Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Secretly married to an Algerian who pretends to be a doctor

Doctor in lab coat extending handSalams. I am married to an Algerian. His family is unaware that he is married.

His family thinks that he is a doctor.

He is afraid of telling them the truth because it may have serious consequences.

I desperately want children and now because of this he refuses to have children with me.

What should i do?

- beautyspot

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5 Responses »

  1. Salamualaikum sister,
    U didn't provide us with enough information, but we will try and work with what u have given us.
    We can see u got married without his parents consent.
    Was there a reason to keep ur marriage a secret?
    R u guys Living in the same country as his parents?!
    How can his parents not know about the lie?
    Did they really thnk he went to skool, received an education and now a practicing doctor?!
    The thing is, if he can lie to his parents, r u sure he's not lying to u about something?
    I do not know if he's lying to u too or not but I would not want to have kids with him.
    Since u do and he doesn't, something is fishy .
    I would ask him to have u introduce.
    Do not have kids, for the way u have described him, he seems very suspicious. Just my opinion.
    If ur relationship is true, there shouldn't b any reason for u guys to hide it.
    I would ask him to come clean to his parents.
    Inshallah things will work out for u.

  2. Salaam

    What is bothering you more: the fact that you married him secretly, or that he has lied to his family for several years at the very least, pretending he has been studying and is now a doctor, or the fact that he doesn't want children and you do? So many lies! This man, who you want to be the father of your children, seems to have a psychological problem. He is not able to stand up to his parents at all - unable to tell them he has married you, unable to tell them he had no wish to become a doctor, or unable to tell them he was unsuccessful in trying to become a doctor, and now he wants to propagate the lie by preventing you from becoming a mother. I would be very wary of trying to start a family with this man now. I would advise you to try and convince him that he needs to deal with these issues, perhaps see a marriage counsellor together initially. I agree with Be Al - try to get him to introduce you to his family. If he refuses - I would think seriously of ending this relationship with this rather strange man. Be careful that you are safe when you bring this up - I get the impression he may be the type to get angry and/or violent if he feels threatened that his lies might be exposed.


  3. I agree with Ameerah,

    What is your husband afraid his family will do if they find out he is not a doctor? Will they disown him? Will they kill him? What?? It seems he has a habit of keeping important things from his family, in that he married you secretly, lied about his profession. Of course we cannot comment much on this issue as you have given very little detail.

    Parents have a great responsibility on their shoulders with raising children. So, it would be better to deal with the issues that your husband has first, by encouraging him to deal with 'his' issues with his self esteem, confidence, personality complex, relationship with family, before thinking of starting another family. What will your husband be able to offer your children in terms of a role model with all his lies? It is extremely unhealthy and this web of lies will only get worse.

    So try to get to the root of the issue by talking to him, encourage him to lay everything on the table. Maybe reassure him that you will stick by him through his confessions with his family, but he must be honest with you all. Otherwise, establishing a healthy marriage under such circumstances will be very difficult.

    SisterZ Editor

    • I agree with all the above commenters, ameerah BeAl and SisterZ. Enough lies. It's time for him to come clean: tell his family about your marriage, about his profession, everything. It should be a condition for proceeding with the marriage. No relationship can flourish under the weight of these lies.

      Wael Editor

  4. I agreed with all comments here. I have faced this situation with ex-husband. We were married for almost 3 years. He told his family we were married, but he never told them when i was pregnant and got the kid. His family knew it when the kid was 6 months old. Worst, he never brought me back to his town to meet his family. My x was a very successful man in his career, money never be an issue, unfortunately he was a liar. It is true if the person can lie to his family, he can easily lie to us as well. He did lie about many things to his family and even me. The worst he did was telling other women he was single and be in relationship with them, it seems lie was part of his life. We are divorced now, and I can say it is better for me to live with my kid rather than to live as family with him when I cant trust and believe his words. If we keep the marriage just for the sake of the kid, what it would be our life in the next 5 years, living with a liar. Very difficult.
    My advice is, dont get the kid first before he can prove to you that he is an honest person. All the best for you.

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