Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I’m sexually frustrated but my parents are delaying my marriage

Hello Brothers and Sisters,

I'm a 24-year-old female who is going to turn 25 this year, and I have got a huge frustration on me.

I'm engaged for 3 years, and I really love the man I'm engaged to, ever since I was 13-14 years old, and he loves me. We both want to get married, but our parents are not doing anything to make us marry and keep delaying it.

Now I've got a problem: I'm sexually very, very frustrated. I got diagnosed with depression this last year and I had suicidal thoughts as well.

However, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm a virgin, and have been masturbating for many, many years, but this frustration keeps getting more and more, because I want to be with him. I can't tell this to my mother or father.

I was told that I'd get married in 2018 but then it was said in this year, but now they say next year and I can't handle this anymore.

I feel like I'm a toy and no one takes me serious.ly. I cry very much and I miss him...the last time I saw him was 3 years ago. He also is very sad and frustrated He often is rude to me when we talk on text or call, because he's sad ..and this hurts me more as I'm a very sensitive person.

I just see all my cousins younger than me getting married and having babies, which is my biggest wish, and I get jealous when I hear someone getting married or being pregnant (God forgive me for this) but I can't control it no matter how hard I try..

The sexual frustration is getting worse too, day by day, and I feel helpless, because I got addicted to masturbation and watching adult videos.

Please what can I do? I'm just becoming worse. I cry alot and my parents don't make my marriage. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I see him as my only hope to get out of my depression and to be happy.

I feel like I'll stay this way forever, I've lost hope, and just want to die. I'm deeply hurt.

It's the first time I'm writing about it so please....I'm very ashamed and embarrassed.

Also is it right for a parent to do so? When seeing their child being in such a condition and they don't do anything about it?

Thank you in advance, I hope anyone can help or give me an advice.

Sister

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2 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaykum Sister Laila,

    I hope this finds you feeling better than when you wrote in. I have to ask, are you taking medication and going to therapy to treat your diagnosed depression? That is of utmost importance if you want to feel your best, and to prevent your suicidal thoughts. I don't know which country you live in, but some have a national suicide prevention "lifeline" that you can call and talk anonymously with a crisis counselor about what you are feeling without involving your parents, as you feel uncomfortable communicating all your needs to them. Getting things off of your chest will help you tremendously!

    Your parents are absolutely in the wrong for making promises of marriage to you repeatedly over a three-year period and then breaking them each time. Broken promises in and of themselves, let alone those regarding marriage, are very painful due to our investment in the "follow-through," and remind us that people will disappoint us from time to time when we place our trust in them. It is Allah we should be relying on alone, as He will send us all the help we need. Never doubt that.

    The first thing I sensed upon reading your letter is overwhelm. At times like these, it would do us good to remember that a problem can best be tackled one step at a time. Everything in your life is connected, so in theory, you could start anywhere and the rest will fall into place. However, I'm going to say something here and I don't want you to think I'm judging you in any way. When we are engaging in sin, it too affects other aspects of our life that may seem on the surface to be unrelated. If you take one link out of a chain, it is left broken, no?

    You say that you have been masturbating for a long time now. While this may have served you in the past to relieve your sexual tension, it is now taking the place of something...or someone...better. Allah gives us what we need, rather than what we want in life, so if you are fulfilling your need on your own, then that's one less reason for you to need a partner. Perhaps Allah is waiting for you to give up this habit?

    Next time you have the impulse to masturbate or watch porn, could you instead tell yourself that you want to "save" this sexual energy for your future partner and for sex between the two of you? That you want to "save" this energy for making beautiful babies with your future husband? I know it is hard, but it will be SO worth it Inshallah.

    It may seem like a long-shot, but I think you should try this first and see how it affects your life: positively or negatively. I'm willing to bet some of your other problems will fade!

    Also, it may be out of irresponsibility that your parents are not moving forward with this marriage, or it could be out of good intentions. Whatever the case, it may help you to remember that the final call is Allah's alone. And Allah only does what is best for us, Alhamdulillah. So next time you feel upset, try to remember that while you may not understand the delay, that it has absolutely, without a doubt, been in your best interests!

    Hugs,

    Nor
    IslamicAnswers

  2. I suggest you to get involved in some of your interesting activities . Spend time with your good friends and have good time outside and that will help avoiding depressive thoughts .

    You are masturbating and watching porn .So even if you get married then you won't feel satisfied .
    Porn actors ,they show having perfect bodies ,features and big organ size (much larger than average size) .
    You might not find such perfect bodies and other stuff after marriage .This un satisfaction will take you back again to porn .
    So first you need to make sure that you are Porn free for longer time and once you are back to normal track then go for marriage .

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