Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Seeking forgiveness after being very abusive to husband

prayer dua marriage

It's been 3 years since I got married. I have been a very nagging and abusive wife to my husband in these three years. I am an outgoing social person but my husband is completely opposite. In the start of our marriage he never cared for my feelings towards many things and now he has started understanding a bit about how I feel and that I love going out with him and all but he still doesn't take me out + whenever I ask him to do so or force he say straight No on my face or say ok we will see but he doesn't do it at all..

As a result I become abusive to him, fight with him, but last when had a fight I went too far. I accused him of ruining my life by getting married to him and many more things. But when he said that the only thing between us now is daughter due to which we are together... I repented the time I started fighting. I asked him to forgive me but he doesn't say anything now. I have asked him to forgive me a couple of times before too but this time it got really nasty. I don't what to do!!


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6 Responses »

  1. Assalamoalaikum sister
    Alhamdulillah sister the very first line of your post shows that you are a person who has realized her mistakes. You said you have been a nagging and abusive wife. We all can start taking our spouses for granted but sometimes the realization comes too late or in some cases never comes!

    Sister, i do not have a lot of experience but i would suggest since you feel really bad for your last argument do whatever you can to show your husband how sorry you are. If your husband is a good man inshaAllah he will forgive you if he genuinely feels tht you are going tochange. Write him a letter, give him a surprise dinner, if he doesnt like to go out sister you can always make friends who can go out with you. Maybe your husband likes to be at home that is not a big problem.

    Give your husband an apology through a letter and treat him like a king he will accept your apology and after tht you will have to show him through actions that you have changed. Only then he will believe you inshaAllah. If you do it again he might give up on you and think that you will never change and trust me you do NOT want that.

    One thing that really helps in ignoring your spouse's flaws is that always remind yourself to love the other person for the sake of Allah swt. Dont think he doesnt go out or he doesnt do this for me then why should i be nice to him we all are guilty of this. But we need to start loving our spouses for the sake of Allah swt and only then can we give them unconditional love.

    May Allah swt ease your troubles sister. We all are guilty of taking our spouses for granted at one time or the other but the realization is s gift from Allah swt. Whenever you feel anger recite bismillah.

  2. Salaam sister, it's good you have realised. Shower your husband with tonnes of love and avoid any nagging. Apologise for hurting him and don't try to change him, work with him to enjoy your marriage inshaAllah 🙂

  3. you should try to change yourself

    you said its been three years, did all these three years were spent with nagging and abuse?

    its a pretty long time and then you also made your husband feel rejected and hurt his self esteem badly which will be very difficult to recover

    if you don't change it will become worse and he may leave you, if he sees change in you, then it may become better

  4. Assalamu alaikum(warh)
    Al-ahamduillah you have realised you mistakes,
    But here in comments everyone is talking about your mistakes, why people never talks about your husband who ignores you?
    When will he realise his mistake? Marriage two opposite persons understands each other and live together,
    For the sake of Allah, why one person has to be sorry for all her/his behaviour?
    You asked for apologies, doesn't mean you should treat your husband like a king,
    Or show him how much you love him
    It's Allah if he really wants to be with him, He will mend the hearts.
    If he treats you like a queen then definitely he is a King.

    I couldn't understand here why people are saying we should treat your husband good?
    Being for your daughter if your husband is with you, what is your role as a wife?
    Why all women are like this?
    Husband and wife relationship is eternal relationship, but for this do we really have to suffer?
    Being with abusive husband? Bad wife? For sake of parents living with someone whom we never loved?
    Please grow up,
    Sister, I am saying bad about your husband, but the icing things people ask you to do for your husband is not good.

    What if a some other women talks nicely and show. His love to your husband, will be go to her? Then what is the commitment he has given to you on your marriage day?

    So better try to understand him, do your duties love him from bottom your heart. If you love him truly no words needed, Allah will take care of the rest.
    Going to wife/husband and proving your live is of no use.
    Hope in Shaa Allah, All your problems will be solved.

  5. Assalam ulai kum
    My husband is very caring and loving by his actions but never exoress from words. I always obey him but recently he started chatting with his female colleague . They usually talk about work but sometimes they are very friendly with eachother and i dont like the truth. I just feel insecure and time to time ask hin what they talk. Last time when i asked my husband he became furious and angry. I was also hurt beacuse i feel less valuable. I dont know what to do and how to end this air between us.

    • You said your husband is very caring and loving but became very angry all of a sudden when asked what they talked about. He could be guilty, in turn turns to anger because he may be hiding something. Make lots of dua to Allah. If you see more suspicious activity then investigate further carefully. Pray istiqara so Allah can guide you to this matter. Allah will surely open your eyes.

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