Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Seeking Forgiveness

 

 

Salam

I really need help about my life i don’t know what to do and how do i ask for forgiveness.

I have been in nikah for more then 2 years my husband use to cheat on me i caught him many times speaking to other girls even a week before our nikah he had slept with another woman but i forgave him. He still cheated on me while being in nikah with me. He would hit me if i had made little mistakes like would go out with my family, wearing make up or had not listen to him. I would still be okay with him. I wanted to get out of this relationship but I always stayed because i think he loves me alot but then he has that mad side where he has too much anger .

suddenly my ex came back in my life i started speaking to him i had met him, i started feeling happier we came close; i tried to stop him but it happened i know i commited the biggest sin which i always cry to Allah for to forgive me for this only happened to me when I started feeling as my husband will never be happy with me and i was going through alot of abusive language and behaviour i am not justifying my action as i still shouldnt have done this i had been seeing my ex as hes my cousin and we always be infront of each other, i became close with him but we didnt have sex Alhumdulilah and I would never ever would think of doing that too.

 

my question is should i tell my husband? we are still having problems in our relationship nothing has changed between us i have stopped speaking to my ex i regret all the time i have a guilt ,why did i cheat? please help me!

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5 Responses »

  1. I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you not to tell your husband. He already shows a lot of anger towards you, doesn't seem to trust you and if he finds out about this I think things would get much much worse.

    I'm usually a proponent of honesty and openness but in this situation I think it would do more evil than good. If he asks, then maybe you shouldn't lie, but I dont recommend telling him. Allah (swt) has shielded your sin, do not be the one to expose it. He decides and does as He thinks is best for you so trust in Him and that there is a purpose. Perhaps this sin and the remorse you feel will set you on a journey of becoming closer to Allah (swt).

    Repent for your sin and do EVERYTHING in your power to prevent this situation from occuring again. As for your ex, I'd strongly recommend you cut off all contact with him. You mentioned you were relatives? Then limit it to "alsalamu alaykom". If he tries to talk to you individually explain to him that you feel immense remorse and regret, that you fear to anger your Lord and that you will push him away as part of your redemption. It's going to be difficult but it can be done and it can be done by YOU, sister.

  2. I think it would be more wise of you not to tell him anything as he has "angry side". Who knows what he might do to you??

    It's better to divorce him instead since your relationship has clearly broken down and very toxic. You made the of continuing the nikkah when you found out he cheated . So don't do anything stupid just do everything halal and divorce him and marry your cousin instead.

  3. Salaam alikum sister,

    First of all Alhumdulilah to the Creator Allah and ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-ʿala āli-hi wa-sallam to the Prophet Muhammed.

    Secondly, in the glorious Quran in chapter 4 verse 35 Allah says:

    “If you fear any breach between a man and his wife, appoint one arbiter from his family and one arbiter from her family. If they both want to set things right, Allāh will bring about a reconciliation between them: He is all knowing and all aware.”

    Here Allāh states that if you fear your husband bring someone on your side and his side to settle the matter together. Him cheating is considered adultery and adultery is haram in Islam. If he asked to gain a second wife that’s would be otherwise but that is not the case.

    Also in the glorious Quran in chapter 4 verse 128 Allāh says:

    “If a woman fears ill-treatment or indifference on the part of her husband, it shall be no offence for her to seek a reconciliation, for reconciliation is best. But people are prone to selfish greed. If you do good and fear Him, surely Allāh is aware of what you do.”

    Here you’re seeking reconciliation through your ex is correct. The fact you caught yourself and sought Allāh’s forgiveness was best.

    The point I am trying to make here sister is he is following chapter 4 verse 34 where Allāh says “hit them” but not following chapter 42 verse 37 where Allāh says “who’s forgive when they are angry.” He is picking and choosing verses incorrectly for his benefit but only Allāh knows what is in his mind. The best advice I can give you is for you both to seek reconciliation and/or an arbiter because no one should hit Allāh’s creatures and/or take verses out of context for their own benefit. Seek a marriage counselor or find a person in your and his family to discuss the issues going on. If him cheating is causing you to go out with family you are following the Quran by seeking reconciliation with family. I can say you were on the verge of adultery, but you stepped out of the Shaytan’s path and I want to tell you Alhumdulilah sister. If you still love your husband and want your relationship to work out talk with him around other people so he can see his faults. Only Allāh knows what our hearts contain sister. Sometimes you might not be pleasing him and he seeking other ways but he is seeking the wrong ways. If that is a case talk to him about it. Whatever the case may be, follow Allāh and his Messenger and the glorious Quran to find the answers. Speak with family members and/or find reconciliation with a member of your family. As I said, no one should hit anyone especially for something small and silly as visiting one’s family. Maybe he has a lack of self-esteem and releasing it out on you which is totally wrong. Refer to the above verses I mentioned and may Allāh help you and your husband in this time of trouble. As the Prophet ṣallā Allāhu ʿalayhi wa-ʿala āli-hi wa-sallam said in Sahih al-Bukhari 2893:

    "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from distress and sorrow, from helplessness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice, from being heavily in debt and from being overcome by men."

    Only Allāh knows best.

  4. I think u don't need to tell him. nothing he cheated on u remember that many times if I was you which I went tru it myself i will leave him we is a aggressive person he doesn't care for u. I think u should be with someone who loves u n respect u not hurt u or abuse u at the end in its your life n your decision tc

  5. Aslamualaikum I think you should be kind to him you may change and don't you do the bad things that he did by cheating on him it's not worth it.

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