Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Seven years of online love story

internet chat, internet love,

Im a Vietnamese girl, now 24, in love deeply with  a guy from Pakistan whom I met 7 years ago in internet, in 2004 I guess.  After 2 years chatting, he said he loved me but at that time I didn't care much.

The new life in university was almost everything to me at that time. We still kept in touch 3 years later, he still said he loved me. I was a bit suprised. Then 1 year after that, I started to have feeling for him. We can say and share anything and didn't need to pretend to be someone else in front of each other.

In the beginning of 2010, I accepted his love. We made the video call almost everyday and were in happiness for 10 months. in Oct 2010, I broke up with him because couldn't bear the loneliness anymore when he was too far from me. But after 3 months, I couldn't forget time with him and finally we got back the online relationship.

For recent 3 months, we talked in skype and mails and phone call all the time, as long as we could. Just listening on the phones, he could know what my mood was. he taught and told me lots of nice experiences, which were good for me. He sent me tons of pics of him, his family, any occasions or parties in his family, even when he was on bussiness in other province, he would take the pics of everything like landscape, things on the road, even the hotel he would stay...

One day, he asked if my parents knew about him, I said no but they saw his pictures which I sticked on the wall and which I set in phone's wallpaper. He said he was going to show his mother my pictures and told her about me.I got a shock at that time, because his parents quite strict, i asked what he would tell her about me? He said you would see. She saw all pictures of me and my family,  said I looked young and beautiful, asked about my parents, smiled and asked him if it was the girl from Vietnam whom he told her 5 years ago,  he said his mom liked me a lot and asked me to talk to her through the video call we were making, i was too nervous to make a good conversations, still was shy to think about it again.

He said his mom asked me some questions like if im ready to stay inside the house, hide under the veil, stay home to look after family and convert into Muslim. I just answer the last question about converting that I could do because of love with her son. She smiled and told me that : you should do the things because you really want to do and interested in it yourself, not because of someone's need or wish. Then he came back talking to me and laughed a lot because it was the first time i became so shy which he first saw.

He said he wanted to talk to my mom in the same way and introduced himself. I said your mom just thought of me as your normal friend. He said we are Muslim, we just say this girl knows everything about him and he knows everything about her, that’s enough to know the relationship.

Now i start to learn Urdu and go to the Muslim mosque to learn more about the religion. Borrowing the Qu’ran book, and download tons of informations to read. He starts to learn Vietnamese and passed the Ielts exams with the writing topics about Vietnam. Sometimes the conversations included English, Urdu and Vietnamese seem became a mess but I improve my English a lot then I got another better job in my recent company and he got promotions and could go to where he is.

I really love him too much more than I could think. My heart said that but the mind is shouting “Is it reality? Is it possible to make it real?”. Now I´m so upset to think about when we can make it real and we disscuss about that. He said: you are always too fast to make the decisions, be patient, everything will be alright. He asked if I could make effort to do the business of sports good with him, his dad’s company would provide the products but I said it was quite difficult. Then he sent me his CV and asked me to find in Vietnam some suitable jobs for it. We applied some companies and just hoped.

He said i left him one time and if it happens again, no more chance to come back and now just patient. But Time is passing too fast, youth is going away. And don’t know how long I can be in this stituation anymore? What should I think and do?

- Candy

Tagged as: , , , ,

6 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum, sister Candy,

    Sounds he is making real efforts to get close to you and you support him, Masha´Allah. See how long you can wait for him and put an end to the waiting period, this way it will seem for you that is something real that can be materialized, don´t be in a hurry, move little by little but with your feet firmly on earth and a cold head, you are settling the foundations of a strong family, insha´Allah.

    I would like to share with you this inspiring post:

    Tell me if I can be of more help.

    All my Unconditional Love, Respect and Support,

    María Editor

  2. Candy, let's speak in practical terms. I'm afraid I disagree with Maria. This online "relationship" has been going on for seven years, and nothing concrete has materialized. No plan has been made, no real step has been taken. Where is it going? So far, nowhere.

    It's time to either get serious and make something happen, or let this internet love affair go. You need to know if there is something real here, before your youth passes you by.

    I see only two options:

    1. You move to Pakistan, convert to Islam and marry the man. In this case you will probably live with his family, and you will have to live the life of a Pakistani woman. Will you be happy? I really don't know. It will be a big culture shock. As far as Islam I believe in it, it's the best religion and I believe it can help everyone. But the Pakistani culture is very strict and it would be a big adjustment for you.

    2. The young man comes to Vietnam for work, and you get married in Vietnam and live there. Under these circumstances your marriage would probably have a greater chance of success. However, it is contingent upon him being able to find work in Vietnam.

    The two of you should decide which of these two options you will pursue, and make a commitment to make it happen within six months. In other words, within six months you should be married.

    If he is not willing to make this commitment, or if there is no way to physically make it happen, then this is all a pipe dream and it's going nowhere, and it's time to say goodbye to each other and move on with your lives separately.

    Wael Editor

    • I second everything that brother Wael has said here!


    • As salamu alaykum,

      I agree with you Wael,

      Let me show you my words, I didn´t say six months, but I said the following, "See how long you can wait for him and put an end to the waiting period"

      Thank you Najah, you give a strong reply too.

      All my Unconditional Respect,

      María Editor

  3. My dear Candy,

    If I could tell you just how many girls I know who meet guys on the internet and even after goes no where or she finds out the guy is just a player. Seven years is a long time to put your life on hold for anyone, internet or otherwise. I agree with brother Wael on his advice here. Give it six months and no more. Yeah...I know it's easy for me to sit here and simply type up my response to you not knowing how your heart aches for the man. But the reality is, we only get one you want to spend it waiting for a life that may never be? Don't waste your youth on this internet relationship, more often than not...girls like yourself end up with nothing more than a broken heart. Wishing you only happiness in whatever you do.

  4. keep urself on reality.I met Pakistan man on internet.
    After 2 years internet relationship..and 4 years in fact he keep me hidden from his family..after I convert I prove myself the convert is the great of Allah not for a man..then had done nikah he already left me completely pregnant 8 months n go back to his is blind you..reason and fact only can keep you alive..bye

Leave a Response