Islamic marriage advice and family advice

She had sex before marriage

Day and night

Hello brothers and sisters!

i have a question about sex and sex before marriage.

There is a girl i really love ive loved her since i cant even remember. but recently when we talked she admitted to me that she has had sex once before but she regrets it badly. This broke my heart when i heard it, shes the most amazing girl ive ever met and i cant think about anyone else. I met her at school when we moved to another city and we just kept on talking and talking. Well 2 years later we moved again and she forgot about me a little and lost hope so she thought we were never going to be anything so she started to look for another man and got into a relationship in which she lost her virginity and then broke up.

Her parents are religious and so are mine.

She hasnt told her parents or anyone else besides because of obvious reasons. (You know how muslim parents react to these situations) Me on the other hand ive stayed faithful and ive been waiting for sex after marriage. Im not the perfect muslim i dont even pray daily, cant even remember the last time ive prayed im not a good muslim but i respect my religion still and try to stay away from devils work and i fear God alot. My question is that if i were to forget this and forgive her will God be able to do the same thing? Can i get even married to this girl in the ways of islam anymore. I am really heart broken and i dont know what to do at this point. What will happen to her in the afterlife, what are her punishments?

Thank you !


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8 Responses »

  1. As-Salam-u-Alaikum,

    If you love her and she loves you, marry her. We all make mistakes within our lives and circumstances. God also forgives, and we are also to forgive.



    Everyone has a past , but what i see in ur situation is she admitted to you and did not keep you in darkness and yes it is wrong to have physical relation before marriage for boh men and women , if she has repnted for what she did then we have no rights to judge her present based on her past , and never look back even if u get maaried no matter what never again think of her past mistakes as this will spoill your and her life , no one is perfect on this earth but everyone dont admit only person who respects and cares for u does it and even if she was not admitting it she dint had to tell u as thats her past and she did not cheat u try to give her better life and lead a clean life ..Allah is most forgiving


  3. Better don't marry her .She might go back to her ex after marriage .just saying I have repented doesn't change any thing ..

  4. Assalaamualaykum sekundaaa,

    On the scale of life's potential challenges and adversities, this is one that I think you'd do good to put into perspective, if possible, and not worry about too much. I agree with Lamar that if you love her and there is no other complication, you should go ahead and marry her. Your question of whether, if you forgive her, will Allah be able to, should probably be worded the other way around: "If Allah can forgive her, should I?" It is important to remember that Allah is kind and does not want things to be too difficult for us, so with that in mind and the fact that He forgives, please go ahead with the marriage and be happy with your love.



  5. As Nor pointed out, it's very strange to say, "If I forgive her, will God do the same?" In fact it is almost an expression of shirk.

    Allah is Al-Ghafoor, the Most Forgiving. His forgiveness is unimaginably greater than yours. We are specks of dust compared to Allah.

    Wael Editor

  6. Salaam alaykum wa rahmatullah,
    Simply put, do NOT marry her. You have stated that her parents, along with your parents, are religious. Is she religious? Until she turns her life around 180 degrees, do not even think of being with her. Nor should you wait for it to happen. You have stayed away from zina, may Allah (swt) bless you with someone like yourself.

    I am not saying that we should not marry such sisters. What I am saying is that we should marry such sisters only after they have realized the enormity of their sin and the consequences they carry in this world and there Hereafter. I know people who married such girls after they "repented" only to find out that they repented for the sake of repentance, not because they were 100% remorseful.

  7. A non zani can't marry a zani it's harram to marry
    Surrah noor

    • She is not a zani. A zani in the Islamic definition is someone who is actively engaged in zinaa. But someone who committed zinaa in the past and has made tawbah is not considered a zani.

      Wael Editor

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