Islamic marriage advice and family advice

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Drinking alcohol from a bottle

His father drinks alcohol... I may have to live with my in-laws after marriage.

Assalamualaikum
I am 27 years old female from India. I am not married yet. But I am going through a very disturbing phase of my life related to my marriage.
I know a guy since the past 2 years. He asked me for marriage last year and I have agreed now as even I have started loving him. He is also 27 yrs old and he is a very good person.

The issue is with his family, basically his father. His family consists of his small sister, his mother and his father. But his father used to not stay with them. His father has a second wife and he used to stay with her family.
This guy told me at the beginning about his family background and he also told me that his father drinks alcohol. At that time it didn't matter to me since his father used to not stay with them. BUT now his father is planning to shift with their family due to migration of his second wife.
I am honestly so worried about this as after marriage I have to stay with his mother and father as well.
I am from a different family background. My father is very religious and prays all his prayers and alhamdulilah I was raised in a country like Saudi Arabia, ( we have moved to India already) and was far away from all these things. I have never faced this situation. I have never seen anyone drinking in my life. So the thought of his father drinking every night in the same house is killing me. I asked this guy if we can change his dad's habbit and he said that they have tried many times and it's impossible.

My problem is that I have fallen for this guy. He is a very nice man. He prays. Has no bad habits. He never drinks. Ya He smokes rarely but is in the process of quitting it. He loves me alot and say's that he can't stay without me. I don't want to separate him from his parents. He too will never be ready for that as he loves them alot. I want us all to stay together. But it's his father's addition that's making me confused and depressed.
What should I do? Shall I stop proceeding further? I haven't spoken to my parents about all this. Shall I discuss.? I feel they won't agree after knowing about his dad and it will make things worse.
PLEASE advice me.

Manha

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3 Responses »

  1. Rent your own apartment, between his parents' and your parents' houses. That way you can visit both of them equally and grow with your husband independently as a couple. And you don't have to watch your FIL sinning. They shouldn't let him stay with them if he is drinking alcohol anyway.

  2. Just because you ask for your own house to live in with your husband, doesn't mean you're trying to put a rift between your husband and his family. It's extremely normal for a married couple to want and need their own private space, and that's not something anyone should feel guilty about wanting or asking for.

    I think you should tell your fiancé you can't live with his family, because it makes you uncomfortable to live with your in-laws. But do suggest, in return, that you don't mind living close to them. If your fiancé rejects your wish to have your own house, then I think you should call off the engagement.

    • After having kids suddenly couple realizes need of grandparents for their kids so that they can look after their kids when both are going to work .
      I am not saying good or bad thing here just highlighting selfish nature both from parents(they too might have done it) and adult children 🙁

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