...a little bundle of joy. My son leaves for college in August and his move will put many states between him and this young girl. I believe if my son truly cares for this young girl and wants to make her his wife...he will do what is best for both of them and get his education so that he will be a good husband and a good provider for his family.

        If I could relay to Sherazz anything through these conversations, I would tell him no different than my son. Education, education, education. It is the absolute best thing anyone, male or female can do for themselves and the ones they love.

        Salam

  3. Dude are out of your mind, its noot just socially unacceptable but it is ILLEGAL to marry a girl under the age of 18 and also for a boy to marry under the age of 21 in most countries (especially India, http://www.childlineindia.org.in/Prohibition-of-Child-Marriage-Act-2006.htm) but check here too if you are from any other nation http://www.avert.org/age-of-consent.htm

    SO better control your feelings man, you have already done wrong by being in contact with her for 8 months, seek forgiveness from Allah (S.W.T) . Check here for Tawbah, http://www.zawaj.com/askbilqis/tawbah-in-islam/)

    I am your age bro, time for you to finish High School , okay, no further contact with her, take a break, go to somewhere with friends for a vacation. Or The bst way is to go for Umrah to Saudi Arabia, this is what many to friends do when they want to strengthen their Iman or go to any pilgrimage in your country or perhaps better if you can join Tabhleeg-e-Jamaat...they are really good man, you will learn many things and you will also get a chance to help others to follow Islam and practice Islam in their daily lives.........

    All my love

    • Do you know the ages of Hazart Ayesha and Prophet (SAW) when they got married ?

      It is illegal according to state law . The state law is nothing to what Islam says. If both of them are consenting and are adults then how can it be illegal ?

      • Assalamu alaykum A muslim man,

        The marriage of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to Ayesha ( may Allah be pleased with Umm ul Mu'mineen) is reported in "sahih hadeeth" when she was 6 and consummated at a time when she was 9 years old.

        You speak of "Islam" in good confidence.

        If you care so much for Islam, Alhamdulillaah and have much disregard for state laws, Alhamdulillaah, Thumma Alhamdulillaah, would you consider marrying a 9 year old girl for yourself?

        • Mr.Munib ....

          Re-read my post again . I said two consenting adults . Do you know the meaning of adults or should I tell you the meaning ?

          Quoting of Prophet's example was just to emphasize the point .

          • @Muslim man, buddy the laws I quoted were meant to stop child marriage and when you say adults, that mean 18+ and thats what brothermunib and me has tried to emphasize...so there ain't any law forbidding two consenting adults to marry...so whats your point?

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