Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secretly in love with a divorced Muslim man; how to approach him?

Man hiding under his jacket


We have known each other for five years and have had professional relationship. The professional relationship ended a year ago and i have always felt that there is a mutual sympathy between two of us. The only problem is we are both extremely shy and none of us have the courage of making the first step. He has also been going through a very complicated divorce and puts all his energy into it. I want to help him. I am also divorced. Could you please suggest how i can help him without being pushy? He needs some support but he doesn't want to bring anyone any trouble.

My family live in another country so i cannot ask them to help. I guess i could ask him for a tea or coffee but even that is too much for me. As a girl i don't feel comfortable approaching a man. I think he doesn't want to be indecent towards me. He asked me once if i have found a partner and i said no. Then he said he feels ready to move on but doesn't know much about courtship. I guess that was a hint but i do not know how to react. Please help. This is a man i have serious feelings for and that is why i feel even more nervous.

Many thanks,


Tagged as: , , ,

2 Responses »

  1. do you two have a common friend that can act as intervener or conveyer of msg in a nice way without embarassing any one.

    make sure he is done with divorce first . as at this time you dont want him to make hasty decisions or in the end get any kind of back lash.

  2. Salaams,

    You mentioned a couple things in this post. The first one was your interest in him, but the second was a desire of wanting to help him with his divorce. I think the advice friend gave is good in general- it's better to wait until he is completely divorced and use a third party to let him know of your romantic interest.

    However, I don't think it's a good idea for you to "help" him try to complete his divorce. You said it's already very complicated, and you getting involved may only make it more so. It may be that his wife may accuse him of infidelity if you are there on the sidelines "helping" him get it wrapped up. Not only that, but you want to be sure any interest he has in you is clear and not merely stemming from the stress of the divorce process. Sometimes people's feelings get confused when they get into a relationship too quickly after ending one, and after they realize it, it's too late.

    I think the best course of action in this type of situation is to maintain a cordial distance until his divorce is over. Apparently you both have enough interaction that you know what's going on in his life, so once he indicates he is truly single again you can pursue things further. You never know, he may express an interest in you on his own initiative at that time, and then you won't have to worry about how to approach him.

    -Amy Editor

Leave a Response