Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Shall I just leave?

Assalaamu alaykum,

Very unhappy in marriage, everything turns into argument, to the point i just dont talk or respond like a robot to keep the peace. Husband threatened to curse me if i leave. Have a small baby.

Don't want to get in trouble with Allah for leaving. Theres a hadith that says woman who leaves without reason will not smell paradise. No other issues (other women, financial support etc)

Posting here out of desperation. What shall I do??


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8 Responses »

  1. Walikumsalam:

    first Remeber Shitan is your enemy. Shaitan flows in human body as blood and its first priority is to get husband wife seperated.

    There is always 2 sides to the story so we can just comment or give advises.

    Arguments can be very positive as it allows to understand each other. Try to see the positive side of your husband and avoid the negative. Don't overthink.

    I totally disagree with your comment that " husband is cursing or threatening that if you leave without reason you will not be able to have the fragrance of paradise ... don't assume.. Maybe his intention is to stop you, maybe he doesn't want you to leave ... He loves you and may he is trying his best and is hurt that you talk about leaving him or he feels that you might just do it .. It might be your actions that he is saying this ...

    Look at yourself where you can make positive changes in your relationship ... Argument happens when there is a difference fo opinion ... if your husband is not saying or asking to do anything sinful or disobedience to Allah then you should respect and listen to him.. A women came to Prophet (S.A.W) and Prophet said how are you with your husband and she replied that i do whatever in my best capability and Prophet of Islam replied that be careful as he is your heaven or hell...

    Look at the positive side ... if you are arguing in matters where your husband feels worthless that you don't support or listen to him then sister you have to see where you are going wrong .. as one of his rights are to be obedient towards him where their is no disobedience to Allah ..

    You have child and you just said he is loyal and no finances issues and support then ) try to play your part with patience and prayer ... Allah will help ..

    Dont do this to your family and yourself .. speak to your husband by showing him how important he is to you and then use your wisdom to have the best atmosphere ... In this relationship, you have to compromise and give sacrifice .(both sides) to bring the peace and harmony ...

    May Allah have peace and love between you two .. I will pray for you

    • And ask your self .. Is walking away from the only solution to the problem..? Is he such a bad person? and are you perfect? We all are not perfect .. we are humans who make mistakes .. so husband wife has to forgive each other for the sake of Allah... Allah will surely bring harmony .. pray in tahajjud .. ask Allah ... dont be unhappy just of your are having an argument .. and if when ever arguemnt starts then dont expect from your husband to just say yes to what you want .. because thats not gonna happen ..and if you ahve the same attitude then arguemnt will trun in to bad things .. you see if both sides of the ropes are pulled then it will break .. why dont you for the sake of Allah and your family/husband , let the one side loose so it can doesnt breaks .. fire from both sides will accumulate a water ... trust me it will work .. and your husband will acknowledge .. you need to give time ...

      Love him .. and acknowledged him for what he does .. with words. say to him that he works hard for you guys .. tell him he is the head of the family ... make him feel he is respected and his opinion matters,... i am not saying he is right, i am sure he would be wrong .. but what i am saying is that show him his worth .. this world is very cruel and the last thing a husband need is an unsupported wife who argues ..

      If you need something or want to do something --- arguments are normal but not always clever .. use the right time .. and be considerate .. Like more sugar in the tea will make it sweeter then why this wont work with humans ... try it out .. Ask Allah ..may be Allah is testing you with this hardship ... and may be its your actions which is forcing your husband to treat you the way he is .. not may be not .. but the good thing is .. you ahve the fear of Allah mashAllah and you are consious of the here after then dont forget ..your husband the the highest right in the whole world ... it is said to an extent by prophet (s.a.w) thaf he would ahve allowed to prostarte (Sajdah) then it would have been the wife to her husband .. ... So please dont talk about leaving for small reason as it really hurts other person and it might have really made your husband felt like nothing ..or really really bad .. dont do this to him or yourself and your family ...

  2. Dear Sister,
    The constant arguments sound you and your husband are not compatible with each other. You are both unhappy in this marriage and you have become withdrawn from your husband as you are afraid of arguing. This is not a healthy relationship and it certainly is not a healthy environment for your child to grow up in.

    Allah swt created marriage to serve as a refuge and a sanctuary from the difficulties of life so that the spouses find peace in each other. This is the primary purpose of marriage according to verse 7:189.

    Marriage is not meant to be a prison. Once you marry it's not the case that you may never leave the marriage. Allah swt made divorce halal so that people may leave unhappy marriages. Allah swt is merciful and does not wish for people to suffer. Divorce is permitted. It is disliked when there isn't a good reason. Such as if a man divorces one wife to marry another. The hadith you quoted regarding the woman who divorced her husband is also where the woman doesn't have a good reason.

    Many companions of the Prophet saws divorced when marriages became unhappy. The Prophet saws himself divorced Hafsa RA as he became displeased with her and reconciled wih her later. This means divorce is permitted and sometimes becomes necessary. This would be the case where husband and wife cannot live together peacefully and are not abiding by the commands of Allah swt to live together in harmony.

    There is a huge taboo surrounding divorce within many Muslim communities and this comes from ignorance. Be kind to yourself and to your husband. Sometimes the kindest thing is to let go and stop living in misery.

    I wish you and your family well. May you all find peace and happiness.

    • Prayerful sister

      Without any detailed information from OP you are advising her for divorce?.
      She ha provided very minimum information .

      • Dear Virtual,

        The OP herself says she is unhappy in her marriage, they argue constantly, she has become withdrawn from her husband to the point she feels robotic in her dealings with him. Does this seem like a healthy environment for either the husband or the wife? Or their little child growing up? If this isn't a good reason to divorce, what is?

        Her husband has threatened to curse her if she leaves him. This is not a reasonable man and she is considering divorce. I have said divorce is permitted. Which it is. Allah swt permitted divorce as a way out of unhappy marriages which by the OP's own account is the case with her marriage. I don't think she provided 'minimum information'. I think her post was concise and summarised the problems within her marriage very well.

        • All marriages have low points .Some times couple fight like they will divorce now and then after few days they are normal .

          Above information is very limited and further she has not added any more information and you are jumping a gun and saying take divorce .

          Either you are very immature or have past bad experience to be negative in life .

          • Virtual, you respond to my posts without giving the OP any advice.

            Firstly, I will thank you for not making assumptions concerning my maturity or possible past experiences. I believe myself to be mature and experienced enough to provide few words of advice to the OP.

            Secondly, you seem to be under the impression that the OP's situation is not serious enough for divorce. Surely this is patronising to the OP? As though you can decide whether her situation justifies divorce?
            Only she can decide whether a divorce is right for her, and she makes it clear that she does want a divorce but is worried about displeasing Allah swt.

            You are being condescending to the OP by saying "sometimes couples fight like they will divorce now and then after few days they are normal."

            Is this really the impression you get from the OP, that OP and her husband argue only now and again? She says "everything turns into an argument." Note "everything".

            As for you saying that "sometimes couples fight like they will divorce now"... in my experience those couples DO go onto divorce, and those who don't, are extremely unhappy and model unhealthy marriages and bad relationships for their children. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

          • Prayerful sister,

            There is no guaranty that people who don't fight are happy .
            There are people who don't fight but unhappy and ends up taking divorces.

            Overall you can't generalize any particular scenario and say this and this decision should be taken .

            I suggest OP to decide on her own

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