Islamic marriage advice and family advice

She is three years older then me and many people think it’s wrong

Age differences between a husband and wife are unimportant from an Islamic legal perspective, but it can be difficult to go against social customs and traditions.

Age differences between a husband and wife are unimportant from an Islamic legal perspective, but it can be difficult to go against social customs and traditions.

Question:

I've known this girl for a few years now and I wish to marry her. But the problem is that many think it's wrong that she is 3 years older than me. I love her very deeply and I believe she does too, but she'd never betray her family and friends. What i want to know is that is it lawful for a Muslim girl who is 3 years older to marry a Muslim boy?. . - Matt

Wael's Answer:

Dear Matt, As-salamu alaykum,

From an Islamic legal perspective, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. After all, look at the marriage of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to Khadijah (may Allah be pleased with her), who was fifteen years older than him. Of course the Prophethood had not yet come to him when he married her, but it came during his marriage to her. Her support and love was invaluable to him and the success of his mission. He did not marry anyone else while she remained alive.

Of course, social traditions are something else, and in many Muslim societies this is a no-no. I don't know why. I think it's a silly taboo.

By the way, you said "she'd never betray her family and friends." What do her friends have to do with it? She has no obligation to them regarding her choice of marriage partner.

To her family, on the other hand, she does have an obligation. First of all, she has the obligation to be obedient to Allah, and then to be sincere and honest with her parents. Has she been honest with them? Or has your relationship with her been secret and inappropriate? I think rather than worrying about the age difference, you need to carefully consider your behavior in this entire matter and ask whether it has been consistent with Islamic teachings.

And Allah knows best.

If any readers have some additional advice for this questioner, . I invite you to post your comments below.

(O Allah), Guide us to the straight path; The path of those whom you have favored; Not those with whom you are angry; Nor those who go astray.

Best regards,. - Wael Abdelgawad
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4 Responses »

  1. Asslam-o-Alaikum,
    brother I agree with Wael.

  2. my wife is 7yrs older than me

  3. Islamically, there is no evidence against it as long as the man is still able to fulfill his duties and the wife hers. And three years isn't realy much of a difference....think of it this way: when you were born, she was 3 years old. She might be able to remember things only slightly better but there realy is no big difference the two ages. Hopefully her parents will warm up to the two of you...but I do hope you have followed Islamic rules when getting to know each other, such as never being along together.

  4. friends i am ronal and i love a grl...we have been in a relation 4 more dan a year and i wish 2 marry her...But the only problem is with her mother and she is 3 months elder 2 me...some one plz guide us and i really need ur suggestions. please help me!!! in our tradition the MAN has 2 be elder than the LADY, but i really love her and dont want to end the relationship...

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