Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Sexually assaulted and afraid of the consequences

Button against rape

Rape is a crime. It is never the fault of the victim.


Friends I feel so embarrassed  to share this.. but only you guys can help me. I am 22 years old now.. going to marry next month but I am afraid of my past.. afraid of what had happened to me.

When I was in my 3rd year I was propositioned by a guy. I slapped him and told him not to disturb me again but he said "if you are not mine you'll not going to be with anyone else too". In july 2014 he got to know about my engagement. I don't know how and from where he got my number, but he called me and asked to meet. I rejected him once again and blocked him in my phone list. After that in last week of august he forcefully got me in his car with 2 other guys and took me to a place I don't know where.

There he raped me. He did sex that day 3 times. I feel pain, I cried, I tried to run but I failed. He made our sex tape and ask me not to tell anyone otherwise he will upload that video on net.

He blackmailed me on the basis of that tape and raped me again and again, again and again.

Now he said he will never interfere in my life. I can't tell anyone about this not even to my mother. I am afraid I can't even accept my husband as I am not a Pak girl. Plus I am afraid of male gender now and most of it I am afraid if my future husband got know about this  either he will kill me or divorce me. Then what can I do? How to face my parents? How my parents face the society?

Is there anyway to cover this problem.. or otherwise I have to attempt suicide. I can't face this insult.


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14 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    Sister, what this guy did was wrong - nobody has the right to force themselves upon another person in that way. This is his sin, not yours. You have not committed a sin by having been assaulted.

    But you have survived. You have come through this, with your faith, your character and your desire to follow Islam intact. You do not have to be ashamed of being a survivor.

    I'd advise that you look into getting some specialist counselling, to help you process what has happened and regain trust in other people. You could do this in person, or online if you feel that would be easier. There are also anonymous support groups for survivors of sexual assault, which might help you understand how, although a horrific experience, this does not have to define who you are or what you do.

    Depending on where you live and if it is safe to do so, you might want to report this guy to the police. If he has acted this way once, he might be the kind of person who could do it again to another girl. Before making a decision on whether or not to do this, make sure you consider the potential consequences and whether you would be safe to do so.

    If you are worried about your future husband somehow finding out that you're not a virgin any longer, it might help to know that there really isn't any reliable way for a man to tell if a woman is or isn't a virgin. Not all virgins will have intact hymens or bleed during their first time.

    Assuming your future husband is of good character, he may well be able to help you recover from this, by supporting you and helping you trust people again. So, you may feel that in time you wish to discuss this with him. Honestly, any man who would reject you because of this, really isn't worth your time. A husband should cherish and protect his wife, not reject her because she has experienced something horrible.

    If you are feeling nervous about intimacy with your future husband (which would be understandable), you may wish to talk with him before your first night together, and let him know that you're feeling anxious about the idea of physical intimacy. That way, he can anticipate that you might be hesitant or need extra support from him, or that you might need more time to get to know him before becoming physically intimate.

    May Allah comfort you and help you heal from this, and may He grant you a kind and loving husband.

    Midnightmoon editor

    • I agree with sister Midnightmoon.

      Also, in addition to getting some specialist counselling, I support the idea of reporting that guy to the police. Chances are he might be repeating the same evil acts on other victims. Let the police know about his threat to post the videos on the internet, and they will find the best ways to get him arrested and get the videos from him, inshaAllah.

      You will be in our du'as inshaAllah.

  2. OP: After that in last week of august he forcefully got me in his car with 2 other guys and took me to a place I don't know where......There he raped me. He did sex that day 3 times. I feel pain, I cried, I tried to run but I failed. He made our sex tape and ask me not to tell anyone otherwise he will upload that video on net.....He blackmailed me on the basis of that tape and raped me again and again, again and again.

    I don't think going to police will do any good unless the video shows you were forced to have sex with that guy. You also went back to him again and again. I am afraid that guy may want you even after you are married.

    I don't think your husband will be able to tell the difference if you are a virgin or not. NEVER TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS RAPE.

    • I don't think she needs the videos to prove the rape. There have been many victims who reported such cases to the police without showing any videos, however, they received assistance from the police.

      • It will be easy if she is still going back to get "raped" under his blackmail threat. She can record his threat with the help of police. She can even record information about first inicdence of rape by saying some thing like " why did he rape her"............ Police needs evidence to convict a rapist.

        It is important what country she lives in or what cultural background she has. A girl can be punished for getting raped in countries like Pakistan. Even police may arrest a victim and/or harras her sexually if she goes to report rape.

  3. Sister Mahi ,

    This is a criminal act and punishable under law . Take help of some elder and file a police complaint against him .

  4. Dear sister Mahi walakumasalam , I felt extremely sad with your post and can't stop thinking what kind of low person can do such a heinous crime and then keep on blackmailing you.

    Yes above suggested advices are ideal but depends upon which country you reside I don't know how practicable they are. If you are in any Asian subcontinent then we all know how corrupt police themselves is.

    No matter how strong feeling of inhibition is still talk to your MOTHER. You need some one to stand by you with all sincerity and strength at this time and in future.She can help u in healing and can help to postpone marriage to buy time to overcome this distress.
    Although the criminal said he will not bother you again ,how reliable a culprit could be ? He does need a feedback that his reputation is at stake too and he cannot go around ruining others life. Does he have mother or sister who can be approached. Do you have any authoritative figure in family and friends who you can rely on?

    Sister you are a pak girl . You are victim . Talk to your mother and inshaAllah knowing situation fully she will take care of every thing thru her motherly instincts .

  5. Salam sister I am so sorry to hear about your situation. You have recieved good advice but I really would like to stress that you share this with your mother. You need some support and someone who can help you move forward from this. Also if you can you really need to inform the police. I pray Allah swt helps you move on from this and blesses your marriage with immense joy and happiness and with a husband that cares for you and loves you, ameen.

  6. Story of a school teacher who was recently gang raped in Pakistan. This story shows a woman can do very little after she is raped in some countries.

  7. Salam,

    Sister, you need to immediately report this incident to police. If i was in your place i would not care even if those devil kill me, but i would still report such heinous crime. If your would be husband is a genuine man, than he would not care, and blame you for the crime which you have not committed. You are the victim here, why do you care about the world, and how can you live with this pain all your life?

    You have to find courage and speak to your family about this incident, how can you let those mans get away after destroying your life?

    • Ali: how can you let those mans get away after destroying your

      I'd like to correct you. Her life has NOT been destroyed! She is still alive and living. She may be suffering a terrible setback, but her life is still fine. Her life can be lived just as well as anyone else's and she can still be happy. She may have to work harder than other's to get to that state of happiness, but she CAN. And, personally, I'm rooting for her.

  8. Assalamualaikum Sister

    May Allah SWT protect u and guard you from any bad calamity.
    I read your post and didnt got guts to respond u and just think abt u since then.
    I can't even imagine how much pain and sorrow u r carrying. Just thinking abt how you are handle such pain alone.
    and thinking wht this had happen with my sis, future wife or my future daughter.
    May allah swt protect all women around the globe from such act.

    Anything happen is by the will of allah swt. May allah give u loving , caring, understanding and pious husband.
    May allah put happiness love and attraction in ur relationship.

    I will never knw what situation/pain you going through,, but i want to suggest you Sister that guy who had blackmailed you with that tape can blackmail you in future after marriage so my suggestion is that you should and i insist you should talk to your parents or at-least your mom. bcoz they have seen world knw abt world and have experience(Hikma) . If you don't tell them now and that tape come out in future, then everyone will point out/ doubt on your character and even your mom dad will doubt abt ur character(Bcoz i think he must have taped you more than one and will show people one which doesn't prove that it was forced ). If you tell your mom dad and even if that guy bring out that tape then your dad will take care of it or atleast they will not have doubt on character of thr daughter.
    And if that guy blackmail you to have sex after your marriage then it will be big problem. Making public is different thing(which i think he might not do bcoz he will also get exposed) and blackmailing you is different thing.

    Make dua, ask allah swt to make that video get deleted permanently with his Qadr, with firm belief. And to be on safe side please sis please tell you mom please.

    Its Allh who put affection and love between husband and wife so please ask allah for it and think about this below verse from Quran

    ""And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect"" Quran 30:21

    I am sorry if i offended you, its due to lack of hikma within me.
    Jazakallah Khairn

  9. Assalam alaikum,

    I have read your post and wanted to respond but really felt lost as to what words to use. It is tragic.

    Sister, your pain is great and there comes a point when someone violates us and hurts us and tears away our being that we just break and from those broken pieces, rises up something that was never there before. Now you have to look and in the broken pieces of yourself search--you have gone the point of no return and you will never again be who you were, and now, gather those pieces, gather your courage and stop thinking about what people will think of you. The people who will think the lowest of you are themselves the lowest of the low--not you. Gather your courage and in steps that you can handle, make the move to face the bitter reality of this situation. Let the worst come now, rather than dread the worst later--no one should have to live their life in fear having to dread the day that such a thing will come forward in public--and never forget that those who will take advantage of this matter and belittle you speaks more of their ill character than it does of your character.

    If he threatens you again, tell him you are not afraid and tell him to fear the day he stands in front of Allah swt. Tell him that you could care less how low he can stoop and that nothing will stop you from bringing him to justice.

    I realize that this could conjure up a new storm form for you, but you are already in the midst of a storm. Depending on the country that you are in, act smart and do your homework in who you should get to help you. Perhaps your story will be the life-changing event that not only makes a difference in your life but in the life of other victims like you.

    I know that you are worried about your marriage, but here's the thing. Some men acknowledge that it isn't safe for women to go out because they may be raped, YET, they can then be all shocked that a rape occurs because they doubt the woman--that makes no sense. So either we admit that bad things happen (and could happen to people we have in our lives) OR we believe we live in a perfect world with no crimes. So, it is probably better to be with someone who could support you after this trauma as opposed to be a husband that is there only for the good times. It's easy to be there for someone for the good times.

    I hope that you get the courage to take one day at a time for this, but my hope for you is to live free without the shackles of fear and that you never blame yourself no matter what path you choose for yourself after this moment. May Allah swt shower your life with endless blessings and give you courage and strength beyond your expectation, Ameen.

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