Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sex on the very night of the marriage or before Walimah?

wedding night

I want to know whether it is compulsory to have intercourse on the night of marriage or before Walimah?

I heard that if there is no intercourse between the couple before Walimah, the food of Walimah is haram for people to eat!!

Please answer my question as my marriage is near.

- ara


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37 Responses »

  1. Salaam Ara,

    According to the majority of scholars who have written about the marriage process agree that the consummation of the marriage comes before the Walima because the Prophet (pbuh) did not do the Walimah in his marriage to any of his wives until after the consummation .

    Having said that, an action deemed as haram is an action that is forbidden by Allah, and to my knowledge, a wedding feast that is offered before the consummation of marriage is not haram.

    Although having the Walima after consummation is more in line with the Sunna of the Prophet (pbuh), it is not an obligation upon you and it is not haram for your guests to eat food that is served at your Walima if it happens before the consummation of the marriage.

    If all the conditions of a valid marriage contract have been met, there is no sin if in regards to whether you consummate before or after the walima.

    Peace,

    Leyla
    Editor, Islamic Answers

    • Read Hadith Sahi bukhari 4211

      • Tanz, I don't see how that hadith is relevant as it does not specify the timing of the consummation, whether before or after the walimah. Here it is:

        Narrated Anas bin Malik: We arrived at Khaibar, and when Allah helped His Apostle to open the fort, the beauty of Safiya bint Huyai bin Akhtaq whose husband had been killed while she was a bride, was mentioned to Allah's Apostle. The Prophet selected her for himself, and set out with her, and when we reached a place called Sidd-as-Sahba,' Safiya became clean from her menses then Allah's Apostle married her. Hais (i.e. an 'Arabian dish) was prepared on a small leather mat. Then the Prophet said to me, I invite the people around you. So that was the marriage banquet of the Prophet and Safiya. Then we proceeded towards Medina, and I saw the Prophet, making for her a kind of cushion with his cloak behind him (on his camel). He then sat beside his camel and put his knee for Safiya to put her foot on, in order to ride (on the camel).

    • What if girl is having menophase between Nikkah and Valima. but the dates are booked and all the arrangements are already made.

  2. AssalamuAaikum.w.w
    Hai... My nameis Rismi. and my marriage is getting near. still i cant make sure that i could make prophet's that sunnah on the day of my mrrge or not. becouse of some personal problems its still in pending. but date of my marrge is conform (insha allah) and wanted to know that without both we engaging in sex cant we give WALIMA...?
    plz make me clear in this feild..

    • rismi, there's no requirement that sex take place on the wedding night, or even before the walimah. Of course you don't want to delay too long, but it's okay to take time to become comfortable with each other. However, if you have some physical problem that you think will prevent you from having sex, then you should think twice about getting married, or at least tell your groom-to-be and let him decide if he wants to proceed. If you need more advice, please log in and write your question as a separate post, thank you.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. Walima is an open message to the community celebrating the nikah and that that this couple is Islamically husband and wife. It has nothing to do with the act of sex after nikah.

    • Thank God you said that! Why do people think it's all about sex?! Do you not want to build a relationship first, get to know the person you've married and build up that intimacy slowly and then take this further. I think it's sad really that people think you have to have sex before the Walima. If you have sisters would you want your brother in laws to do that to them? So why think the same way yourself.
      I'd much rather get to know my partner first.

      • What if the lady is on menstruation? Will you keep delaying your Walima until you do it? It's utter nonsense. Walima is just a celebration and it has nothing to do with marriage consummation. Thank God, there are still sane people around.

      • Exactly!!!!

    • Thnk u vry mch.. Dis is d answr i'v been lookng fr..

  4. ASSALAMALIKUM
    SORRY TO SAY THAT WE CANNOT TELL THAT IT IS NOTHING TO DO WITH VALIMA BECASUE ISLAM IS OUR BASE OF LIFE AND THE EXAMPLE IS PROPHET SALALAHUALAIHIWASALAM AND WE HERE DECLARE THINGS ON ISLAM AS IF IT IS OUR ANCESTRAL PROPERTY -SORRY AGAIN THE MAIN REASON IS WE HAVE TO FOLLOW ISLAM AS GIVEN TO US NOT DECLARE OUR OWN WHIMS AND FANCIES LIKE-Walima is an open message to the community celebrating the nikah and that that this couple is Islamically husband and wife. It has nothing to do with the act of sex after nikah.
    WHAT IS AN INNOVATION -
    "He who innovates something in Islam while deeming it to be a good innovation has claimed that Muhammad has betrayed his trust to deliver the message"
    And what is the Daleel (evidence) for this?
    أَكْمَلْتُ لَكُمْ دِينَكُمْ وَأَتْمَمْتُ عَلَيْكُمْ نِعْمَتِى وَرَضِيتُ لَكُمُ الأِسْلاَمَ دِينا
    This day, I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion.(Al-Ma'idah: 3)
    Innovation in Islaam is the invention, creation or addition of any religious matter which was not (originally) found in Islaam. Therefore, Islaam warns against it and invalidates any religious deed which does not originate from the Qur'aan and the Sunnah. Prophet Mohammad, salla Allaahu 'alaihe wasallam, says in this respect:
    "He who innovates something that is not in agreement with our matter (religion), will have it rejected." [Al-Bukharee and Muslim] This is because innovation in religion is an opposition to Islaam; it implies that our religion is incomplete and imperfect with regards to the matters of worship. Shaikh Ibn 'Uthaimeen says: " Innovation entails the adoption of dangerous ways":

    1. It entails the refutation of Allaah's words; "this day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favour upon you and have chosen for you Islaam as your religion." Therefore, any innovation introduced into the religion implies that Islaam is imperfect and incomplete.
    2. It necessitates the slandering of the Sharee'ah (Islamic Law); that is, it was incomplete and the innovator has therefore completed it.
    3. It requires the slander of Muslims who are not innovators, since by implication whoever came before these innovations, their religion is incomplete; and this is dangerous.
    4. Most people who were preoccupied with innovation, neglected the Sunnah. The Salaf (our predecessor Muslims) who were adherents to Islaam, said: "Whenever a people introduce a Bid'ah (an innovation), they destroyed its counterpart in the Sunnah."
    5. These innovations also, bring about division among Muslims because the innovators believe that they are the ones who carry the truth and that those who do not follow them are mislead.
    TO DO MAINTAIN THE LAVISH MARRIAGE NOW DAYS THIS TREND HAS STARTED THAT SAME DAY VALIMA IS THE NEW INNOVATION AND MANY EVEN SHARE THE EXPENCES IN GROOM AND BRIDES FAMILY
    SAHABIS VALIMA FROM HADEES- Anas bin Malik (radi Allahu anhu) reported that Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) saw the trace of yellowness on Abdur-Rehman bin Auf (radi Allahu anhu) and asked: “What is this?” Thereupon, he said: “Rasul Allah, I have married a woman for a datestone weight of gold.” He responded: “May Allah bless you! Hold a wedding feast, even if only with a sheep.” [Sahih Muslim]
    After a simple Nikah IN MOSQUE , the only celebration in an Islamic wedding is that of a Valima. The Valima is a meal hosted by the groom.
    ABDULR -REHMAN BIN AUF [RA]WAS THE RICHEST BUSINESS MAN-HIS TRADE-CAMEL STARTS FROM MADINA IT ENDED IN MAKKA INSPITE OF BEING SO RICH SEE HIS VALIMA WAS DONE ON ADVICE OF NABI SALALHUALAI WASALAM WITH A SHEEP...
    NOW A DAYS DUE TO LAVISH MARRIAGES SO MANY NIKAH'S ARE DELAYED AND CANCELLED
    SOLUTION:-THE MALES CAN DO NIKAH IN MOSQUE AND PERFORM THIS ONE SHEEP DAWAT AT HOME FOR RELATIVES AND NEIGHBOURS AND START A NEW LIFE OTHER FRIENDS AND BUSINESS CIRCLE PEOPLE INVITED NEXT DAY IN A SMALL BANQUET HALL FOR 50 TO 100 PEOPLE ...THIS WILL SEPERATE THE NIKAH AND VALIMA FROM LARGE GATHERINGS WHICH BECOME A CURSE FOR GIRL PARENTS....AND SET A WRONG TREND LIKE THE LAVISH MARRIAGES OF THE KUFFAR......

  5. Well said bother… “Amanna Sadaqna”


    • Assalamualaikum brother
      I had a question what is the process If the couple not plan to have sex in the wedding night and not ready for it.so how do we process it and make it memorable without having sex ? And only foreplay can be done in wedding night without having intercourse?? Inshallah wiating for ur reply....

      • shaid, there is no requirement to have sexual intercourse on the wedding night. If the couple, or any one of them, is not ready, then it's better to wait. They can hug and kiss, and gradually become used to each other. There is no hurry.

        Wael
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. salaam

    this is asad here
    my question is that ,

    valima is haraam without intercourse.is it compulsory to do intercorse wedding night or next night but before valima other vise valima and food is going to be haraam.

    reply me a/c to islamic point of veiw

    • You can have intercourse whenever the couple likes, as long as they are married. The timing of sex does not dictate whether the food or Walima is haraam. The only food that is haraam is pork. Having sex after the Walima does not make the food haraam.

  7. Because of these Islamic sunnahs people feel pressurized about marriage
    People should use common sense that it is not mantory that you have sex with a stranger on the first night and keep the vailma before or after marriage communsmate it is like announcing to the public oh I had sex with my wife or husband and now I must have a valima it is your personal business
    Valima should be a after marriage feast not after having sex feast
    People should follow Islam in a way they feel comfortable they should pressurize themselves in a awkward situation that they will feel uncomfortable when Islam gives you an option

  8. Asalaam walikum,

    I was married 5 years back and we didn't celebrated walima after my marriage, I am scared of now about my mistake, could you please help me and let me know, Is there any thing i can do now to reduce my mistake, thanks

    • The walima is highly recommended but its absence does not invalidate the marriage, wallahu 'alam. If your marriage is known to people (i.e. it is not a secret) then it's fine. You could still have the walimah now if you choose.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  9. Salaam,

    I have a quick question my partner and I have had our Nikah recently mashallah and the walima is not until after Ramadan this year so in August inshallah. In the time in between if I was to get pregnant are there any issues that won't be approved of in Islam.

    Asalamu'alakum

  10. ASSALAM-O-ALAIKUM,

    brothers and sisters....well i dun see any reason of having a quarrel over the thing which we had not defined nor we can implement brutally on anyone...
    ISLAM is a moderate religion n donot force any extremism...having agreed on tht...the issue wht i have seen or learnt from different sources plz correct me if m mistaken...tht in ISLAM after marriage contract (NIKKAH) there is no compulsion of intercourse on tht specific night n between nikkah and walima there is a gap of atleast 3 days why so....cz u can have the liaison with ur partner...and WALIMA shouldn't be a lavish feast nor should be NIKKAH so both parties shouldn't feel these events a burden...moreover ys i have not found any evidence yet tht intercourse should be a certificate for walima, this shud be between the couple n ALLAH, for wht he knows the best....so this shouldn't be the point....our job being a muslim is to provide others the moderate side of ISLAM n yet its our responsibility not to portray any exaggeration as well in this regard.

  11. i hav heard that after marriage i hav 2 get intimate my husband widthin 2 months otherwise our relation will no longer remain .it will be divorced ! is it true?after marriage how long i could allow to not getting intimate ?

    • What you heard is not correct. There is no time limit. Although if you have been married two months and have not been intimate, that seems to indicate a problem with the marriage.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Talk talk question question what happens when the two have been separatedafter marriage and did not meet in till a year later

  12. Can we have nikha and walima on the same day?

  13. I want to know if nikah is allowed without doing the walima ceremony???

    • Iqra, the Walimah is a strong sunnah and is highly recommended. The Prophet (peace be upon him) not only practiced it, but also ordered his companions to do it. Thus, when he came to know that Abd al-Rahman b. 'Awf, one of his companions, had been married, he told him, "Give a feast even if it is by slaughtering a single lamb." (Reported by Bukhari on the authority of Anas b. Malik)

      According to the sunnah the walimah is offered after the marriage is consummated; though it would be acceptable to do it before that, immediately following the nikah. It does not have to be a grand affair: it could be a simple as inviting a few guests for a meal, or even just offering sweets. It is also sunnah to invite the poor to the walimah.

      Here is a good article with more details on the subject:

      Nikah and Walimah in Islam

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  14. Assalaamu alaikum,

    Due to the Lavish nature of the Nikkah's and Valima's these days, it has become difficult for the moderate and poor families to perform the same. Considering these, our families (My family as well as my bride's family) have decided that Nikkah and marriage will be same day.
    As Nikkah will take place after ASR and Valima ( feast ) will be perfromed after ISHA the same day. And the Bride family wants to share the cost of the valima which we think we dont want to share. and it will be fully our cost.
    So my questions are
    1. Can Nikkah and Valima be on the same day?
    2. Can cost of valima be shared by the bride's family?

    Please suggest according to the Sharia and Sunna.

    Jazakallahu khairan

  15. Nikah and Walima can be cummensed on the same day. There is no restriction in doing so . However the cost of walima is total obligation of groom. Because walima is a sort of announcement that now to onward this man and this lady are to be considered as husband and wife therefore no one has the right to spread the doughts and misinformation about both of them when you see them together.

    • Finally someone mentioned it “spreading doubts and misinformation”. It is the sunnah to consummate the marriage before the Walima as was done with Zainab r.a. To make the marriage known to the people. There are two steps to marriage in Islam the Contract and the Consummation which Seals the Contract. A Sealed and Unsealed Contract are NOT the same as any couple that has had a change of heart would know. Divorce or nullification of an Unsealed Contract is very simple and the girl will simply be seen as having been unsuccessfuly engaged by people. A Sealed Contract requires a full idah even if they were only married for a week and a girl becomes a divorcée to any future suitors and in the public eye.

      Of course you could do your Walima first BUT god forbid if they change their mind and your daughter is still PURE everyone will think she is not because you did the Walima and you will have to disclose all of this to future suitors. I warned my young daughter after her kitab what ever you do “do not let him touch you until you know you can stay with him” then we will do the Walima.

      There is nothing disturbing or crude about a Walima it simply tells people your marriage is Sealed and not just a courtship that can be easily nullified

  16. I actually come from a culture where a walima is madetory after the nikah. When the Nikah takes place, the couples are not suppose to having sex until the marriage is complete which is the walima. When it comes to marriage, my culture is stern about it. No walima means no sex.

  17. Is it permissible if the couples agree to live separately if the husband is unable to afford a place to stay at/ or until he could find a place.

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