Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My parents were separated for two years, but lived under one roof. Is this divorce?

Separate locks and keys

Asalam alaikum,

I have a question regarding my mother who has been away from my father for nearly two years. They had no contact although both live in the same house but stay differently in separate rooms. This was as a result of all the problems that my heartless father used to create, even for bringing us little food at home and not letting anyone visit us nor we visit them, not taking us to hospital if we fell ill and the list goes on.

After almost 28 years of marriage the things got worse.

So my question is: Is their living in the same home Haraam? Is this similar to as being called divorced? But my mother doesn’t want a divorce because of our family status and all.

Secondly, my mother is a very pious woman and never went out of home without his permission whatsoever. Now can my mother go out of home to visit some one without his permission?

What is the ruling of living with such a person who has left no place for torture in our lives as he would try to quarrel and torture for everything and anything without reason and please explain how we can improve things according to Islam.

- Ahmed


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3 Responses »

  1. Dear Ahmed, wa alaykum as-salamu way rahmatullah,

    It's not divorce, just a very dysfunctional marriage.

    I would suggest divorce, but you say your mother is too concerned about family status to do that. Frankly, if the "torture" was as bad as you say, then I would think family status would be a lesser concern. But I know there are societies where status and image are the primary concern, more than happiness, religion, and even life or death. That's unfortunate.

    How to improve things? That depends on whether your father is truly as much of a heartless villain as you portray. Does he recognize the existence of a problem? Would he be willing to attend marriage counseling with your mother? I am fairly sure the answer is no, but you never know. It could be that he is as unhappy as everyone else.

    Wael Editor

    • Nice picture Wael! lol That is funny! Where did you find that one? lol

      Ok now in all seriousness for Ahmed. I am very sorry your family is going through such a hard life. A domineering controling parent can make everyone in the home feel like and be a prisoner. No their relationship is not haraam. They are still technically married.

      If you are able to approach your father and speak with him then maybe you could ask him about your home life. I realize that he might be a vicious person and as such this could be dangerous for you. If you feel he could harm you then do not approach him.

      Quite frankly he is imprisoning her with Islamic laws while ignoring others. I do believe it says(correct me if I am wrong please) that she should get his permission to go visit and leave house. BUT it also says he can not keep her prisoner. He must allow her to visit and get visitors. The wording I think is he can not isolate her(which is what he has done).

      I wish someone had addressed your question about if she can leave the house without his permission as this is the most prevalent issue for her and you. I really don't know. I think I read that if she is isolated she is allowed to leave without permission to go to either her family or his. It is very specific and I don't remember which one. I think it is to her Wali to say she is being mitstreated. She must say she is being isolated. You need to be sure first before she leaves the house who she has to go to. If she goes to someone other then the person that is stated in Islam then her husband can punish her.

      If you can leave ask an Imam about this issue. If you can not leave then I hope someone who has the correct and full information you need answers this question of yours. Wael is there any way you can find this out? There is something written on it specifically I just can't remember correctly and do not want to give incorrect information. There is a way were she can leave the house without permission but only if she goes to the one person who she must tell about her isolation. The husband has no standing against such a visit. Look up marriage in Islam. It's in there.

      curious - I don't think she is being selfish at all. I think she is tolerant. She gets isolated, he doesn't get marrital rights. I think that is fair. If he wants the marriage bed then she should get her freedom. That's fair!

      I wish I could help you more. I feel bad that I can't remember the correct information for you.

  2. so muslim men can be no longer in love and still have kids. accordingto someone on here the very fact they had kids meant they are in love. th wife wants to free this man, and stop punishing him, and her, how can he react well in frint of fmily when he is tied to someone so selfish. let him go and let your father have happiness and perhaps the mother will be happy too.

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