Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Seeking advice for my confusion

no love, marriage without sex or intimacy

I’m 28 years old. August 2016 our marriage finished, my wife 23 years old. She is living in western country and doing job. She is  my relative only means my uncle's daughter (cousin), 3 years before she don't like to marry me (she said She don't want to marry any person from our relatives). 1 year before she accepted to marry me and I also asked her directly “this decision is very important to your life... So don't listen any other person, be careful with your decision because you said before you don’t like to marry me but now you accepting" She living in western country, She told me "before She planned to marry same nationality (Country citizen) person because if she marry me because of language problem always I have to depend her, but I scared to marry unknown person, I  did mistake I should accept you before only so after I thing many time only I took this decision" so she like to marry me.

She is leaving in another country I’m leaving in another country. After marriage we stayed together only 20 days. After marriage she said she like me as a good person because she know me very well from child but she doesn't love me means she like me as a cousin not husband she want some time to change feel love with me.

I asked her many times "why accept this marriage without that feeling before marriage I asked you about your opinion that time you didn't tell anything but now your telling not feeling love with me"  "what is the reason"  always she answering “I don’t know, I need some time to change" "You can't wait" I told her "if before marriage I can wait now you are my wife that is the problem wait mean how long" and she said "I don't know".

After marriage I noticed her she always busy with chatting and talking phone to her friend (my wife before said to me she is the best friend of her, she also living in same country where my wife is living) we went to my wife's that friend's relative marriage. when we reached marriage hall she spent her full time with her friend even I called her to come and sit with me some time but she didn't. I went that marriage because of my wife only I don't  know anyone from there. Till that 20 days she stayed with me after marriage every day she always sharing everything to her friend (were we are going & whats our plan today) and Her friend also sharing everything to my wife same.

My wife going back to her country after 20 days with her best friend & family. I went to airport for send off. She went for boarding and I'm waiting for  her after boarding done, she came to me (her friend also standing near to her) after her friend said to her I'm waiting there (try to go out from her) but My wife said to her no problem wait here only, that time I hurt too much and I feel very very worst and bad.

I'm always thinking about her and I said to her also many times "I miss you" but she told me "I didn't feel anything why only you feel like this".

I’m also trying to go which country she leaving but she want me to come after 1 year. As per her we will talk by phone everyday so I will change may be I feel love with you, till now we are talking but when she talking to me I feel she talking to me just formalities if I try to talk about our future she is not showing her interest when she is with me I know how is her conversation between she and her friend but to me not like that.

It’s very hard to me because I trusted her fully but when she is telling me still she is not accepting me as a husband... I hurt deeply.... So kindly advise me what I need to do... I'm confused...


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum raja.king88,

    I'm sorry to hear that you are having some difficulties pertaining to your marriage. I understand that it must be frustrating for you because she did accept your proposal and is now seeming distant. One thing you should know is that some women can talk and act differently with their girlfriends than they do with their significant others, so I wouldn't judge her regard for you based on her friendship with another girl. Please do not give up hope yet, as hard as it is. If I were you, I would definitely try to talk to her about how you feel a few more times. Perhaps your wife is maintaining her distance because she needs to move very slowly in a relationship. It may be a big change for her to have an additional commitment in her life. Or, she may have some intimacy issues.

    Allah knows best, but Inshallah things will improve within the year.



Leave a Response