Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexual intimacy rights

Muslim woman in hijab

Salam alekom. I’m 21 years old and my husband is 20. We’ve been married for a year but we don’t live together because of our colleges. We’ll be moving in together soon inshaallah. When the marriage first started everything was great. He catered to my needs and I catered to his. He joined the military and now I see him for a week every six months. It’s always nice seeing him but it seems like whenever I see him he’s always ill. He has a cold or something, nothing to major. Sex isn’t really enjoyable to me because it hurts a lot especially when we see each other after six months and he doesn’t engage in foreplay at all. He pushes my legs into position and it takes him forever to finish and I’m in pain the whole time. The doctor said it’s because of lack of foreplay and I don’t really get aroused easily. I tried explaining it to him but we barely see each other and when we do see each other he’s not feeling well and he’d much rather do it the easy way. When we do see each other I try to be intimate with him every day so it stops hurting me but he denies me and when he does want to have sex it’ll be 3 days later when I have retightened and am not aroused at all. I understand that his job and illness might be the cause of all this but I can’t keep being intimate like this. It hurts and when I want it so I can get use to it he denies me. I don’t know what to do.

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4 Responses »

  1. There is something called lube. You could lubericate yourself beforehand and then approach him , also keep it close whenever it starts to dry add a couple more drops. To get him to foreplay more, try games , like handcuffs. you play with him first and tell him not to move, set a timer to play with each other at least 10 mins. Just make foreplay fun first, role play and wrestling things like that.

  2. U can always discuss & quote relevant Ahadees.
    Insha Allah if he is a practicing muslim then he will try to change himself. In our societies before marriage these things must be discussed with to-be husband and wife. Men usually don't know about these things & even women don't know themselves! That's why women suffer in silence. U shud also try to be at ease n don't wait for him to do everything. Take charge of the situation & involve yourself openly without any shyness. Most of us face these issues & that's pretty normal.
    https://www.al-islam.org/from-marriage-to-parenthood-heavenly-path-abbas-and-shaheen-merali/chapter-2-sexual-etiquette

  3. Using lube is just a superficial plaster on the wound - it might make sex less painful for you, but it won't make you enjoy sex more at all. Lube won't solve your issues with your emotional and physical needs NOT being met.

    You need to be brutally honest with your husband and let him know that you hate sex, because he's doing it wrong. Yes, tell him he's doing it WRONG. Men are not mind readers, nor do they pick up on hints and signals very well...you can't tip toe around this problem and hope your husband might improve in this area, you have to be very direct with him. It sounds to me like neither yourself or your husband know what you're doing sexually, so I'd urge you to read educational books about sex.

    Him being sick and you two being apart is no excuse for you to not have conversations about topics that matter. Sickness doesn't make you a brain dead and useless fish...you can still TALK about things. Being apart doesn't mean you have no time together. You never talk on the phone? You never text each other? You never go on Skype? You need to stop making excuses for yourself and put all blame on your husband. You're part of the problem if you find any lousy excuse possible to never talk to him about your issues. For all we know, your husband genuinely doesn't know you don't enjoy sex with him.

  4. hallo can you please tell me which postion he make your legs and it took him longer to be discharge this can help us a lot to discharge not so quick

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