Islamic marriage advice and family advice

How do I get divorce from my husband as I never had any feelings for him?

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Assalam O Alaikum,

When I was 15; I had my nikkah done to my cousin(age 21 at the time). But, we just had a nikkah and no rukhsati, we did not get along very well, and we did not have sex at all, and I am still a virgin today. After I came back on the first day of Ramadan that year I realised I didn't love him and cannot seem to love him at all now, I have prayed to Allah to force me to fall in love with him. He lived with me for 2 years and yet I never shared the same room or bed with him and have no feelings for him that way and I have tried. He will not give me a divorce and I want a divorce so I can try to insha Allah get married and be happy.

But he has asked permisson for himself to marry another women which I intend to give because I want him nothing to do with my life. But, I would like to know if I ever did find a Muslim man that I wanted to marry would I have to require a divorce because in Islam; is our marriage already broken? But just that in Pakistan, we had to sign papers. I am now nearly 23 years old and even after 8 years since my nikkah I have never had any feelings for him.


Zara 123.

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4 Responses »

  1. Salaam Zara 123.

    Sorry to hear about the difficulties you have been through. Have you considered marriage counselling, sister? Will he be willing to go? And have you spoken to him about how you feel to see if you can sort things out and be close. It is definietly worth doing. It may be that you have convinced yourself you don't have feelings, but maybe deep down you do, he might have feelings for you but be unable to express them. Situations such as these can be very complex so marital counselling would be good so you can honestly say you tried 110% to make the marriage work. Ultimately if you have sincerely tried and failed or if he is not interested in working on marriage then you have every right to seek divorce.

    With regards to your marital status with your husband - I am not sure. (Editors please advise.) But you are able to seek khula from the court for a divorce. Your husband has no right to prevent you from re-marrying. He should either keep you in kindness or leave you in kindness. I do not know what his reasons are but the truth is you do have a right to leave if you wish, it is not good to be married with no love and intaimcy

    Sara Editor

  2. Sister Zara, As-salamu alaykum,

    There are two separate issues here:

    1. Did you consent to the marriage when you were 15? If you did not consent, and the marriage was forced, then Islamically it is invalid.

    2. Since the marriage was never consummated, if your husband declares divorce then the marriage is instantly dissolved with no 'iddah. If you seek khula' and it is granted, again the marriage will be instantly dissolved, and you should return the mahr. Still, the marriage must be properly terminated. You cannot just declare it to be "broken" and marry someone else.

    My suggestion is that if you are determined that you cannot live with him and do not wish to continue the marriage, then leave him and move back to your parents' home. Maybe if you leave, he will be willing to give you a talaq, so that you can move on with your life.

    Wael Editor

  3. Salam,
    It seems like you have gone through a difficult time. It just seems as though you have both never really had the chance to allow feelings to develop for each other. I am not sure what he circumstances were when you were both married, but to this day, it sounds like you have never shared a bed, room etc? Why is that?

    Perhaps if you spend some time alone together, get to know one another, and find fun things to do together you may start to develop a relationship and eventually feelings for each other? Marriage counselling sounds like a great idea and should help to move things in the right direction. There is no such thing as love at first sight, if yuo havent already then spend some quality time getting to know one another.

    Obviously if you still feel strongly that there is no future for you together then I guess divorce is the sensible approach, and will give you both the freedom to find a partner that will make you happy.

  4. Walikum assalaam,

    Ok..let me get this straight. It's been 8 years your married and you're still a virgin? Have I got this right? :-S (I'm hoping I haven't,)

    Sister, why do you find it so difficult to love him? You have mentioned how you have tried to and yet you cannot love him..but what we dont know is why you are finding it so difficult? If someone lives with you and is even somewhat 'normal' get used to them and built some kind of an emotional bond with them after such a long period of time. Why is it that after 8 years of marriage you feel nothing towards him? Is it something lacking from his side? Is he not loving? Why were you guys not sharing the same bed/room? I'm sure you must be aware how unnatural this is for a husband and wife!

    If you know that for sure you have tried and tried repeatedly and in every way to make this marriage work, yet its just not happening, then you can seek a Khula from an Islamic court. Muslim women are not required to wait for their husband to grant them talaaq in order to be free from a marriage. The option of Khula is there but of course, it should not be misused as the prophet s.a.w said:

    “Any woman who seeks a divorce (khula) without a legitimate reason, she will not smell the fragrance of Paradise.” (Bukhaari)

    If you gave consent to marrying him at the time of Nikah, then there is no reason (none mentioned in the details you have provided atleast) why your marriage would be regarded as 'broken'. You would be islamically married yes. Maybe you are asking because of this misconception that some people hold, that being that, a marriage will automatically be annulled if the husband and wife do not have intercourse for such and such period of time. This is false. There is no such thing. Although it is rather shocking and extremely unnatural that you haven't had sexual intercourse with your husband at all over a period of 8 years, you would still be regarded as husband and wife. A couple may not have sex all their life yet remain husband and wife.

    I pray both you and your husband find marital bliss after so many years of unhappiness, AMeen.

    Was salaam

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