Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexual relationship

Pre-marital/extra-marital relationships are haram in Islam

salaam!

so i have been with my bf for almost a year. he is soo in love with me and so do i.  he is muslim and so do i ofcourse. its been now 6 months  ago he startes to kiss me and stuff and actully i have never let any one kiss me, no one! he was my first kiss, and then after a month he started touching me on my breast and down there (sorry for the detail but i need help). jinn have been playing with me all this time! i have been alone in his home, and we have done stuff but i never slept with him. i feel so bad for what we have done, i have talked to him and its been a month now, that we havent been doing stuff. and he feel bad too and its good for us that we keep it until marriage. i dont pray, i am not very relgios, but i really need allah to forgive me because i feel that i have done sometihng bad, and especiall i dont lie to my parents.  and i dont want to break up with him, but i want allah to forgive me and him!! btw his family is very strenght about praying everday, his mother goes to islam class to! but he doesnt pray often.

mira518

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11 Responses »

  1. Not sure are you asking what to do now or explaining about your family and his.
    It is obvious that if a boy and girl are left alone there is saitan as the 3rd invisible who will be playing his evil games a little by little and make us in trouble

    If he loves you so much please ask him to talk to his parents first
    ask him to be polite and calm no matter what happens because respect to parents is limitless and Allah's acceptance lies in father's acceptance and heaven is in mother's foot

    If there are any reasons to avoid letting your parents know about these affairs like financial problem, brother/sister marriage pending, age, or worried / scared that parents might reject the proposal all these are islamicaly pointless reasons
    Then this worry fear should have reached before all the intimacy

    Thats the trick of shaitan to spoil our eemaan and happiness and to make us one among him to be in hell

    So solution is the guy should talk to their parents make them understand about you and his intention on you
    Its sure they will not accept immediately and when they are strong in religious prayers etc they will be expecting the same from their daughter in law, so prepare your self

    Stop any and all form of communication between you both
    as talking to a non mahram is very strictly prohibited only for these reasons
    No message, no calls, no meetings, no dating,no chat, no sharing pics, no anything which you both were doing
    Pray 5 times a day
    Pray thajud
    Every prayer ask forgiveness of what ever happened

    When a marriage talk starts like this that too after crossing the limits , loving, touching
    trust me its going to be so hectic in both the family side and your side

    So trust allah, ask forgiveness, act immediately to make the marriage happen

  2. jinn have been playing with me all this time!
    HAHAHAHA!

    It's so much easier to blame poor jinns for your behaviour than to accept that YOU are the one that made the choice of getting a boyfriend (even though you know it's wrong from an Islamic perspective), that YOU are the one that allowed your boyfriend to kiss you (even though you know it's wrong from an Islamic perspective), and that YOU are the one that didn't push your boyfriend's hands away when he started to touch you (even though you know it's wrong from an Islamic perspective).

    If you are so convinced that jinns are to blame for your behaviour, why do YOU feel guilty, then? Surely, if you think it's jinns' fault that you got a boyfriend and got too intimate with him, you have nothing to feel bad about? Afterall, you are basically telling us that jinns put a gun and sword to your head and forced you to find a boyfriend, let him kiss and touch you.

    I think you are just bullshitting yourself when you even mention jinns, lol...you know very well you are not possessed by them and that they aren't the ones that drove you to sin. And that's okay, you're human, and humans make mistakes. Just be adult and mature enough to take responsibility for your mistakes and try your best to not repeat your mistakes. A good idea would be to end this boyfriend/girlfriend nonsense. I don't know how old you are, but if you're an adult and ready for marriage, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about pursuing that option. If he's not willing to, then break it off with him, he's just toying with you.

    • Lindita, laughing at the person is not productive. No one will take advice from you when you're mocking them. If you're sincere in your desire to help then offer your advice without ridicule. And if you only want to show that you are superior to others then you're on the wrong website.

      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Wael, I laughed at the ONE sentence that I highlighted, I didn't laugh at the PERSON herself. On the contrary, I tried to explain to her why it's not right of her to blame jinns for her own actions, and I gave her my advice as to what she should do in regards to her boyfriend.

        With that said, when a person rejects all responsibility for their own actions and, instead, claims jinns made them sin, it's hard not to think they must be joking.

        • I understand, but what I'm saying is that when you start off with laughter, the person does not hear whatever you say after that.

          Wael
          IslamicAnswers.com Editor

          • yeah but when i laughed what did wael said? : dont you dare laugh again now i ask wael to reply the same to lindita few weeks ago when i pointed out her in a comment it was deleted. what did i say that she is arrogant and she is making fun but wael disagreed deleted my comment.

        • Sugar Monroe,
          I'm arrogant according to who? You? If your comments get deleted, clearly no one cares about your petty personal issues with advice givers on this site.
          Is that why you are on this site in the first place? To police advice givers you deem to be arrogant, or whom you disagree with? Honestly, If you love policing and being in control of people n so much, why don't you log off the internet and go join your local police force? Because internet "cops" like yourself are more useless than bottomless trousers. What a joke.

          I'm not really arrogant, actually. I might not write my advice down in the most sympathetic way, but that doesn't make me an arrogant person. We all come from different walks of life, and it's just not in my nature to say things in the softest manner. But I don't go out of my way to being intentionally rude or crude.

      • Wael, I see what you mean - I will try my best to avoid doing it again, and just stick to giving my advice.

  3. mira518: so i have been with my bf for almost a year. he is so in love with me and so do i. ......... its been now 6 months ago he started to kiss me and stuff and actually i have never let any one kiss me, no one! he was my first kiss.......... then after a month he started touching me on my breast and down there (sorry for the detail but i need help)......... jinn have been playing with me ....... i have been alone in his home, and we have done stuff but i never slept with him........ we haven't been doing stuff. and he feel bad too and its good for us that we keep it until marriage. i dont pray, i am not very relgios, but i really need allah to forgive me because i feel that i have done something bad, and especially i dont lie to my parents. and i dont want to break up with him, but i want allah to forgive me and him!! btw his family is very strenght about praying everday, his mother goes to islam class to! but he doesnt pray often.

    I have feeling the guy will come back to have some more sexual activity with you. I don't think he will marry you. He will come up with some excuse he can't marry you.

  4. Don't blame your behavior on the jinn. [That's a new one.] There is a reason why men and women should avoid being alone with one another, especially if they are young and unmarried. That is because they are men and women are very likely to get sexually involved on some kind of level. The jinn have nothing to do with it. Example: No mother of two small children with professional and household duties is going to hire a beautiful woman with a perfect figure, 10 years younger than her, to be their children's nanny.

    Say the word marriage, wedding or mahr and the man you claim is so in love with you will disappear or create some typical reason why he can't marry you. I can almost guarantee it. End the relationship with your love. You are playing with some serious fire.

    • Wa alaikum salaam,

      Well at least you are seeking help and recognise the importance of seeking Allah's forgiveness, so that's a start.

      It seems as though you may need to study the requirements that must be met before Allah subhanahu wa ta'alaa can be expected to forgive us. The most important of these are to cease whatever sins we are committing and to promise to Allah with deep sincerity that we will not repeat them.. It is essential therefore that you understand and follow Allah's ruling that sexual activity is only permitted within the bounds of marriage. To help avoid this situation Allah has forbidden unrelated men and women from being alone together, as it is all to obvious where this path leads. Try to understand the reasoning behind this guidance and learn to fear the penalty that Allah has attached to such sins.

      Please please start reading your salah. This is the key to developing a relationship with Allah that will bring you towards obedience and purity.

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